Anyone else not want their SO to participate?

[ReineD]

Kind of like the difference between a privatly held company and a public one... Having to dress up and get voted on by the board of diretors doesn't sound like fun to me! Lol.

No, that wouldn't be fun.

I can understand a GG giving pointers to a husband who asks because he's just starting out, but we also see other GGs all the time who have different dressing styles than we do, and, you know, we don't walk around giving girlfriends our opinions on everything they wear. lol.

Maybe there are some wives who like to dictate what their husbands wear even in guy mode, though. I suppose if he only wants to wear torn jeans and faded Tshirts when they go out, she has an interest in suggesting something a little more appropriate, but if the husband has a reasonable fashion sense, why would a wife want to be so nit-picky?

From what I see in the Gallery, the CDers who have been dressing, putting on makeup, and going out for years don't need advice from anyone. They've developed a good sense of personal style just like any other GG (it's not rocket science ), so why would their (accepting) SOs object to what they wear in femme mode?

I don't object to the clothes my SO wears. In fact, I admire her style.

[Amanda22]

actually, my wife and I give each other advice, feedback, and have an unbelievably good time together. Crossdressing is yet another aspect of our relationship that we can share. She has her style and I have mine. I think it comes down to how much respect exists between two people in a relationship. This isn't really about crossdressing, in my opinion. Who would want the participation of another in any activity if that person wasn't respectful and tried to tell you what to do?

[MsJanessa]

My observation is that the best marraiges are those where each partner gives the other some breathing room--not those where they have to be together 24/7

[Sometimes Steffi]

The thing is Karren that accepting and participating are two different things. My wife's acceptance consists of not beating me with a baseball bat whilst I'm sleeping She doesn't want to see me dressed or talk much about it, so participation is a long long way off

Zoe

I would say that your wife tolerates rather than accepts, but I'm not sure that my wife has even gotten that far.

Steffi

[OccasionalSkirt]

My wife and I have different ideas of fashion, and I prefer not dressing around her. It also helps me keep my Jen-time from interfering with wife-time.

[Eryn]

...another reason you don't want your wife helping, is, she may try to force you to wear JEANS!!!!!!!!!!

I beg to differ. Last Saturday my wife waited patiently and critiqued 10 different pairs in the quest for perfect femme jeans. I found them too! I love my wife!

[NathalieX66]

Hi Karren,
I've been to quite a few Tri-Ess support group meetings, and seeing wives participate, let alone support is a rare breed. What's in it for them, really? We have a few members where their wives come along , and we all go out to the local diner for a dinner. A few are very encouraging, but still rare. They're the most coolest and loving wives ever. I wish I could meet a girl that cool.
but in reality, I am someone who has socialized with quite a few CD'ers & TG in the past year or so, and I hear a lot of "my wife this, my kids that, my girlfriend this, etc....." , and all going through the battles of acceptance from a spouse. I personally think these battles can be overcome. Moderation and regulation is a start.
All I can say is that you, or anyone needs to convince that being a crossdresser is not a dominating aspect of your life, but it is a part of you.
Karren, you sound like a very loving & giving father. Why shouldn't you have a piece of yourself at least once a month? I wouldn't expect parcitipation for your wife, but maybe some space for CD'ing would be adequate enough.

[Christy_M]

I want my wife to be "OK" with me...all of me. If she can do this from afar, great. If she needs to participate, I would figure out how to let her. If it was all criticism then she wouldn't be OK with me. I would be embarrassed trying to fiddle around with myself, as I was with my first wife but I think if we talked through it and set boundaries it would be OK. I do agree that it can't be all consuming. We all need our space. Whether it is dressing or bowling we can enjoy it together or separately.

[Stephanie47]

My wife does not approve of my cross-dressing. Right now it's DADT, which is OK just as long as I get my daily private time. I would not throw my cross-dressing in her face, but, it would be nice to not be so closeted. Since she still works, I have assumed many of the household chores. So, during the day I may be wearing a nice dress doing the chores, About a half hour before she gets off work, I have to get back into the male mode. Once in awhile it sure would be nice to cook the evening meal in a nice dress and experience a little 'grab ass.' In the summer it would be nice to serve her refreshments in the backyard while wearing a sun dress.

As long as she has such a negative view of cross-dressing, I'll keep it to myself in the privacy of my home.

[donnalee]

I get what your saying. I've made the mistake of telling my wife she has no taste in clothing.

And yet you're still breathing? I could never be THAT brave!

