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Thread: Busted, Rejected........Screwed

  1. #26
    Maryann40c MaryAnn40c's Avatar
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    So sad to hear whats going on with you. You could use that your wife wears your t-shirts and such against her you know stuff like that....it might work. Keep your head up and keep smiling.
    :sf::canada: I am who I am...I am very happy with who I am! I am transgender! Time for others to deal with it or get out of my way!

  2. #27
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    I will only add my voice to many good suggestions:

    See a therapist, one you both agree to, and both of you should go. I'm sure she'll understand that the therapist will want to speak with her no matter what, so this should not be an issue.

    Secondly, this is a major trust issue, beyond all the stereotype and belief issues. It will be hard for a few days.

    Third, you have been threatened. In my opinion you should see a lawyer sooner rather than later, simply to protect yourself from her threats.

    Lastly, it would be positive to remind her that the qualities of the person she married are still there, and your CDing is a part of that. A feminine perspective can only be positive to a marriage!

    All my hopes for a good settlement.

    tina

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member Christy_M's Avatar
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    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have had similar experiences in the past. My first wife threatened me during our divorce although she had initially accepted and participated in my dressing. My current wife doesn't understand. she found out over five years ago and told me I needed to seek therapy to get cured. I started with a therapist with no experience in the TG issues but even she told my wife that the problem was not the dressing but the way we communicated with each other. After a few more visits, we stopped seeing her and I told my wife I would stop. It was a promise I couldn't keep and when I came out to her last August I created a script to follow so I made sure I gave her all the information I felt was important from my perspective. I let her ask as many questions but told her that if she asked I would tell her the truth and she would have to trust that I was not lying. I said that if she wasn't interested in moving forward under those guidelines that we would never be able to get past this. If the trust is gone, so is the respect. I say all this to say that if the foundation of the relationship is sound, she will come around to try and get better understanding. It has been painful for me these past few months becasue my wife gets overloaded on this topic easily and the discussions stop until she can process what we talked about. She really wants to understand but she is still dealing with the stigma that her "man" wears pretty clothes and will never overcome that need.

    Be available for her to ask these questions. Try not to pressure her into discussing it. See if she will do some research on her own either through this site or other sites. There are a number of books available on the subject, as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by JamieG View Post
    ...leaving a copy of "My Husband Wears my Clothes" somewhere she could find it.
    Unfortunately, you are right that she is in the driver's seat. Knowing what is at risk should help you make decisions moving forward. You can't un-ring the bell but you can mitigate the impact by determining what you can and cannot live with. If your wife refuses to "play nice," you won't be able to control that. The wife leaving and taking the kids seems pretty harsh but since crossdressing is not illegal, you can fight for joint custody and frequent visitation. If she does choose to stick around you will have to set the groundrules for future conversations and potentially even boundries for when and where you are able to satisfy your need to express this side of you.

    Finding a qualified therapist for you both to talk with would be beneficial but you can't force her to participate and do any work on her own to make this easier. If she loves and respects you, she should be willing to figure out how your realtionship moves forward with you.

    I apologize for the long post. I had just a bit more than two cents. I do wish you and your wife the best. It is very hard but any good relationship takes hard work on both parties.


    Christy
    Last edited by Christy_M; 01-26-2011 at 02:38 AM. Reason: Fix typos

  4. #29
    One Perky Goth Gurl Pythos's Avatar
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    Okay. YOur wife is being a manipulative B**ch. The whole saying "I don't care..." and using that as a "trap" is absolute BS, and you should call her on that. YOu can now tell her because of that you will never trust her again. You can also (why do I find myself harping on this) tell her that her reaction is EXACTLY the reason you hid this aspect of yourself. Irrational behavior on HER part.

    I wish you luck and hope you can work things out, though I have a feeling that will not be the case. When you use terms like "she holds all the cards" you are admitting defeat in an unfair "fight"
    "I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
    Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.

  5. #30
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    I can relate to your situation, but you both need to see a therapist and you need a lawyer. Your wifes foundation has been destroyed and she sounds like she is going to get even if you're not cured. My wife after 28+ years was understanding for the first year and since last august has been at my throat almost every day. Our lives have been miserable since and I still hope to make our marriage work and stay together. But she doesn't hesitate to tell me it's not the cd'ing it's not telling her. Anything you say to your wife can and will be used against you at any time so choose your words wisely. At least our children are grown if yours aren't it makes your home life much more difficult. As for work, my wife has outed me to family and in our small town work also which is causing me some problems that hopefully do not become a huge issue, loss of job. Just protect yourself as much as you can and put your family first and dont forget to look at this from your wife's perspective. Reine and MiamiMarie have great posts, pay attention to them, they are on the money in my opinion. Reine always has great insight.
    Last edited by Patty B.; 01-30-2011 at 04:50 AM.

