Will my grandson grow out of it?

[busker]

Cynthia,
you didn't mention whether he had sisters or brothers, what are the influences on him at the moment, does he watch particular programs on tv, (that's television, not transvestite), family environment. There was a great British series years ago called SEVEN, the premise of which was "give me a child of 7, and I'll show you the adult", and it was extremely accurate over the course of 5 or so seven-year periods.
Does anyone talk to him about why he's interested in dolls and dresses? We all go through phases in life, and he could grow out of it. I started in my teens, had a very long "dry spell" and started up again in my 60's.
As the others have said, support and a loving environment will do more than a whole passle of doctors generic phrases.

[suchacutie]

Might I focus on the phrase, '..grow out of it...' That phrase assumes something needs to change, or that there is hope that something will change. As we reach puberty things do change radically, and the hormonal shift might just do that very thing. There are pictures of me in high school that my daughter says would have made me a "pretty boy" in today's culture. In the first two years of college my "90-pound weakling" physique shifted and I gained 40 pounds in my shoulders and arms (and now have that darned inverted triangle body shape!). The "pretty boy" look was suddenly gone and much changed.

My opinion is that it's most important that your grandson makes it to puberty with no social stigmas attached to his preferences. If he is supported and not made to feel less than he is, he will grow well...though not necessarily to anyone else's specifications

my best,

tina

[Cynthia Anne]

Cynthia,
you didn't mention whether he had sisters or brothers, what are the influences on him at the moment, does he watch particular programs on tv, (that's television, not transvestite), family environment.
Does anyone talk to him about why he's interested in dolls and dresses? We all go through phases in life, and he could grow out of it. I started in my teens, had a very long "dry spell" and started up again in my 60's.
As the others have said, support and a loving environment will do more than a whole passle of doctors generic phrases.

He has a brother one year older that is the oposite of him very macho. He watches very little TV and would rather clean house and cook! I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.

[Lorileah]

he is a free spirit, a special person who does not see the need to be confined to societal requirements. He will grow up and as stated many times above he may or may not change his likes. I don't see the problem but that is me (and most here).

My brother had dolls and a kitchen set and he is not a crossdresser. Nope he is one of the most macho gay guys I know

[rhonda]

Cynthia things are gonna work out , the two brothers might flip roles , they might both be macho men or they both might become crossdressers and or stay the same as now I know you will support and love them which ever happens

[Vickie_CDTV]

There has been quite alot of publicity about kids like your Grandson lately on the news including a woman who wrote a book about her son. I believe it's called "My son wears a dress".

It is called "My Princess Boy". It is a fascinating story, he wears dresses and likes pink and other 'girly' things, and he does so openly everywhere; they did take him to professionals and said he did not have GID and he, in his own words, indentifies as a boy. At the same time I worry about children like this. The feedback from some adults has just been brutal, mostly the "you are raising him to be gay!" thing. Ironically, if you look at it statistically, most TVs are heterosexual, and odds are he would be as well... but the less obvious issue is, if he is heterosexual, he may have a very very hard time finding a female parter and end up being very lonely in that regard. (This is something I wish I knew when I was younger, perhaps I would have made different choices.)

http://www.myprincessboy.com if anyone wants to read more.

[Angiemead12]

Kids at that age are usually very honest, have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him. Let us know what happens after please.

[Felicia]

I will add to the "I didn't grow out of it". My parents thought I would grow out of it and at time in my youth I did put it out of my life. It came back later in life and has been a part of my life ever since

[TxKimberly]

I say thank you all of your comments thus far! My only concern is the doctor has my daughter convince that he will grow out of it and I fill this may not happen!

Cynthia, your average Doctor has probably never even met a transgendered person let alone have any real and practical knowledge about us. It sounds like he is a nice guy and just trying to ease everyones mind, but the reality is that YOU may well know more about the topic than he does if you have been doing any research online.

He has a brother one year older that is the oposite of him very macho. He watches very little TV and would rather clean house and cook! I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.

Pssstt . . . you just described my young life to a T . . .

[Rhonda Jean]

We're all familiar with the lack of acceptance, but the reports over the last couple of years of boys being allowed to transition in elementary school bother me, too. Sounds wonderful on the surface, but, what the hell? They're just kids! I think that some parents can be too quick to show how enlightened they are. I think there's lots of room for acceptance and support without going as far as full transition and planning hormones and srs at age 8. Just my opinion.

I completely support allowing a boy great latitude in feminine expression, but the whole early transition thing in it's own way solidifies that there are only two choices, boy or girl. I guess that beats no choice at all. I see nothing wrong with letting a boy grow his hair down to his ass, wearing nail polish, getting his ears pierced, etc., but to say to a child that to do these things as a child sets one on a life long course, that it is a concrete decision, seems a little ill advised. An overreaction. We're all examples that there's a spectrum of gender expression, not just the two points at either end.

Will he grow out of it? Who knows. Ideally, I'd hope that he'll be allowed grow into it, out of it, and back into it if he chooses. It doesn't have to be permanent either way.

[TGMarla]

He'll grow. Whether he continues to gravitate towards traditionally feminine things or not, only time will tell. We all make our own path. My own proclivities began at an early age, but really came out after I'd turned 12 years old. These behaviors have not diminshed much for me over the years, but everyone is different. There's a good possibility he may never grow out of it, and in fact these trends may continue and get even stronger. It doesn't necessarily mean he's destined for a life of crossdressing or even (gasp!) homosexuality. But he will find his own way through life, and he'll do it better with love, support, and the comfort of knowing he doesn't need to hide a part of himself away from his loved ones for fear of ridicule and rejection. So be sure to hold him close no matter where he goes.

