Mom finding out today is the worst thing that could've happened to me...

[Christinedreamer]

A while ago while involved in a discussion about what G*d does and does not like, this whole scene came up. As we were in a church pot-luck social setting, I went and got a Bible asked the person making these declarative statements to open the Bible to any page and find just one quote attributed to Jesus about homosexuality (term coined in 1899) or CDing. He hemmed and hawed so I let him off the hook. "Just so you know, Jesus said not one single word about either."

That opened to flood gates for a very stimulating conversation and a bit of eye opening.

[Lena Teegal]

Live your life by your morals and values, and do not let your happiness come based on other people's acceptance. Be strong, the road will be tough but if you keep your head up you will come out stronger in the end.

All our love an support.

- L.

[SweetTransvestite]

Thanks again gals, unfortunately this problem had a bit of a relapse this morning. Doors are my worst enemy as this is the second time someone caught a peek at my wig through the cracks (the first time was back at college, by a roommate..which went great and fun in contrast). I opened it so slightly to let my cat in-this time the person who saw was...of course...my mom's husband. This was around 7 AM.

Teeheehee..no surprises from his angry reaction, he dropped it on me at 11 when I got some soda to drink, "Did I catch you in a god damn wig this morning?! Something's wrong with you. REALLY wrong with you!" Etc., etc.

I simply smiled and replied with what I was truthfully doing, "Singing in costume." I then changed the subject to what was on TV only to be met with silence from him (and what felt like "observation" as Princess and the Frog was on and I kept gushing about it) and small, short, angry-sounding replies from mom before I made my way back to the room. I then overheard them yelling at eachother-about me of course, as if they were planning how to "heal me."

It was mumbling at first, but then I took my headphones off.

Her:How can I do that, I'm a woman.

Him:A woman can raise a man, if she's tough!
(Clearly discussing my childhood in which my step dad was lost at middle school and she spent years with me single until meeting him.)

Her:I know, but what can I do, he's 21 now he's "grown"-he has a reply to everything. He used to stay quiet.

Him:But you could sway him back (from being gay) you were supposed to raise him to be a man a long time ago, now it's might be too late but he still has a chance if he fights it. If not he's ****ed up.

She reminded him of how she threatened to slap me the other day (that crazy car ride I opened this topic with).

His words frustrated me quite a bit, but I haven't let them bother me-even though I'm keeping my distance (which I've done since 9th grade anyways, the guy's worse than my aunt when it comes to disapproving every action I take.)

Ironic how much they love Martin Lawrence and Tyler Perry in drag roles. Had he seen the rest of my wardrobe..well..

Perhaps, since seeing me in the wig would require moving into a good position to see through the open crack, I could've asked what WAS he truly trying to see?

Haha.....ahhhhh...

If anyone's curious about the last time, it was when my (newest) roommate saw a similar site through the cracks of the door. A funny conversation ensued between him and my other roommate in which he said, "He's getting laid! He's got some girl in there!" "Oh that wasn't a girl you saw.." The rest was hilarious history.

My mistake this morning, I put on the stuff pretty late at night and lost track of time.. (Tired of a completely healthy enjoyment being my "mistake" here though-I'd get back out of here if I had anywhere else to go..)

[JulieC]

I think the situation you are in is incendiary and there's a reasonable chance of it coming to blows. There's deep seated hatred here, and an apparent willingness to ignore your rights. I would strongly urge you to do everything you can to avoid crossdressing while you remain at 'home' (I wouldn't call this home anymore), and do everything you can to get out of that mess as fast as possible. You will not be able to change their views.

[Babeba]

maybe she was really bothered about something else as well... there was one time I crashed at a new boyfriend's place rather than drink and drive... didn't call home cause that would've woken people up. the next morning my mom called and screamed at me tbat I was a horrible person, a ****, and that she wished I was a lesbian. It was months before I had the guts to talk to her about it, which was horrible because we're really close. turns out she didn't remember half of what she'd said, and had spent the whole night freaking out that I'd been raped or murdered or in an accident and that's why I hadn't called.

point of my story, it might make things less awkward if you talk to her. My mom and I laugh about the lesbian thing now. It sounds like your mom really loves you and you care about her- maybe she's worried that this is dangerous for you or somehow wrong. good luck!

[Melinda Lou]

To echo some of what others have said, you may want to keep your CDing under wraps when at home, just to stay safe. As comfortable as most of us seem to be with ourselves, we do still need to pick our battles. And remember, at 21, you have many years ahead of you, years when they will after all be dead and gone. They should treat you better, they may need you someday. So work toward your opportunity to move out and have an independent life, and then go. You may curtail your dressing for now, but you'll likely never stop altogether, nor should you.