  6. #31
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    mirror life!

    Samantha,

    Wow! A mirror of my life as a crossdresser. Well, except for the part of her finding out.

    You're right, what's the harm in it. It's only dressing up. However, you mentioned that it took YEARS for you to wrestle with your crossdessing. She has only known of it for days. She needs time to absorb it and understand that she will be very upset initially. She may never get over it. The ball is in her court, wait for her next move and be prepared for anything!

    Good-luck

    Ginger

  7. #32
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    IF you give in and see a therapist then what? Will she forgive you, love you the same as before? Will you promise to never dress again? I would play it like cool hand Luke..........if she doesn't budge then you need to make your stand or move on.
    This one sounds like she was looking for an out anyway , unless there is more to what happened. Sorry to be so cold.
    I wanna be your girlfriend.

  8. #33
    Silver Member shesadvl's Avatar
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    Samantha,

    you should be ashamed of yourself, taking 12 years to tell your wife you thought about it at the 6 year mark,

    as some of the other posts have said ,..... How did you expect her to react after all this time,

    why do you men,... dont think about your wife or partners feelings,..oh ill keep it hidden wont hurt....oh yeh...like that saying what a tangled web we weave when we practice to decieve....
    when you are either caught out, or busted ,....like in your case through your web browser. You have been reading here for 4 years ,....what part of reading here did you not comprehend that wifes of CD'ers react when they are not told of the so called "hobby" ...

    she has much to get her head around. She is hurt, all those things that have been mentioned...even some posts have stipulated how did you expect her to react.

    I am damned lucky I knew way before I got into this relationship as I was friends first with my SO, but if it had happened to me... I wouldve kicked his arse then given him the questions,.. why lie hide and its like cheating yes..... (by the way I am fully, accepting of my SO doesnt bother me he does crossdress.) hes happy where he is with himself and his femme self.
    we are open and communicate all the time ,....I actually read over his shoulders for 6 months before I joined here...

    so no 1. I think you need to get into some major dialogue with your wife, point out that there is a section here for wifes GG's here, she needs to get 10posts and can get in here
    and perhaps help herself to understand what is going on and YOU.

    She may not be able to talk to anyone for not wanting to feel ashamed of herself....dont assume what she has/hasnt done...damned well talk to her.... no heated discussions ,..t all calm , answer all her questions,

    also as I have read there are others that have recommended you go to a therepist for counselling... I believe you both can go together which will also be seperate consultations.... You have to be prepared as to what may come of this... all is solveable... but you have to quit being sneeky and lay it all out on the table honestly.....

    I know that its just the clothes and how you all enjoy the feel of them or are happy with your femme side....

    Man wish some of you no matter how you tell your wifes or partners would be open and honest..".fear" of reaction is a bad thing,.. yes as to how one will react....
    yes I do know,... not all of you have accepting wifes.... I fully understand that... so If you want to protect what you have...
    damned well be up front open and honest.....

    I applaude those of you who are and have gone through your situations.... keep the dialogue and treat your wife how you would like to be treated....

    I know if us women did what you guyz do or have done,... we wouldnt have the same accord,... the reaction would be far worse and this i know...
    I think i also read one of the posters mention this as well...

    samantha you have had some good advice in parts...

    the journey is to not only finding yoursel,..its also acknowledging your femme side,.......... also in caring how &
    what you do affects your relationship and your wife....

    at present i would say shes feeling really bad,.. feeling being cheated on, lied to. Raging like a women
    with fury, ...... start a dialogue with out kids around..... you can show her this forum and post. tell her shes not alone...by any stance...

    and from me

    stop feeling busted, rejected and screwed,...to sum it up ,.... by not being open or truthful you did this to yourself... find a way to fix it.... you have read here for 4 years
    and I am pretty sure that other GG's will put their 2cents worth in...

