Scared and Nervous, with a question mostly for gg's and ts's

[Violetgray]

I apologize if I rambled a bit, it was past 2 am in the morning, and the night had been.. eventful

Anyway, skip to 2mins. 30 seconds to get to the point... There is a question, but I think I just needed to rant...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMcro...&feature=feedu

[LitaKelley]

WOW.. your voice.. sexy and feminine.. I wish I had a girl voice like that. As for answering your question, I don't know what to say...

But, about your comedy.. have you thought about posting more comedy videos for youtube and building up a following that way and getting into their partner program for revenue sharing?

[JOJO44]

Let's see:
You are dressed and look like a female.
You sound like a female.
It is two in the morning.

What am I missing here?

I know it is not right, but it is what it is.

You are a woman out walking the streets at two in the morning. Sorry.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Violet,

I watched question 1 and question 2 videos. I'm pretty sure he thought you were genetic. I'm not a GG, but I think that it is "normal" for guys to try to hit on attractive girls like you are, especially if you are on your own and it's late at night. Men who are like this guy seems to be, don't have a reputation for being called "sexual predators" for nothing. My wife tells me all the time, "its no picnic being a woman in this world". :2c: That's the whole point of the Gwen Steffani song.

Hugs
Rachel

[PortiaHoney]

Hi Violet

What you have experienced is perfectly normal for any woman walking the streets at 2am in the morning by herself. Being hassled by scumbag men who don't know what "no" means happens every day. If you try to be polite - they just think they need to use more "persuasion". It can get messy. A very firm, clear "NO THANKS" will mostly get through but not always. You could follow it up with "F**K OFF D**K HEAD", but that too can get nasty.

The answer. Don't be walking the streets, alone, at 2am. Most women learn this lesson at an early age.

I would consider the fact that you got home in one piece, especially after guy no.2, to be a wake up call and you were VERY lucky you got home before he decided to take matters into his own hands. It could have been so much worse. It's not that I want to scare you. He could have been a very nice single gentleman who holds a very responsible position in a high profile company looking for some long term commitment with a beautiful woman because he discovered all those women he could meet through normal channels are just too boring. Not some bum, driving a white van, searching for a victim to have his dastardly way with, because he has no home, no job, bored, having watched too many porn videos and too many drugs in his system..

You enjoy doing the show? That is great. Another thing you may find yourself experiencing is the unwanted fan who won't go away. I don't want to scare you, but these things are a reality for all women.

Confidence goes a long way to protecting yourself from these unwanted attentions. The clothes you choose to wear will either scream - don't mess with me - or - oh look, I'm easy. A short skirt at 2am is an open invitation to idiots who have been drinking or worse. They immediately think "hooker" or at the very least, an easy target.

A taxi, if it's possible, is the only option I can think of to get from A to B in one piece. Unless you have a male friend who can join you for the walk home.

Keep safe darling.

Portia

[Niya W]

Simple answer is . If you go out enough you will run into a guy like that. I've had guys make rude comments, others that would not take no for and answer. I've had guys whistle at me while I'm in my car I tell them I don't like men and they think they can change that. The thing that got to me is a guy tried to get into my car. This was in front of bar with people in it . I started the car and backed up. I told him if he does not get out I'd drag him for the next 50 miles and break ever god damn bone in his body. Do to the fact that I was working on my car I had a heavy socket wrench in my car which I grabbed . That convinced to get out . I'm not saying things like that will happen but you have some stupid men out there . If they are drinking it makes it worse . If y are going to leave at 2am I suggest driving . As you found out walking the street at 2 am is different as women than guy . If you are going to walk home invest in pepper spray or a stun gun or both.

[PortiaHoney]

. The thing that got to me is a guy tried to get into my car. This was in front of bar with people in it . I started the car and backed up. I told him if he does not get out I'd drag him for the next 50 miles and break ever god damn bone in his body.

Lesson number 2. Always lock your doors when you get into your car.

[Niya W]

I unlocked my car door and he grabbed the handle very quickly. I was in the process of closing my door when he grabbed the handle .Plus I was not thinking much about it as there was people out side when he did it .

[Steph.TS]

The man in the white minivan creeps me out, the behavior you describe make me think he's a stalker, I think it would have been good if you called a taxi or something and have the taxi go to a hotel or some place safe. leave people like that completely clueless about you. going in the house means he can look at a phone book and call you...

I consider myself TS, but I'm not full time, I haven't even walked outside enfemme yet, but I can only hope that what you experienced is not normal.