[GingerLeigh]

I dunno, as a crossdresser I never liked to play with dolls/kitchen stuff. I used to melt my little green army men in my sister's "Easy Bake" oven, and eat all the powder before she could cook it. Oh, and I'd break her Barbie dolls. I loved breaking things, playing war, my bicycle, playing with my dad's tools, and oh my beloved lego.

Stockings initially were the only feminine things I liked as a kid. I would start with the leg rubbing and I was hooked. I never grew out of it. Well, I don't rub legs anymore. It only got more involved as I got older with dresses, shoes, and now makeup.

Will he grow out of it? Time will tell. Don't make him feel bad about it, let him know it's OK. He may never change. But, try not to encourage it either. You don't want him blaming you (or you yourself) for his potential troubles down the road. Let his life unfold naturally as he matures, don't push him or pull him in any direction.


Ginger

[Jennifer Marie P.]

No he wont grow out of it I didnt.

[Annie D]

After reading all of our replies and understanding what we have all contributed; that he won't grow out of it, I think that you should go back to your doctor and simply ask, "what if he doesn't grow out of it?" We all know the answer but then you might follow up with inquiries from the doctor about where he can go for support, not repression. Being in the Ozarks or what I perceive as "the bible belt", don't get me wrong, but I doubt if the doctor you are taking your grandson to is very familiar with transgenders. If a professional is not around or if you can't afford one, I would read everything available on the subject. All the comments from all the girls are great but I doubt if any of us knew what was going on when it was happening to us; most of us were too ashamed or guilty to express our thoughts at the time. Give your grandson all the support so that he doesn't feel ashamed or guilty and try to shield him from all the harmful comments he is bound to endure in middle school and high school. You may even need to make a decision to change where you live to enable him to express who he is and not be harmed. Good luck!

[happy2cd]

I think the Doctor needs to back off the comment of certainty that the boy will grow out of it. Your grandson might grow out of it but probably won't. The worst thing that can happen is to berrate him for his choice and for what makes him happy. His parents should not be given false promises of a certain future especially when you have access to a whole panel of folks who tell you that they are still waiting to grow out of it as their hair turns grey and falls out, etc.

Help the parents and hug the kid.

[loserjaxxy]

Be glad he isn't into gangster rap and guns.

[kristinacd55]

Hate to say it, but I'll bet he'll be a crossdresser and from personal experience it's not such a bad thing!

[Stephanie Anne]

No they wont. If you feel it is a phase and push for them to be seen how you think of as normal, you can expect years of mental anguish.

Support them and let them know you love them unconditionally. If they grow out of it they do. If they don't, be there for them when they will obviously go through tough times.

[Ingrid1999]

At this age it may be a game, he may grow out of it or he may grow into it.
The most important thing is that you and his mother love your grandchild for who he is. As he grows older and if he senses disapproval he may change himself for your sake. Repressing himself to be a good son.

The best way to insure he grows into a happy stable and capable adult is to assure him that you love and support him whether or not he identifies as a boy or a girl.

[BillieJoEllen]

Cynthia, some of what you described was exactly what my early age was like. The direction I got from parents, etc was that "boys don't do that sort of thing". I was able to detach myself from girly pursuits until I was a bit older. If anyone, my mother and aunt kept me attached or connected to Girly activities without my father's knowledge. I still recall in many instances that my mother would exclaim "boys don't do that...", but then privately.....

[Melinda Lou]

My initial thinking is that he probably won't ever completely grow out of it, based on my own experience--but then to me, at that age dresses and panties were forbidden fruit (as I lived in a house with no sisters) which increased my fascination with them. Even the few chances I had to be dressed up as a girl by my female playmates, I didn't take, as that "boys don't do that" voice in the back of my head made me hesitate (my advice to youngsters in that situation would be, don't hesitate, let her do it! :P ). So, perhaps being allowed to wear a dress and even have a dress of his own will lead him to get past this "phase" and go on to something else. Or, it could just let him develop his future CD fashion sense...hard to really know.

[DonnaT]

Hi Cynthia,

I think it's kinda hard to say if your grandson will grow out of it or not. He might do. When I was little, I liked to play "with the girls" - jump rope, hopscotch, that sort of thing but was never particularly interested in dolls or makeup. My bother on the other hand, loved girl dolls. He had lots of them and a dolls house too. He also liked to wear my Moms and Grandmother's old jewelry ... YET ... I went on the become the "crossdresser of the family" and he "grew out of it". He's not the least bit girly in any way whatsoever and hasn't been since he was about 12.

As indicated by Rachel, he may grow out of it, or may not. Some do, some turn out to be gay and don't dress up, some go on as CDers, and some are TS.

All you can do is be there for him, or her, if that should be the case.

I might add that parrents are devoriced and ahcoholic dad treets him bad when he has to visit him.

Watch your grandson carefully. His dad could be a big problem. Video your grandson, and watch for changes. Video those as well. These could come in handy if it becomes necessary to protect him from his dad.

[bridgetta]

when people say things. like. " he will grow out of it.." what they mean. is.. everyone else will eventually get used to it.... the kid is fine.. everyone else is uptight...

[Yvonne York]

Neither did I!

[Kitty Sue]

Hi. My experience is similar to another I read here. Both my cousin and I dressed in women's clothes growing up. My cousin grew out of it and I did not.

I have no idea whether your grandson will or not. If he does fine. If he does not that is fine too. Either way(and especially if he becomes increasintly feminine he will need the love and support of his family.)

Thanks for the topic, Kitty Sue.