    EDIT
    A question you need tio ask yourself... do you want to save your marriage???? also as others have saidyou need to see therapist as well.
    Last edited by shesadvl; 01-26-2011 at 07:02 AM.
    "A day without red wine is like a day without sunshine.."
    when the devils feet hit the floor you can hear the good lord .. say "awwww crap shes up"
    Eleanor Rooservelt "behind every man stands a woman"......
    but then in my devlish attitude behind everyman stands many women depends, on many things or how he/she dresses..laffing
    Remember, strength based in force is a strength people fear. Strength based in love is a strength people crave.

  9. #34
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Firstly your wife needs to know that you can't be cured.....maybe put it on hold but cured not a cat in hells chance.


    She is probably feeling betrayed, lied to and not really knowing where she stands in all of this, and after all this time together I am not surprised. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot?


    As for those who have said "if she loves you" I get so sick and tried of hearing this, most seem to use this as a cop out putting it all on the SO. I'll put it another way to those who are still hidden " If you loved her"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sandra
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  10. #35
    Member CaitlynRenee's Avatar
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    Samantha,

    I think Mandy said it right. I'll add that my ex was pretty much the same at being reactionary in any discussion where she wanted to get the 'upper hand', felt her own position was a bit weak or worse still, was totally ignorant about the subject of the discussion. Defensive is a word that comes to mind. And she never even knew of Caitlyn since Caitly didn't exist at the time.

    Some people are just that way and you'll never be able to change them. They'll have to be convinced some other way. Hopefully she'll get educated and accept that education.

    Good Luck

    I'll add that I won custody in my divorce and SHE was the one to get 'frequent visitation rights'. No reason why YOU can't get custody and remember, no matter what, don't EVER move out of the house. That's seen as 'abandonment' and will go against you in a court of law.
    Last edited by CaitlynRenee; 01-26-2011 at 10:01 AM.

  11. #36
    Senior Citizen Mary Morgan's Avatar
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    I can understand your wife being angry, I can understand her fears and concerns. I cannot understand how she could be so hurtful toward you if as you say your relationship "was going along just fine". I suggest that you agree to counselling as a couple, and with someone who is familiar with transgender issues. As for a cure, right! Hopefully she will calm down and the two of you can begin to work on your relationship. Just my two cents.

  12. #37
    Just Saying Hi Traci Elizabeth's Avatar
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    I can certainly feel for you. But you can not expect your wife to accept your cross-dressing. If in the end she does than that needs to be her choice alone. As far as her seeing a therapist - why should she? You wife not accepting is a common response as that is not who or what she fell in love with. So I am afraid that you are at her mercy. It is her choice not yours if she can accept this or not. But I do hope the best for you as this was not the response you were hoping for from your wife.


    Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"

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  13. #38
    Junior Member and GG cordgrass's Avatar
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    If I were your wife I would freak out. I wouldn't threaten your job--surely she must see how stupid that is. Point out to her that the more money you make, the better you can take care of your children, even if there is a divorce. But the other stuff, yeah, I probably would react that way or worse. Of course I know that crossdressing can't be cured, so I wouldn't suggest that, but what a devastating betrayal, keeping such a secret from her for so long.

  14. #39
    Girl in disguise Emily Ann Brown's Avatar
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    Been there !!! You have my prayers.

    Girls, grow up. Wifes can go off the deep end (in our opinion) and we are at their mercy. When you have a marriage fight neither party has to "be reasonable". Sometimes we aren't either.

    Best advise is to try to please her, but don't lie and make promises you know you can't keep.


    Em
    Living with a heel in each world.

  15. #40
    Just another 'Gurl'
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    Very sad story. I wish you and your family all the best.
    Just another man in a dress

  16. #41
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Someone told me once during a difficult time that the sun will rise again. I hope that over time you'll have opportunity for calm and reflective conversation with your wife - mediated if need be. The trust issue may be the biggest thing to get over. I don't know how, but it may be possible to impress upon her that after a lifetime of denying and hiding, its difficult to find the courage to tell a loved one. It took many years for you to first realize that the desire had not gone away, and second many more years to realize that you couldn't keep it a secret from her forever. You found the courage to tell her, at last. That should count for something.

  17. #42
    Member RACH99's Avatar
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    I applaud the wonderful advise you've already received here so I will try not to just repeat.