[SweetTransvestite]

Yes, given this morning's experience my cross-dressing is definitely postponed until further notice-no matter what the hour, how late, how early, or how empty the house feels-I discovered all that can change on a moment's notice. At least this mandatory break began on a good note, an awesome sale on clothing at Rue 21. :-)

Little tough but I know I'm not alone here. Thank you again all. Back to the highschool days of doing it all in male mode, for now. :-/

[t-girlxsophie]

You owe that Ignorant fool nothing,no explanations at all sounds like hes the punch first,talk later type,neanderthal man.So I would say unfortunately,while under their roof safety comes first,till you can leave them to their Ignorant little world,and then you can be yourself

Sophie

[kimdl93]

I'd agree that while you're living under their roof, some house rules may apply. That's where your submission should end. You are an adult by any definition. Although you have had the misfortune of being born into a terribly rigid, narrowminded family - at least the matriarch - you don't have to live your life to agree with their set of prejudices. Get back to school, focus on becoming fully independent, and while you should maintain contact with your family, don't let them interfere anymore.

You may find a girl, settle down, if you want you can marry... (borrowing from Cat Stevens), but those are your life choices among many. Be true to yourself.

[debbie smith]

sorry to here that you were found out about cding but if my mum and dad were to ever find out my cding debbie would have the same commets that you got never mind un like you i have acting like a real female and that is sleeping with men

[Chastitycd]

Hate to be the Devils advocate here, but one thing I try to live by and I try to teach my son as he is growing up is in the end, when you have lost everything you still have family. My family will never find out about Chastity if I have anything to do with it, but they would NEVER understand. My mom is a hardcore christian and the area we live in is very backwards. As a matter of fact when you watch films that show racist towns in the 50's and what not, thats still how some of the towns around here are.... So needless to say Im thankful to have a wife that accepts me. But in the end no matter what I do in life or how hard i fail, i know my family will be there if i need them. No matter how i feel about them or they me. My advice to you is obey their rules, its their house. When you are rdy to go back to school right before you leave have a talk with your Grandmother and tell her that you respect her dislike for things you do in your life, you may not agree with the way she feels but you respect her. Tell her that if you can respect her then the least she could do is the same and if she cant then the problem is with her. I would also tell her that in this respect you have for her and your family that you will not mix your CD life with your family life, but it is YOU and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Ask her if she lived her life like she wanted to or did she waste her life letting someone else always dictate how she was supposed to live and act. If she cant respect you and lived her life by someone elses standards then show her the problem lies with her. If she says she lives her life they way she wants then tell her to give you the same chance whether she likes the way it goes or not. Either way, dont burn the bridge with your family, you will need them one day, but let them know how you feel and always respect them as its hard to get respect without giving some. Then go back to school with the plans to never return home to live there. Get a job lined up and plan ahead to where when you leave school again, you leave to start living YOUR life. My 2 cents..

[kimmy p]

Make your own decisions. But if it was me I would consider getting a job, going to school part time, and finding one or two people to share a apartment with me. You WILL eventually get past this, but I don't think that it will happen until you are on your own. Good luck.

Chastitycd: I don't agree with you. My life is MUCH better without contact from my family. You can't choose them no matter how bad they are. Instead I have found friends that I have adopted as family, and they feel the same way.

[larry]

Get out Get out Get out

[Jill Devine]

I think the situation you are in is incendiary and there's a reasonable chance of it coming to blows. There's deep seated hatred here, and an apparent willingness to ignore your rights. I would strongly urge you to do everything you can to avoid crossdressing while you remain at 'home' (I wouldn't call this home anymore), and do everything you can to get out of that mess as fast as possible. You will not be able to change their views.

I agree Julie.
Sounds like a horrible atmosphere to live in. Perhaps moving out and getting "space" will maybe, one day, open the door to communication and acceptance. Living at home is not good.

Run. Run as fast as you can.

[Sophie86]

I'm not in the situation, so my view may be totally off base. Here it is, though:

Personally, I think the guy's nothing but talk. All he's going to do is run his mouth, and make a lot of noise. Just keep your head down, focus on what you need to do to get back out on your own, and do it as quickly as you can. Not because your life is in danger, but because who needs to hear that shit every day?

My prediction is that they're going to grumble about it for a few days. Then they will see that you aren't bouncing around the house wearing butterfly wings, and that you're not bringing home boyfriends to cuddle on the couch with you, and the grumbling will die down. They'll integrate the information about you, put it into perspective, and get over it.

[eluuzion]

hiya ST,

“Over the River and to the Woodshed at Grandma’s house we go...”

Prejudices are what fools use for reason and try to sell to others as religion.

I am sure your grandMother means well, or gets mean very well, or something like that.

Anyway, as hurtful as people can be sometimes, that initial dramatic “blast” they expel is for the most part, an explosion of concern and fear of facing something they did not expect to encounter in life. At least not in their personal life.

