The majority of women will never accept.

[suzy1]

I am inviting controversy I know but this is how I see it.
Now some things in life are just unchangeable. Oil and water just don’t mix for example.
Now a lot [but not all] women do not like there man to be a crossdresser. We know that. And it’s understandable, to me anyway.
What worries me sometimes is that some members do not seem to except this. And blame there wives or girl friends for not accepting there fem side. Or at least are disappointed by there SOs reaction.
But it’s not there fault. It’s nobody’s fault! It’s just how it is.
Some things you just can’t change.
Show them love and understanding. See it from there side.

SUZY

[msniki48]

Suzy I agree with you, that many women do not want to see there men dress as women also, at least not yet. I do think, however, that the next generation will be much more tolerant than ours was as there is much more acceptance toward androdyny. women are stronger and men are becoming more sensative.
[ except on jersey shore...lol] i think our generation is plowing the way for the future. our women [ generation wise] were taught the same way we were...the man is supposed to be the man and lodi dodi da... but that is very different in this generation. many of our younger sister are going out clubbing en femme as though it were the natural thing to do. if we did that 20 yrs ago, we'd be shot. and our women felt the same way about dressing. i do think there is hope for the future. there will be plenty of GG women to go around for all our TG sisters. Another thing is, I think they will go into relationships knowing their partner is CD or TG[ we are so much more open about it]...as many of our partners did not. another plus for the next generation.

just my humble opinion

hugs

[suzy1]

I sincerely hope you are right msniki

SUZY

[Marissa]

Suzy, this topic was 'attempted' to be discussed in another thread and I believe you may have commented on it too, as I did. The topic was about some members' responses as you have indicted above. The blame, disappointment, and sometimes angry reaction to their SO/wives. The confusion on that thread became more towards why some don't accept cd/ts, etc...so it went way left field, even though I tried to bring it back to the main question. So I wish you luck on this thread, as I find it to be an interesting topic as to why do some who have an SO or wife, react as such.

Now normally this issue came about after a relationship/marriage has already began and its discovered or shared, after the fact.

I don't have either, but began experimenting a couple of years into my last marriage. Trying to introduce parts of my cding (just clothing) into the bedroom..she was not really into it but did not give a hostile reaction. But other things came to add to the breakup in the marriage. She was introduced to Marissa in pics after the breakup and still no negative response, in fact she came up with my name..

Hugs,
Marissa

[Marissa]

Suzy I agree with you, that many women do not want to see there men dress as women also, at least not yet. I do think, however, that the next generation will be much more tolerant than ours was as there is much more acceptance toward androdyny. women are stronger and men are becoming more sensative.
[ except on jersey shore...lol] i think our generation is plowing the way for the future. our women [ generation wise] were taught the same way we were...the man is supposed to be the man and lodi dodi da... but that is very different in this generation. many of our younger sister are going out clubbing en femme as though it were the natural thing to do. if we did that 20 yrs ago, we'd be shot. and our women felt the same way about dressing. i do think there is hope for the future. there will be plenty of GG women to go around for all our TG sisters. Another thing is, I think they will go into relationships knowing their partner is CD or TG[ we are so much more open about it]...as many of our partners did not. another plus for the next generation.

just my humble opinion

hugs

Can agree with you, niki, in that the young generation of now is more accepting then previous generations and if that is what the future holds, then there is hope that any cd or ts will have the courage to be more open about their lifestlye/hobby at the beginning of the relationship.

And that is great in preventing some of the issues that Suzy is referring to..where an SO/wife can not accept a crossdresser. They desired/married a man or at least the man that was being presented. So to expect a woman to accept it is a gamble and should not be a cause for reacting negatively if she does not accept.

Now I'm not talking about if she throws pots and pans at ya or outs you to friends/family, those would be reasons to react. But we can't be surprised if she just wants nothing to do it with at all. Just as how we would be surprised if she does accept it.

Hope this makes sense.

[Gina X]

Do you girls think that some GG women do not accept crossdressing partners because they are insecure in their own relationship and feel threatened by another female presence. I know in my case my wife and I had a very strong relationship and this would seem to be the case for several others on this forum who don't seem to have problems being accepted............

[Mary Morgan]

Suzy, while I accept your ascertion, I do not think it is a law of nature such as your water/oil example. While men and women may have distinctive functions as part of their nature, how they dress and how they appear does not necessarily interfere with the performance of those functions. In fact, the roles of the sexes and the attire of the sexes has changed, literally flipped over the centuries. I will not accept that crossdressing must be a point of conflict, rather that women have been raised to believe it is. In a relationship or in society at large, where each person is responsible, commited, selfless, loving, caring, hardworking, trustworthy and loyal to the cause, things like dressing can and have been overcome. I will certainly agree that it is a hard road to go, but it is not because of nature, rather it is because of attitudes and prejudices. We can all remember those who claimed discrimating against people of color was righteous because it was a law of nature.

