hey, how are my gay male crossdressers doing?

[MichelleOBrien]

Okay, at first, I was gonna go on a several hour rant, thereby ripping you a new rear end, for equating all crossdressers to gay.

Then I read your post

Being bi myself, I've encountered similar problems finding a boyfriend. I've done the gay bar scene, but typically I either get the creepy guys (I'm 26, they're like 80...) or I just get stared at like an alien. Craigslist revealed nothing for me. Neither did Alt.com, bisexual.com, or any other dating site. As a bottom, I look for the masculine guys. Or at least the non-flamers. Of course, none of them are interested in me, and I end up getting a lesbian (who doesn't want anything to do with a penis) hitting on me until she realizes I'm a guy, then we just swap makeup/clothing tips.

As for your latest question, I'd have to say that being a guy with another guy does very little for me. I want to be the woman. I want to be treated as a woman. Then again, I'm also not just a crossdresser, but also transgendered.

But I gotta say something to munshine nightwood. Hun, trust me. take your time and make sure it's a decision you really can spend the rest of your life with. Not saying it isn't for you, but with just coming out of the closet as it were, I'd definitely start with the counseling first. If nothing else, it can help you figure out *just* how far down that road you wanna go.

[SaraRider]

I wish so bad that I could find a straight looking man who would want to be in a long term relationship but it is so hard to find a man like that especially because I live in a small town in idaho. who do i find a man when I live in a state where it is super hard to find a gay or bi man in the whole state. It gets very depressing.

[MasterD]

*subscribing to thread*

A rather interesting discussion.

[CDastoria]

Any updates from anyone here with regards to dating? I'm thinking of starting it up again in the new year...and don't know where to even begin.

[joannemarie barker]

No update from me but I have my eye on a particular guy

[Soriya]

Hey everyone -- thought I'd give this thread a bump for the benefit of us gay cds...anyone have anything else to say?

I had another question for all of you -- when you see yourself all dressed up, and if you get excited by yourself, do you feel confused by the fact that you are getting excited by a feminine image? Does it make you question whether you might like women?

Maya, great thread!!

I don't have much to add from a 'gay' (hate labels) perspective because I am a straight man.

To answer your question that I quoted. Yes, when I change into Soriya, it does turn me on. For one, I can't believe it is me. I am not passable but when transformed, I do not see my male self at all. Even the few people I know personally that I have showed pictures to can't believe it is me as well. Most will say I look passable from what my face looks like but a muscular frame gives it away LOL. My sexual feelings also seem to change when dressed as well and they shift to the thought of having sex with a man. This had always been confusing to me because I do not have any attraction whatsoever to the male image, none, zero, like -100 attraction LOL. Through my life I have asked myself hundreds of times if I was gay to 'justify' why I dress but, it's just not there but it still never explained why the feelings came about when dressed. I know look at it since I am presenting as a woman, feeling like a woman, and thinking like a woman, my mind shifts into a female though process, even sexually. Quite facininating actually.

Overall, being a straight guy I am physically attracted to the female 'image'. The more I learn about myself with this it is becoming apparent that physically, it doesn't seem to matter what plumbing is involved, if the person is physically attractive 'woman', GG, TS, etc. etc. I could see myself open to the possibility to a relationship. For me though, it is way past the physical image. I for one do not relate to men, even as a man. I never have. I also find myself unable to relate to most women as well, just not able to relate to people in general. I am one who wants an intimate connection with my partner, intimate in all ways, communication, trust, honesty, that kind of intimacy. Being a good looking guy, I haven't been with anyone for almost 2 years now because if i don't feel some type of connection, there is no chance. For me, it is about the person. Find me an attractive woman or TS, heck, even a 'gay' man who primarily presents as an attractive woman, I am inclined to be open to the possibility if there is chemistry.

I guess taking out the physical appearance, that makes me, what is it, Pansexual?

Oh yea, about shaving arms and such, I think it was Barbara that said her boss mentioned it.......who cares! I shave everything and have for years now and I didn't start because of dressing, in fact, I wasn't even dressing at the time when I started. I entered a fitness contest and shaved it all for my after picture. I liked it better and have kept it off ever since. Bottom line, it's what I like. I have a friend at work that likes to shave his arms because he has tattoos. He told me one he didn't do it anymore because he got tired of people saying things to him. I simply asked him "who are you living your life for, you or them?" He has shaved them ever since

[TracyBoy]

No update from me but I have my eye on a particular guy

Hey! I'm jealous! Just kidding. I hope you and him connect. Good luck to you Dear!