    First off even your explanation proves it's not just clothes. It never really is. At the very least it's how you feel or respond to the clothes. If it is "no big deal + just clothes" as many imply you wouldn't be fighting or hiding it so long to keep it in your life like a secret lover. Again this is just my POV having found myself on the opposite of this coin. It feels very much like your SO has a new love in his life or he's cheated you somehow when he fights so hard to keep this new [to you] she in his life. It's never just clothes and even as a newer member here I find it insulting when so many imply CD is just that...clothes. Even I have tried to believe this but even my limited learned has proven this a rather simple statement for a complex issue. So why do so many use this argument then get upset when the SO doesn't see the need to have it be a part of her live via yours. [For better or worse when you share your life with another everything they are, everything they do affects you]

    I found out the hard way. I found his stash and he let me believe he was having an affair rather than admit the truth...he assumed I might be a little pissed by an affair but I'd get over it. It broke my heart in two. I was shattered. See what assumption gets a guy? :brolleyes:

    It took my leaving and filing for a divorce before he admitted the real truth. Not the truth as to who he was when we met or in the many years of marriage or even the who he said he was when I found his stash...but now he was giving me the "real truth" :noidea2::confused3::tantrum::guns

    By that time I was so hurt and confused I didn't know what to think or do. I started trying to sort through all the lies and misdirection. I loved him so much but on the other hand who was he really? I mean you cannot hide a rather large part of who you are and pretend to be someone you aren't then be surprised when your SO finds out you were pretending in part to be the very one she fell in love with.

    Yet I found this site, joined it to learn and heal whilst we were separated. I rejoined my husband with very little understanding and lots of uncertainty so don't ya'll go preachin' about "if she loves you she'll accept this" That's just BS. If she loves you she'll try to find some peace in her own heart and then go from there. You've hurt her a great deal [fear and hurt often hide under a mask of anger] so give her time, space and lots of patience. If you love her you'll do that.
    Last edited by RACH99; 01-26-2011 at 12:35 PM.

  18. #43
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    I appreciate everybody's response. I'm grateful for the good advice. I have spent a long time looking at it through my wife's eyes. I understand her being scared. I know that it was a very large bomb I dropped on her. She's afraid that her whole life will now come apart because of this. I can respect that. I don't want that to happen. I still love my wife deeply. I have never stopped loving her, even for a minute through all of this. I just feel like I can't win here. I feel like this is part of who I am. Do I give that up just to make peace? A war between two things I love. I mean if comes down to it I would give up dressing to save my family. I am still hoping that it won't come to that. How do you change who you are? Other than by living a different lie.

    I have made an attempt to communicate with her more about everything. She really isn't trying to understand my need to dress, she just doesn't want to talk about that. She only says this is something she doesn't want and it needs to be cured. But I have made an attempt to be more open about everything else.

    I think I will try to go to a therapist with her. Although I am very skeptical about finding a good one. I have visions of how those sessions would be with both barrels pointed directly at me by her and the therapist. But I think it might be good for both of us.

    I have always been envious of those of you that have a SO that is accepting. And very jealous of those of you that have a SO that is supportive and allows cding to bring another level to your relationship. I don't even know what to hope for in my situation right now. I guess just that my marriage will survive, I won't put my kids through a divorce over this.

    Thanks again for your responses.

    Samantha X




    I love to wear pantyhose and other silky things. So sue me.

  19. #44
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    (moving things around a bit)

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    I thought that once I got married things would change. They did. After I met and fell in love with my wife, I lost interest in dressing and for the first 6 or 7 years...
    You are not alone. There are many, many crossdressers that believe that once they have a wife, they'll be cured of crossdressing. It's a common mistake. It has a sad outcome, but it is a very common mistake.

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    Over time it has lost the sexual excitement it had many years ago.
    This is common too. Many crossdressers who start young and experience crossdressing through their youth, puberty, and young adulthood experience a strong tie between sex drive and crossdressing. It's no surprise really then that young men think they'll be cured once they have a wife, or at least a very regular sex partner. If the urges are taken care of by other means, no need, right?