Actually, that initial outburst is a healthy means of relieving built up tension and anger. It is called venting. To use the business world as example...

One of the critical phases in the process of firing an employee is the point just after a supervisor informs the employee he/she is being terminated from employment. (particularly if the news is a total surprise). The employee often spews out a virtual menagerie of emotions in one concise explosive rant. Surprise, disbelief, confusion, denial, resentment, anger, dejection, crying, pleading and other emotions combine in this outburst. It is pretty unsettling to witness, as you have apparently discovered from the first hand experience with your “grandMother“. Typically the event is short and the person either becomes somewhat complacent or finds an excuse for an immediate exit.

In a business setting, allowing the employee a short period to emotionally “vent“... or choosing to take immediate action to “squash it out”...can make the difference between orchestrating an orderly termination... or facing a psychotic nutcase standing at your office door an hour later, aiming at gun at your head.

One strategy with your grandMother might be to recognize her outburst as a “venting” event. The content of her statements reflect the perceptions and perspectives typical of her generation, not your generation. After she “calms down” and digests the issue at hand, it might be productive to reach out to her with an objective of openly sharing each others’ perspectives, with hope in finding some mutual ground that will allow the family bonds to remain intact.

Your “predicament” in living quarters falls under the unwritten laws of sandbox play. Whoever owns the sandbox gets to make the rules for those who choose to play in it...

just my thoughts...I never promised they would be stable ones...:D

don't give up on grandMa, her yummy cookies are a terrible thing to waste!

[Shelly Preston]

The only solution I can see is not to dress until you find a place of your own. Your grandama( mom) will not change her views. When they talk about straightening you out, you just know they wont change their opinion.
When she seemed to accept your costume. It was the same as martin lawerence in drag. She finds it ok if its only a role they are playing.

As many have said you need to plan your way out of this.

I hope you find somewhere soon so you can live your life the way you want too


Chastity I understand what your are saying about family but that is an individual decision. Some famillies will eventually accept while others would consider violence and can be dangerous

[Bootsiegalore]

"Being a man, getting married, meeting a woman, having kids, and being rich."

Oh Yeh! That will cure you! (said with sarcasm!)

Rachel

[EllieOPKS]

Hi Sweetie
From my perspective - I can not comprehend what you have done that is so dreadfully wrong. With that being said, my observation is that your grandma obviously cares for you. After all she took in you when your mother left for whatever reason. People like her that I have known personally are more concerned about the outside world accepting you. They are concerned about THEM being accepted by others because you do something outside of the norm .

You should hold your head high for being who you are. What you do harms no one. An interesting conversation with your grandparents would be for them to define what they see as their threshold. As an example based on your comments:
If you found a job you absolutely loved, but it paid minimum wage. You will never be rich, could they accept that?
If you were totally happy and at peace being single, could they accept that?
If you married and she was the love of your life but neither of you wanted children, could they accept that?
Would they be more accepting if you wore blue jeans and T shirt and joined a group of cool friends to hang with? (some times called a gang)

You are a motivated individual, I can tell simply because you are focused on your education. If your family looks a little closer, you could have been a far worse out come. If I were you, I would make it a point to move out quickly. It will only improve your relationship with your family. At that point, when you spend time with them, dress in a manner to make them comfortable. If you are ever questioned about crossdressing you can tell them kindly that you dress in drab for them, therefore they have no cause for discussion.

[stephi]

you poor poor baby, can I just offer my sympathies to you, your "Mom" just doesn't get it at all, and by the sounds of it, neither does the rest of your family. However, from experience, this will not be the end of your CD as this is a part of who you are no matter what your sexual preference is. So the best thing you can do is learn to accept this fact even though it may break your heart for a while and then continue to wear your favourite high heels and mini skirt or whatever makes YOU feel better. I know this will take time and won't be easy but sweetie you are so not alone out there and we are all here to help you through this difficult time

Keep your chin up, your lippy applied and stay in touch
lots of luck and big hugs
Stephi
xxoxx

[Jessica_Dillon]

I agree with what's been said already many times here. She's probably not going to change her mind, and trying to do so will only cause more animosity. If your break from school was needed for whatever reason, finish it up and then get back to school. That will, in the long run, be much better for you, and letting you be independant where you can be yourself. Family can be a long, hard road, anhd sometimes arriving where you didn't intend to go. It is very hard. Best of luck to you, sister!

[Stephanie47]

I recommend moving out on your own and attending school on a part time basis. Millions of people do it! Your are in an unhealthy environment. Do you want to hear everyday, "Repent Sinner," "You're headed to hell?" Oh, you're already there! You may as well wear the heels. You may want to find a gay-lesbian-transgender-crossdresser support group. If you're twenty one you cannot retire until age 67+, so there's no rush to get into the work force.