If any relationship is to last, there must be some territory that is exclusive to each partner. The other may or may not be appreciative of the result, but is not to be involved in the process of creating it. This can be dressing or any other thing. I think this is essential; togetherness is great, but if it's all the time, it can lead to disaster.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I don't think my wife will ever progress to participation as it's a struggle to even gain acceptance. I'd be deleriously happy if I could just dress around the house once in a while when it's just the two of us, and not get "the look" and a demand to put boy clothes on.

[Teri Ray]

I am in the wife knows but chooses not to participate camp. Having my wife know, and to the extenet that she is willing to accept this passion I have (but have not real understadning of why I love to dress) I fell very lucky that she still loves me. Although my wife chooses not to participate or see me dressed she does do little things that I believe are an effort to understand me. For example she always tells me when she will be alway for an extended time or lets me know that her time away wil be short. A little gesture I know but I believe it is intended to help me better understand when I might get to dress. When she is away for an extended time (as in days or weeks) she lets me know when the kids may be coming. Plus her knowing I dress when she is away is a huge mental relief factor from not having to worry that I left lip stick on the counter or lost a false nail.

For me dressing is like hunting my wife knows I do both but chooses to leave me to those passions without getting involved other that acknowledgment ( and helping me put my things away )

[Karren H]

Karren, you sound like a very loving & giving father. Why shouldn't you have a piece of yourself at least once a month? I wouldn't expect parcitipation for your wife, but maybe some space for CD'ing would be adequate enough.

That would be awesome but my priorities are Family first... My needs are last... I lost any claims to having "fem" right when I didn't tell her before we got married... Wasn't part of the contract... And too late to make amendments... And I'm totally ok with that..

[TGMarla]

That would be awesome but my priorities are Family first... My needs are last... I lost any claims to having "fem" right when I didn't tell her before we got married... Wasn't part of the contract... And too late to make amendments... And I'm totally ok with that..

That's my situation exactly, including how I feel about it. She didn't bargain for this, and I didn't disclose. So I put her first.

What I don't get is: if all of you ladies consider your dressing to be super personal, why are we discussing this on a public message board?

This board may be public, but it still provides a good amount of anonymity. Just because I like posting here and interacting with like minded people doesn't mean I run around in my front yard all dressed up proclaiming my feminine qualities to the rest of the world. No offense, Alana, but that was a real gratuitous statement, and you know darn well why we post here, personal activity or not.

Sheesh!

[Avana]

This board may be public, but it still provides a good amount of anonymity. Just because I like posting here and interacting with like minded people doesn't mean I run around in my front yard all dressed up proclaiming my feminine qualities to the rest of the world. No offense, Alana, but that was a real gratuitous statement, and you know darn well why we post here, personal activity or not.

Well maybe the statement was trolling a bit but the point is this:

I find it rather disingenuous to hide or keep this type of activity from a SO while at the same time flaunting it to anonymous randoms. If the SO is opposed to it then obviously it's understandable, but if it just comes down to a desire to keep it 'personal', and yet people are living secret lives with secret facebook accounts with secret friends and secret compliments, connecting through public sites like this, I think one needs to seriously examine his or her relationship with the SO.

[xxprincess_tiffyxx]

Well maybe the statement was trolling a bit but the point is this:

I find it rather disingenuous to hide or keep this type of activity from a SO while at the same time flaunting it to anonymous randoms. If the SO is opposed to it then obviously it's understandable, but if it just comes down to a desire to keep it 'personal', and yet people are living secret lives with secret facebook accounts with secret friends and secret compliments, connecting through public sites like this, I think one needs to seriously examine his or her relationship with the SO.

I have to say, Alana I agree with you completely. Understandably for some of us it can be pretty much impossible to admit this desire to anyone even their SO.
To add to what u have stated, I feel those living double lives and keeping everything from their SO.
It to me is basically cheating. I mean obviously if your are not sleeping with or kissing its not quite the same.
However the lieing, the sneaking all are there. Its not fair to the SO involved.
I say give it a shot, tell ur SO, see how they feel, test the love see if its really meant to be or not.
The SO's involved deserve to know, they deserve the truth and the opportunity to decide iff the life in question with all the surrounding circumstances is a life they want to
Live and a relationship they want to be a part of. Just my opinion. Could be better than dragging out a relationship of lies and sneaking.
Both you and your SO could feel better, or it could end it. To me if its truely love then things can work.

[Karren H]

Ohhh please..... The truth will set you free... Free of you life, your love, your family, your job and probably all your money... You with accepting SO's seem pretty clueless with your "go ahead and try it" statements.. And god I love to say disingenuous 20 times.... But living with an unaccepting wife and a family you would die for and you not that you can never quit crossressing... Wtf other choices are there.... "Give it a shot"... Like your buying a lottery ticket or something. That's pricless.... Hahaha.

[Amanda22]

alana_v and black007, bravo for what you posted! I agree 100%.