    (and now merging elements through the post)
    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    So in secret I started again...I didn’t think all of this was a big deal. To me it seemed like a harmless hobby.... I really didn’t think it was a huge deal. My wife thought differently....No matter how I present the truth about me not being gay she still doesn’t believe me. Or the fact that I have zero interest in transitioning to female or try to pass in public. She either doesn’t believe it or can’t see past the stereotypes. ... She then accused me of a porn addiction. ... She wouldn’t believe this one either. Or that I wasn’t involved in some online affair with someone. ... It’s funny how a decade and a half of fulfilling my responsibilities at work, home, in the community mean absolutely ZERO in light of my desire to wear women’s clothes from time to time.
    I still fail to see a big issue here.
    It's an absolutely ENORMOUS issue. What I think you're not seeing is that you spent a decade and a half with this woman, and so far as she knows you've been lying to her the entire time. You withheld absolutely critical information from her. What reason you withheld it is immaterial. To many (most?) women, withholding important information is a lie, pure and simple. She most likely now looks back on all the time she's spent with you as a sham, one giant lie. You're mad she won't believe you about not being gay, not cheating, not addicted to porn. She certainly has one hell of a right to think you're lying about those things. You've lied about crossdressing all these years.

    Every time you put on a pair of hose, a slip, anything crossdressing...you were lying to her. Every time you bought something online, and had it delivered to your secret PO box, you were lying to her. Every time you stashed things in your secret storage area, you were lying to her. Every time you purged your browser history, you were lying to her. Every time you crossdressed when she couldn't discover you, you were lying to her. Over and over and over again you have lied to her.

    And you wonder why she doesn't trust you now? I don't mean to be harsh. I'm not trying to tear you down; the opposite actually. You need to look in the mirror as the first step towards reconciliation. This woman's life is in tatters because of your years over years over years pattern of lying. She is shaken to the very foundations of the understanding of what her world is supposed to be.

    This isn't some little deal, some harmless little secret that wasn't hurting anyone else. This was fundamental, base core foundation of your relationship.

    Trust is both incredibly strong and very fragile. It will tolerate all sorts of abuse, but then there can come a moment when it all comes crashing down. Once its destroyed, it can take years to rebuild...if it ever rebuilds at all.

    You have shattered your wife's trust in you.

    I agree; counseling is in order - for both of you, with a marriage counselor, to help figure out ways forward towards rebuilding the trust she took for granted.


    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    I was told that I need to see a therapist to cure me of this evil sexual addiction.
    There of course is no cure. Crossdressing isn't a disease, or psychosis.


    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    But unless I agree to get “cured” of this sexual deviance then she’s kicking me out. And threatening to use this secret to take my boys away from me. And ruin my career.
    Modern day courts won't take your kids away from you because of this. In fact, it may very well backfire on your wife in any custody hearings. A good lawyer can manage this quite well, and if she has a halfway decent lawyer their side won't even bring it up.



    I hope for the best for you. You've got a very long road ahead of you.
    Last edited by JulieC; 01-26-2011 at 04:53 PM.

  20. #45
    New Member Katie in Canada's Avatar
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    Upon reading your submission, I began thinking, hey...this is my life word for word!

    My conclusion to date and this conclusion takes in a far bigger picture than just dressing, lying to those who are closest to us or any level of relationships, is that maybe the majority of those who are not accepting to anything other than what they are told to believe are afraid to be themselves fearing rejection as others may be publicly critical of them (...?).

    Is there ever a right answer? One can only do what your think is your best and we learn from there.

    cheers,
    K.

  21. #46
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    I always wanted to tell her about it but was afraid of her reaction.
    I'm sorry, but this is pure rationalization. I appreciate the difficulty you're in and I'm sorry it has come to this, but don't blame your wife for your own inability to tell her. You say it is no big deal. You're wrong. On a monthly basis, you engaged in an activity that brought you a great deal of pleasure and in which you had absolutely no interest in involving your wife, I suspect because it might have ruined it for you more than because you felt your wife would not have understood. You won't be the first CD who doesn't want his male image diminished in his wife's eyes and to blame it all on her shows a lack of accurate self-evaluation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    I didn’t think all of this was a big deal. How could I bring it up to my wife. I thought after six years of marriage that the desire had left me. I was wrong. I still love dressing up. Who was getting hurt?
    If it wasn't such a big deal, then why couldn't you bring it up? Who was getting hurt? Your wife. You robbed her of something that women prize most in their relationships, which is emotional intimacy. Don't you think she felt at some level that something was amiss? You don't think she sensed that you were doing things online that you didn't want her to know? If she told you that she just wanted to know the truth a few weeks ago, it is because she knew there was a secret you were keeping from her. I can't emphasize enough that this, more than the CDing, is what has eroded your marriage in the last few years.