[Stephanie47]

Suzy, I agree! My wife has known about my cross-dressing for over thirty years. She has known for longer than thirty years that I had a desire to wear feminine lingerie. Now, I am making a distinction between knowing her man liked to dabble in feminine clothing and realizing her man is a cross-dresser. There is a world of difference. My wife, as well as most intolerant or non accepting women, say they wish they had known up front. It has taken me forty years to realize, she may have wanted to know the full extent of my cross-dressing desires (so did I), but, now I am viewing life as I've had forty years of denial. I know what compromises I've made throughout marriage, not involving cross-dressing (employment, where we live, the house we live in, the church we use to attend, etc, etc, etc). I've drawn the line in the sand. If she ever were to break out of DADT, it's history. There are just so many compromises a person can make. When there is nothing more to lose or salvage, liberation will come for us.

[Rachel Morley]

I think that it depends on the woman. The title of your thread says "the majority of women" ... I think for the most part I would agree with that because, generally speaking, IMHO, the majority of the population of men and women prefer the opposite of what they are themselves as far as physical attraction goes. In other words women tend to like men to be men and men tend to like women to be women, if you get what mean. So, while there is a vast amount of variance out there when it comes to "attraction to a mate", I do think that (broadly speaking), given the choice, the majority of women would prefer not to date or be married to a transgendered person by choice. :2c:

[ReineD]

Now some things in life are just unchangeable. Oil and water just don’t mix for example.

Actually they do, if you add an emulsifier like an egg yolk, to make an opaque salad dressing that won't separate, for example.

Some things you just can’t change.
Show them love and understanding. See it from there side.

I disagree with you a little bit here. Your love and understanding can act like an emulsifier, which over time can help a woman accept. Maybe not in every situation since there are many other factors that come into play, but it is certainly doable.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Suzy, Your eye sight is undoubtedly 20 20. What you see is very much correct. Many times the CDing hubby is too self involved to see the signs of discontentment in their SO's eyes. (I know. I was one of those idiots!) They think incorrectly that being able to communicate their desires to their spouse means everything is OK. Not realizing the other person has needs and desires as well. Some of them may clash with each other and cause the need to negotiate limits and boundaries of acceptable behavior. This requires true OPENNESS on both parties involved to be successful. And it takes time and patience as well. Unfortunately due to the nature of men we can be severely lacking in both.

[Sophie_C]

You are correct and don't feel bad about it. Gender roles are a natural part of human existence. Most MEN aren't comfortable with their wives dressing like men, so it's how we all work...

[Jorja]

Here is the thing Suzy, all women don't need to accept CDing. Most CDers only need one women to accept it. That one is the one that matters most in thier lives. Add in love, understanding, and communication and you have a relationship dreams are made of.

[CherryZips]

Actually I wonder if as understanding of crossdressing and trans issues spreads it might put women off more not encourage them. If a lot of the women knew the realities, details and complications they might be more reluctant to sign up with a crossdresser not less.

The innocent woman who signs up thinking "ah its just a harmless hobby" might not be so enamoured by the common possibilities waiting for her.

[Katesback]

Why whould they? Why would women accept CD behavior when I dare say the majority of CDs dont see thier bahavior as mainstream? How can I say that? Because I have only known a small handful of CDs that were out in the REAL world presenting themselves with dignity and respect. It might be a surprise but these small handful of people actually earn the respect of people while they are out in the real world.

Also why would a woman accept a CD when they want a man? I realize that some CDs are exactly what they say they are but a LOT are REALLY TS in denial and hey why would a woman want to even take that chance?

Finally why would a woman want to deal with the all to common escalations, the need to express yourselves, the frustrations and all that? Why would they?

[ChristiesGurl]

And then there are those of us women who are wanting a LTR with a CD'er and can't find that special someone, or when they do, it just doesn't work out. :-(

[Fab Karen]

Except means to leave out. Accept is the word you wanted. If people speak clearly they can hear the difference.

[Cynthia Anne]

Suzy, I agree with most of what your saying, except for the part where you say oil and water don't mix! I think it's called Wal-mart brand!!!

[Pythos]

Great Maker, it is no wonder we are still a cultural reject, especially reading some of these comments.

[sissystephanie]

Why don't a lot of women like crossdressers? Very simple, most women like MEN! And many crossdressers say very plainly that they prefer to be women!! That is not at all hard to understand. Yes, I am a MTF crossdresser!! But I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be a woman. I like to wear feminine clothes, but that is as far as it goes. That is why my dear late wife loved me for the almost 50 years we had together, knowing that I was a CD the whole time. And the lady in Scotland whom I love also knows that I am a CD and could care less, because she knows that I am really a man!! If you are going to say that women don't like CD's, you have to qualify what kind of CD you are talking about!! A totally feminine male CD, or one like myself!!