[maya1love]

Hi everyone -- nice to see that this thread is still kicking around!

I'm actually chatting with a guy these days (who I met through craigslist) and I'm hoping that we will go out soon.

I am, however, even more excited to be going out dressed to a totally straight New years Eve ball tonight fully dressed. Will keep all of you posted!

Maya
xoxo

[Christa]

Tonight's party sounds like a dream come true! Have a fantastic time and be sure to post a pic or two. I'm sure the guys will be all over you when the ball drops!

XOXO

Christa

[joannemarie barker]

Wow you will be fighting the guys off lucky you

[Coyote]

I think I might have a leg up somewhat since I have not been in a relationship for a while since my work life is pretty intense and I do weird hours and can be across the country for days, makes going out / dating rough. Since I am a gay male, completely bottom CD that has yet to go out in public with it yet I suppose being truthful and open with it from the start when i start looking again is the best way to go with it from what I can tell from this great discussion. It is also a bit of a downer knowing from it a well tho that finding someone whom is interested is an uphill battle, but nothing worth having in life is easy. 8-)

[maya1love]

Hi gang. Had a great time at the New Years' Eve bash, as I mentioned in my previous post above! I don't want this thread to get diverted to talking about my New Years' adventure, so please check out my flickr page for the pics!

Maya
xoxo

[joannemarie barker]

Oh wow Maya you look gorgeous and looks like a lot of fun who wouldn't want you on their arm

[Ms Jennifer]

Great thread! As you say, most gay guys aren't looking for guys who look and act like girls, but there are a lot of bi-curious guys out there, I think many of them secretly wish they could dress and pass as chicks too. Anyhoo I've had some luck with Craigslist, you're right that like 80% of the hits you get are from guys who are only looking for sex but if you're patient and careful you can weed out the sickos and I've met some wonderful guys that way. Like you said, it's smart to say upfront that you're looking to meet a guy who will take you to nice places, and always insist on a picture from the neck up! I recently put a personal on Craigslist challenging guys to beat a TGirl at tennis, with a picture of me in my tennis dress, met a really cool guy who's become my tennis partner and bed buddy too

I like the bed buddy part. I am glad to see you had good luck online.Most of the guys I got replys from wanted just one thing. I want that too but I need the relationship and togetherness also.

[Christa]

Maya is my heroine! I loved the photo story of your New Year's Eve adventure. You give us all hope and remind us that confidence, joy and good friends are the keys to happiness.

Love you, girl.

Thanks for sharing,

Christa

[maya1love]

Thanks Christa! Very sweet! (blush)

[Coyote]

Not wanting to derail the OP, but since there is no specific gay CD forum, I figured asking in a thread with those most probable to embrace the question would be the best place for it.

Feel free to have it nuked if needed. Last thing I want to do is get others mad at me.

Anyway, Im curious on the state of the gay CD's here and those specifically that have a current partner.

How do they look at your crossdressing, and do they embrace it, or just let you do it as your own thing, or do you have to hide it from them?

I would almost guess the span would be the same as most hetero CD's, but I could be mistaken.

[Christa]

Hi Coyote,

I'm a gay CD and I've been with my guy for nearly 20 years now (time flies!). I only came out to him about my crossdressing about 5 years ago. It took me that long to get comfortable enough to share that... somehow it was even more difficult to come out as a CD than as gay. Go figure.

He wasn't terribly surprised, but also said he didn't really ever want to see me dressed. Since then, he's softened up a bit. He spontaneously told me I shouldn't hide my clothes anymore and that he could see how it might be sexy to dress for bed sometimes.

Given my long history of guilt with CDing, I still haven't dressed in front of him. But I'm starting to get the sense that I could. And I've suggested that we might go to a fetish ball together sometime with me dressed as Christa.

If I had the whole relationship to do over again, I would have been out as a CD right from the start. So that's the advice that I give to single CDers.

Tell us more about your situation. Are you in a relationship?

xoxo

Christa

[Coyote]

Hi Coyote,

I'm a gay CD and I've been with my guy for nearly 20 years now (time flies!). I only came out to him about my crossdressing about 5 years ago. It took me that long to get comfortable enough to share that... somehow it was even more difficult to come out as a CD than as gay. Go figure.

He wasn't terribly surprised, but also said he didn't really ever want to see me dressed. Since then, he's softened up a bit. He spontaneously told me I shouldn't hide my clothes anymore and that he could see how it might be sexy to dress for bed sometimes.