    You say that you weren't blissfully happy in your marriage. There's no telling what stories your wife has told herself to explain your distance, as much as you like to think that she never would have sensed how much you love your "hobby". Maybe she thought you were having an affair. Maybe she thought you weren't attracted to her like before. Frankly, it is only natural that she grew resentful to the point of being less than open-minded about the CDing now.

    The issue to discuss with a marital counselor is not the CDing so much as relearning how to build up the trust that has been severely eroded in your marriage.

    If your wife thinks that she wants the CDing cured, it may be because she thinks it takes away from the emotional intimacy she craves with you. You can't blame her for seeing it as the cause for the rift in your relationship, since you kept it from her for so long. She has no idea what it's all about. She thinks it is something that you prefer over her. I mean, really ... you treated the CDing just as you would have an affair. You kept it from her.

    If my post sounds like I'm berating you, please know that I'm not. I'm just trying to point out that you won't move forward in your marriage until you give up the idea that the CDing is "no big deal".
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-26-2011 at 03:28 PM.
    Reine

  22. #47
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    Well said Renine

  23. #48
    GGG (Good Giving Game) GG MiamiMarie's Avatar
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    Samantha X - be careful. Be very careful. I completely agree with the other GGs on this board, but if your wife actually threatened to blackmail you or wreck your career (and lest we forget, my fellow GGs, some of those VERY angry and vindictive women do exist), take any necessary steps to protect yourself.

    But, in line with the other GGs I gotta say, nothing makes my skin crawl more than CDs who hold these secrets for decades, and then act as if their secret is no big deal. If it's no big deal, then why the secret? You can't have it both ways. And you can't take a whole lifetime to accept your own CDing and then expect her to accept it quickly.

    I'll bet your wife thought she knew everything about you and your sexuality. I bet she thought she knew you better than you knew yourself. Now, she finds herself married to a fantastic liar who's sexuality she has no clue about (and she can't trust what you tell her yet). And there are spouses out there (sorry, but there are) who have no interest in learning about what CDing is because it enables them to stay angry and hate you. And if your marriage was not very strong before, then this can present an opportunity for her to lash out and break out of the marriage.

    In my case, I've never once had a problem with CD and was actually kind of a fan of it, and my husband still kept it a secret for 18 years. People that know me will generally refer to me as laid back and very even tempered. I've never once been called psycho, or even irrational. But for at least one month after I found out the truth, I was pyscotically, recklessly angry. I screamed, I vomited, I threw pillows at my husband at 4 am, I punched walls, and cried hysterically for days. But from the get go, I was ready to accept. I just needed to overcome the rage from being lied to, and I had to mourn the idea of what I thought my marriage was.

    On one hand, your wife may be expressing rage. She may be lobbying empty threats right now because she feels powerless. she may be very afraid that you have more revelations for her - that the other shoe can drop any moment. Threats may make her feel like she is not a fool - because I promise you that right now she feels incredibly stupid and powerless.

    On the other hand, she may actually attempt to do these things. Many CDs on this board have ex wives who let the whole world their secret. So sleep with one eye open for a while.

  24. #49
    Member KristyPa's Avatar
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    I feel for you so much. I don't think she would be in anyway acceptable or understanding even if you told her upfront. I understand totally any partner not excepting a crossdresser, thats why we hide it from them and everyone else. My girlfriend of 20 years and I went to a therapist several years ago about another issue. The therapist found that she needed to change after six months of seeing him. She said he was a total quack and we never went back. I could never tell my girlfriend about this part of me. She would go crazy, tell everyone we know and remind me of it every time she was in a bad mood.
    Your going to have to play this out and hope time helps. Most of our mates will react somewhat differently and you can see that from the responses here.
    I've always had the fear of being caught and have so since I was very young. The fact that I did this always made me wonder why I do. I have since I was very young like the rest of everyone here, so how could you explain this to someone who doesn't.

  25. #50
    Member girlalex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RachelOKC View Post
    After twelve years of marriage your wife finds out that you've been hiding a fairly large aspect of your personality from her. If she did the same to you, would you not feel angry and betrayed? That this is "just" crossdressing doesn't really matter. You've been living a lie - not necessarily one of deception, but one of omission. Wouldn't that be difficult for any partner to accept under any circumstances?
    I agree, if she really loves you then she's not pissed of about the the crossdressing but the fact that you've been keeping a secret for so long thats such a mojor part of who you are.
    Which means that she over reacted and will get over it. you should probably introduce her to this website so she will see on her own that we are all people just like everyone else.

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