[Leslie Langford]

I would tend to agree with Mary Morgan that how we choose to dress has a lot to do with how we are socialized. Most people will follow the prescribed norms as to gender-specific clothing in accordance with the way society has laid out the "rules", so to speak, whereas others - such as we crossdressers - are prepared to flout convention because those restrictions just don't work for us. Or as that great philosopher RuPaul once put it (and I'm paraphrasing here) "We're all born naked, the rest is just drag".

As for women accepting us or not, I would say that the biggest difference in how they might feel about our crossdressing comes down to whether or not they are close to us and/or have a romantic interest in us, or else are strangers or simply friends. When the crossdressing does not strike so close to home, it is less of a threat, and some might even find it intriguing on some level. But when it comes to "their" man, many will likely see his crossdressing as an affront to their own inherent femininity and would be inclined to feel threatened by it - especially if they already have self-image issues.

Morning television is rampant with shows targeted at women that either have gay male hosts e.g. the Nate Berkus Show or else are comprised of locally produced broadcasts that are focused on fashion, beauty, makeovers and hairstyles etc. where again, gay male "experts" in these fields predominate. And guess what? - the ladies just love these gentlemen and hang on their every word. Same thing with their gay male hairdressers and or the make up artists working in salons or at department store cosmetics counters that they visit personally for their beauty needs. But should their very own "manly" men exhibit those same skills or interests, most women would likely consider that creepy. And I would draw the same analogy when it comes to their relationships with the crossdressers in their lives. Not particularly logical in the strictest sense of the word, but then we all know that women as a whole are far more emotional beings than we are, and are much more inclined to let their feelings and hearts override their minds when trying to decide what to think or do.

I can also speak from personal experience. I've come to know a number of GG's (my make up artist, for example) who not only have no problem with what I do, but are, in fact, intrigued and fascinated by it. As for my wife, well, she is gradually becoming more and more comfortable with my crossdressing (or maybe I'm just wearing her down by this point ) but overall, "don't ask, don't tell" still prevails in our household.

As I said, not always logical, but it is what it is...

[GG Kathy]

I think the main problem is most of you look better than us so I would say it may be a little bit of jealousy

[Angie G]

Well then I'm blessed.I have one of the Accepting wives. And I know I've really lucky.
Angie

[BRANDYJ]

I think we are over-looking some simple laws of attraction here. If a woman meets a man, starts dating, starts to feel like there is a future together as a couple, has trust in him, then she may become accepting or understanding in time. The amount of time varies. But if a man starts to see himself as a woman and starts behaving more like a woman the the man the woman first met, then she is going to withdraw. Remember, she was attracted to a MAN, not a woman. Now if that same man acted like a woman while dressed, it is maybe even expected he at least try to walk, talk and act like a woman. No one wants to see a lumber jack in a dress anymore then a woman wants to see a woman (her man) act like a woman when he is in drab. Sorry if this offends anyone, but it is sort of a role play. If the man continues to look, act and be a man while in drab, there is more then a chance and hope the woman will still be attracted to him regardless of how feminine he might be dressed.
As for myself, I always show my SO that I am a man while in drab, But I can be as feminine appearing and acting as I want while dressed. She happens to love me in either role.
My best guess is that 50% or more women that are in love or falling in love, with trust, and respect already established will accept the male crossdresser if he is open, honest and most of all, show care and concern for the woman he loves. Go slow, be patient, and always show her she is loved and appreciated for more then just accepting his crossdressing.
I think many, if not most CD's go overboard, and way to fast once they simply tell there partner they like to dress in women's clothes. He never shuts up about it. Right away shaves his body hair, pierces his ears, paints his toe nails, wears a gown to bed every night, thins his brows and in any other way that is considered a feminine thing to do. All of the sudden, where's the MAN she fell for? A woman can understandably start to worry, get scared, turned off, and do an about face since in to many ways to soon, she feels she lost her man.
I see way to much selfishness in many CD's. And just what are they doing to show love and appreciation? We need to continually court the women we love. I think once engulfed in the PINK FOG, many forget this along with showing her you are still a man, the man she fell in love with.:2c:

[silhouette]

When I took haydee public it freaked out a number of people, but the ones it hit the hardest were my ex gfs.. and both of them have a lot of gay friends.. one of them even lives in a gay district of the city.. and they were still freakout of by it. So yes, a lot of women definitely feel weird about it.

Not surprising.. they want a man not a girl.. they want to be one that's pretty and gets all the attention .. women are catty with other women