Given my long history of guilt with CDing, I still haven't dressed in front of him. But I'm starting to get the sense that I could. And I've suggested that we might go to a fetish ball together sometime with me dressed as Christa.

If I had the whole relationship to do over again, I would have been out as a CD right from the start. So that's the advice that I give to single CDers.

Tell us more about your situation. Are you in a relationship?

xoxo

Christa

Well, for the most part, currently single. A male friend thats all the way in the other Washington that I spend time with when I can and travel gets me out that way, but its in no way a relationship, just friends with privledges so to speak.

He does not care for cross dressers in that sense of a relationship so its never been brought up as there is no need since were not anything official. Likes seeing the drag shows tho 8-P Besides, hes like 21/22 to my 40, and it would never work out anyway. For a funny aside, I happened to be there visiting around halloween one year, and we went to a local gay bar and he took me collared and leashed. They got such a kick out of this scrawny young dom parading me around it was a hit - and I got free drinks from the barstaff all night 8-)

My career kept me from really getting out in the social scene at all for the last 9 years, and since I was terminated from that job this past friday, I have a bit of time to try to re evaluate and re invent myself a bit. While im not going to suddenly go enfemme and prance out the door, im not going to hold it back like i used to, and take the advice that them knowing upfront is the best policy.

Appreciate the feedback Christa

[DaphneGrey]

Hey all...glad that this thread is continuing!

I just want to clarify something that I see repeated quite a bit in threads on this forum. Often times, the issues around being a gay male crossdresser are confused with the issue of "whether I am gay because I fantasize about being with a man while dressed". There are tons of threads dealing with the latter on this forum. My view is that having fantasies about being with a man while dressed is not the same thing as calling yourself a "gay male crossdresser". For me, a gay male crossdresser is simply a male crossdresser who envisions being with a man as a primary life partner, who falls in love with a man, and is primarily attracted to men, and who can envision living day-to-day with a man in a conjugal relationship, regardless of whether he is dressed in women's clothes or not. To help those questioning themselves, I would probably ask the question, "Are you primarily attracted to men regardless of what you are wearing?" If so, you're mostly likely "gay". If you are only attracted to men when you are dressed as a woman, and you also find yourself attracted to women, then I don't think that you are gay -- perhaps, you are bisexual. (Hope you won't all clobber me for saying that!) I remember when I was questioning my sexuality, I seemed to be focused on who I fantasize about being with in bed. A dear friend clarified that "sexual orientation" was much deeper than sex -- it was about who we fall in love with and who we enjoy romance with.

So, as someone who still envisions being with a man even when I'm not dressed as a girl (although I would like to be seen as the fem in the relationship), I've come to the conclusion that I really should stick to the gay male community in terms of looking for an ideal mate. The reason that I feel this way is because most trans-admirers that I have met seem to have a great deal of difficulty being with me when I am not in girl mode. Being in a relationship with me involves being with my male self 90% of the time, and my female self 10% of the time. And, luckily there are some gay men out there who have been fine with my dressing and treating me like the girl in the relationship, so I feel like that has to be the closest fit at this point...

Very insightful! I really enjoyed reading it and it helped me quite a bit.

[CDastoria]

well, we shall see what happens. I just made my first appointment with a gender therapist. I see him on friday. hopefully he'll help me figure out who and what i am. Perhaps I'm not a gay crossdresser but a straight woman?

[CDastoria]

So...umm...this thread has kinda died. Have any other gay crossdressers here ever seen a gender therapist? Or ended up transitioning?

[Barbara Dugan]

So...umm...this thread has kinda died. Have any other gay crossdressers here ever seen a gender therapist? Or ended up transitioning?

I still feel more gay than ever, I am currently seeing a therapist not sure about transitioning but the idea everyday doesn't feel that much out of place

[joannemarie barker]

I still feel more gay than ever, I am currently seeing a therapist not sure about transitioning but the idea everyday doesn't feel that much out of place

lol gayer than ever,I love that statement I've no plans to transition but I'm definitely gayer than ever.ggs used to do it for me and now there's nothing really there.it's guys I'm always daydreaming about

[Deanna]

Where have all you girls been? I just found this thread, read all the way through it and now you've forced me to add my :2c:. It wasn't until the internet that I realized that I wasn't a freak of nature. I have since had many encounters with other people while dressed and I realized that Deanna is just my other half that I've been hiding for all these years. We are extremely comfortable with each other except when I don't let her out to play for long periods. Then she gets really bitchy!! I am just as comfortable with a totally gay guy as I can be with women. I just wish that people weren't so judgmental and that everyone accepted everyone else for who and what they are.