[Vickie_CDTV]

This really made me think about what I would do. I told my elderly (vulnerable) mother not to hesitate to take out a cell phone and dial 911 if she ever feels she is in danger; give them your location etc. and tell them someone is threatening you (the guy following you in the van would qualify as a threat to me.) While you are in a different situation in life (TG, a woman of color, young and attractive), and attitudes by the authorities vary, would it have been appropriate to dial 911?

If that had been me, I probably would have dialed 911.

[girlalex]

I wouldn't even do it in guy mode. lol. its not safe period.

[Olivia2]

I doubt your were read as anything but a gg (you certainly pass for a gg) and it would seem to me that there is no perfect response... but most likely moving like you know where your going and not engaging in conversation would be the best way to signal you are not interested and not available. Even in male mode I would not be crazy about walking out in the streets alone and taking too much time getting to my home-that is, not stopping for food, etc. Even males can be mugged late at nite when very few people are around. Please be careful.

Edt: didn't mean to repeat what the previous poster said about guy mode because I was writing during the previous post but I'll leave it to emphasize the point.

[Raychel]

You are very right to be scared Violet. The world is a very differant place at 2:00am. As said before. I would definitly carry some pepper spray. You should also find a friend that will walk home with you. I would definitly not do it alone.

[KellyCD]

One more reason I wanna be a cop. I want to make the streets safer for people.

[Jenna Stunned]

Sounds like you just ran across some drunken a-holes who were showing their ture scumbag colors. Ive never been out so I can't say how often that happenes but, There is NO WAY you were read as anything other than a GG. You pass really well, Even if you were like 6 foot 5, I dont think that anyone would read you. Im glad that everything turned out alright in the end because, Thats a really scary story. I hope things go better for you in the future.

[cordgrass]

I'm going to disagree with the other posters in this thread. You misunderstood social customs. A woman has a perfect right to walk along the street alone at 2:00 am. But a lady does NOT respond in the slightest to strange men on the street talking to her, particularly at 2:00 am. By responding at all to these men you were signaling you were open to more conversation, and possibly might be a prostitute. You walk by with your head held high and completely ignore them. No smile, no recognition that they are there. If a man persists, you take out your cellphone and pretend to talk to someone. If he persists further, like the way he was following you right to the front of your home, you tell him you are calling the police if he doesn't leave this instant. That latter comment should be the only comment you give him.

By showing submissive behavior--responding to a stranger's advances, even if just with a smile--you are signaling to the men that you are vulnerable to predatory behavior. It is understandable that these men were testing the waters. You absolutely pass as a woman, and the likelihood of a woman walking alone at 2:00 am being a prostitute is large. As long as you make it perfectly clear that you are a respectable lady, they will probably respond in kind.

By the way, an excellent book for any woman or transsexual to have is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. It goes into great detail about how to keep yourself safe and discern predatory men.

[Pythos]

Violet, I want to appologize for all the decent men out there for that behavior from those Jack asses.

I really agree with Cordgrass, I totally dislike the notion women should be out on the streets alone, even at 2am. But it is dangerous. You need to know how to exude much confidence. I do agree that talking to these men in any manner is a no no. I worry when my GG decides to go walking about late at night on her own. She is extremely "victim" mentality. She exudes "victim", but she is trying to work on that.

My view on this is NO ONE, male female, gay straight, CD, TS, should be out on their own at that time in the morning, or even at night. There are some real scumballs out there, mostly male and they do this stuff all the time. It is wrong, disgusting, and gives men the horrid name they have.

Violet, I hope that this SOB got the message, was drunk and forgets everything. Keep us informed if he surfaces again, if he does CALL THE COPS.

[TGMarla]

This has never happened to me while en femme, but it happened to me anyway, en homme, while walking home one night. A car was slowly following me while walking, and I felt....like prey. I asked a cop for help, and he told me, "Well that's prob'ly just some fa**ot trying to pick you up, boy! What's that you got sticking out o' th' bag there?" It was a nightstick, a billy club, to protect myself from getting mugged again, like I had only two weeks prior to this episode. I was arrested for carrying an illegal weapon, during what turned out to be one of the worst nights of my life.

Nearly every GG I've ever talked to about such things has some similar story like yours to tell. They carry mace, or pepper spray, or those little cans that make a really loud noise when you press the button on top. They park close, never walk alone, take cabs for even short distances. It's a victim's mentality, and it pains me to think that women have to live like this. But it's not only women who are victimized. Getting rolled like I had been was very traumatic, and getting arrested simply for trying to defend myself was almost as bad.

