Samantha X - be careful. Be very careful. I completely agree with the other GGs on this board, but if your wife actually threatened to blackmail you or wreck your career (and lest we forget, my fellow GGs, some of those VERY angry and vindictive women do exist), take any necessary steps to protect yourself.

But, in line with the other GGs I gotta say, nothing makes my skin crawl more than CDs who hold these secrets for decades, and then act as if their secret is no big deal. If it's no big deal, then why the secret? You can't have it both ways. And you can't take a whole lifetime to accept your own CDing and then expect her to accept it quickly.

I'll bet your wife thought she knew everything about you and your sexuality. I bet she thought she knew you better than you knew yourself. Now, she finds herself married to a fantastic liar who's sexuality she has no clue about (and she can't trust what you tell her yet). And there are spouses out there (sorry, but there are) who have no interest in learning about what CDing is because it enables them to stay angry and hate you. And if your marriage was not very strong before, then this can present an opportunity for her to lash out and break out of the marriage.

In my case, I've never once had a problem with CD and was actually kind of a fan of it, and my husband still kept it a secret for 18 years. People that know me will generally refer to me as laid back and very even tempered. I've never once been called psycho, or even irrational. But for at least one month after I found out the truth, I was pyscotically, recklessly angry. I screamed, I vomited, I threw pillows at my husband at 4 am, I punched walls, and cried hysterically for days. But from the get go, I was ready to accept. I just needed to overcome the rage from being lied to, and I had to mourn the idea of what I thought my marriage was.

On one hand, your wife may be expressing rage. She may be lobbying empty threats right now because she feels powerless. she may be very afraid that you have more revelations for her - that the other shoe can drop any moment. Threats may make her feel like she is not a fool - because I promise you that right now she feels incredibly stupid and powerless.

On the other hand, she may actually attempt to do these things. Many CDs on this board have ex wives who let the whole world their secret. So sleep with one eye open for a while.