[Avana]

Ohhh please..... The truth will set you free... Free of you life, your love, your family, your job and probably all your money... You with accepting SO's seem pretty clueless with your "go ahead and try it" statements.. And god I love to say disingenuous 20 times.... But living with an unaccepting wife and a family you would die for and you not that you can never quit crossressing... Wtf other choices are there.... "Give it a shot"... Like your buying a lottery ticket or something. That's pricless.... Hahaha.

As I said in my post, if the SO is not understanding, then obviously it's not a good idea.

My post was directed at those who don't care whether their SO is understanding or not, but simply want 'girl time' to be a personal, secret hobby.

[OccasionalSkirt]

I am in the wife knows but chooses not to participate camp. Having my wife know, and to the extenet that she is willing to accept this passion I have (but have not real understadning of why I love to dress) I fell very lucky that she still loves me. Although my wife chooses not to participate or see me dressed she does do little things that I believe are an effort to understand me. For example she always tells me when she will be alway for an extended time or lets me know that her time away wil be short. A little gesture I know but I believe it is intended to help me better understand when I might get to dress. When she is away for an extended time (as in days or weeks) she lets me know when the kids may be coming. Plus her knowing I dress when she is away is a huge mental relief factor from not having to worry that I left lip stick on the counter or lost a false nail.

For me dressing is like hunting my wife knows I do both but chooses to leave me to those passions without getting involved other that acknowledgment ( and helping me put my things away )

I agree (and have the same hobbies!)! I'm happy my wife knows so she doesn't interfere, but we keep our own hobbies. It's part of not losing yourself in another person.

[NicoleScott]

My wife knows and doesn't mind seeing me dressed. She has bought things for me (in the past, that is. She now knows that I much prefer to pick things out for myself). She has snapped a few photos for me. But she really doesn't like to participate, but allows me to do my thing both at home or away from home. I used to think it would be cool if she would participate, like going out with me or bedroom activities while I'm en femme, but she doesn't want that and I don't push. In fact, now I really prefer to do my dressup activities in private. I don't feel that I missing something (her participation) and falling short of total satisfaction. I'm very happy with leaving her out of it, and so is she.

[June Laine]

I wasl ucky enough to come clean before being married and she has set boundries that I respect. She has moved from tollerance to passive support by buying things and making comments on outfits and Ihave become comfortable dresing around her in the 20 years of marrage but I with her knowlege mostly dress while on travel. I know I have it better than most and consider myself lucky

[docrobbysherry]

What I don't get is: if all of you ladies consider your dressing to be super personal, why are we discussing this on a public message board?

Maybe I can answer that, Alana. Since I post pictures of Sherry naked, and/or semi naked on line. (Not allowed to here, tho!)
What I show r pics of Sherry AFTER her look is COMPLETED!

That's COMPLETELY DIFFERENT in my mind, to posting pics of her DURING the process of her CREATION! And, THAT'S what's VERY PERSONAL about dressing for me!

[Heather Daniels]

Ohhh please..... The truth will set you free... Free of you life, your love, your family, your job and probably all your money... You with accepting SO's seem pretty clueless with your "go ahead and try it" statements.. And god I love to say disingenuous 20 times.... But living with an unaccepting wife and a family you would die for and you not that you can never quit crossressing... Wtf other choices are there.... "Give it a shot"... Like your buying a lottery ticket or something. That's pricless.... Hahaha.

Amen Karren.
You know folks, this debate comes up often here and I really don't think there's a "one size fits all" solution to it. We are all individuals with different circumstances to deal with. We all have to try and deal with this issue in a manner that we think is best for ourselves, and our family's. By outing oneself, you could face acceptance, or a life catastrophy. There's really no way to know in advance. Talk about playing a game of Russian roulette !! I think if we ( us older people ) had known then, what we know now, we would all have confessed to this hobby before saying " I Do".......but alas...we didnt know. We didnt know that marriage would not end this desire of ours. We didn't know that the urges would get stronger as we got older. Hell....we didn't know that so many others like us, even existed then. I honestly think that the younger members here have a huge benefit over us older ones, simply because of the resources available now, and the small strides in acceptance today. We could all argue this point till the moon turns blue, but nothing is going to change. The decision to tell or not tell, is a very personal and individual one. We all have to figure out which is best for ourselves, and our family.

[Jennifer4cd]

I would like my wife to accept my crossdressing. She definitely hates it and does not want me to do anything. "If something happens to you while you are doing that stuff, I will not call anybody. You can fantasize and be on the computer all you want, just don't do it." I do like to put on Loreal Lipstick when she is not aroundvand sometimes when she is. It comes off easily if there is an emergency.