When we go out presenting ourselves as women, we are inserting ourselves into the world of women, and it comes with all the bad stuff along with the good. Welcome to their world. It's full of pervs and predators, like it or not. I'm not female, but the answer to your question "is that normal?" is, unfortunately, YES. The abnormal has become the norm, and the best thing you can do, especially if you're presenting yourself as female, is assume the role, and act accordingly. This means protect yourself, and be ready for the unexpected. Remember, women (especially at 2 AM) disappear all the time, and it usually ends in tragedy. Don't be a victim.

[Dena]

Great advice from Cordgrass. If you have a cellphone it should have been in your hand. Maybe you could have gone up to your door and knocked on it, pretending you were where you were going (but not letting on you were home).

I'm actually amazed at the number of women who have had worse experiences than that.

I tried to like Eddie Izzard, but do not find him amusing.

[BRANDYJ]

True a woman has the right to be out on the street at 2AM just as anyone else has the right. Of course that includes the drunks, the stalkers and predators of the world. Sure she has the right, but it's damn foolish and dangerous. It's not even safe for a man to be out waking the streets at 2 AM alone.
I agree with everyone else Violet, you are very convincing as a woman and that's what this jerk was hitting on. Please stop risking your neck by walking home alone at 2 AM. Hell, I'm not so sure I'd risk walking your street as my male self, let alone as a female.

[Babette]

As Cordgrass said, a woman has the right to walk along the street alone at 2:00 AM. Here is the reality though. Rights alone cannot protect you from injury or death because attackers won't respect them anyway. Your best defense under any condition starts with maintaining situational awareness at all times and then using good judgment. Would you wade through a pit full of hungry alligators at feeding time? No because common sense tells you otherwise. Would you let a 10 year old child walk the same street alone as Violet did at 2:00 AM? I certainly hope not. Would anyone on this forum walk a darkened alleyway alone within a seedy part of town? OK, I've made my point. The potential for violent crime or harassment anywhere dramatically increases at night. Just keep that in mind before going in harms way.

Women are not the only victims to foul play or sexual predators. Innocent men, women, and children are harmed everyday throughout the world. Too often, they failed to use good judgment and were in the wrong place at the right time.

I believe Cordgrass offered some good advice for dealing with threatening people. Hopefully, this will end the situation should it happens to you. If it doesn't and the situation escalates, then it's time to be thinking about a new action plan. To that end, I strongly encourage every person reading this post to arm themselves with knowledge. Please attend training on personal safety at your first opportunity. It can save you life. I know because it saved my own.

Babette

[Sheren Kelly]

Hi Violet,
I too have been followed on several occasions. I feel gender fluid enough to go from femme to fighter in a heartbeat, but I am conscious that once I step into my femme side, I become a target (regardless of being perceived as a tall lady or a CD) and behave accordingly. I avoid dark places and try to stay with friends etc. I have even asked people I trust to walk me to my car at the end of the night. Obviously that won't work everytime, but we have to accept that we draw unwanted attention (or malice) just for being ourselves. If any of us are EVER followed, please try to get to a place where there are other people. The best bet is to make your way on a well lighted and busy street to the nearest police station, or busy store or restaurant. I felt a shudder when you said you walked into an alley!

I hope we all carry cell phones and have a trusted friend we can call (even at 2am).

As for guys, who knows what they are after?
This could have been an honest (but inappropriate) expression of attraction; and attempt to lure you into an opportunity for them to bash a TG or potentially a prelude to rape. In any event, no one can predict the motivations of a prowler you meet on a dark street, so it is absolutely better to be safe than sorry.

[Robynts]

Violet, sorry your had such a crappy experience. Most guys, especially late at night and drunk are a**holes.


My response otta get this group fired up, but a**holes in the middle of the night are exactly why I have a concealed carry permit. Also, guys who don't understand the meaning of the word "NO" are the reason why I made my son and daughter both earn a black belt before they could date.

[Stephanie Anne]

2 in the morning and you are walking home in what I can only guess a neighborhood that has prostitution. You looked like a target. There is no way that is normal.

You need to take better precautions with yourself. What happened is Russian Roulette and if you keep being careless like that you will eventually be raped, mugged, beaten, or worse. Stop being in situations that you felt safe as a guy. Never put yourself in that situation again.

[Faith_G]

Now you understand what "male privilege" means deep down in your soul.

Violet, please let a man walk you home from now on. It's sexist, it's not right and it's not fair, but it's the world we live in.