Chloe,
I know just how you feel on this. I think you have gotten some really good advice so far. These are separate events. There is the CD'ing and your relationship with your wife, there is the fatherhood, there is your dressing, and there is drinking.
Let me start with the kid. Your life will change, period. The decision between you and your wife is will the CD'ing be known to your child. My wife and i decided it would not. I don't live in a place where this behavior is easily accepted so keeping it on the DL is a good idea.
This of course comes to getting better rules with your wife. I know I think I have things down to what is ok and not ok, but it is still a subject I am not entirely comfortable with around her. . . .(wait before you answer)
I would be lying if I told you I didn't grab some of the hooch myself. Sometimes it is just not feasible to dress-up and relax...or clean the house...or do work...so having a drink or two to take the edge off and trying to get to bed early is a trade-off. I did start drinking a little more heavily at one point and it was mentioned to me by the wife. It led to a conversation of why, which helped keep conversations in the open and stress a little lower.
Maybe if your wife takes a day trip with the baby to Mom's or you snag a day off you can get some longer dressing time to make you more comfortable for those times you can't dress.
Hope it helps, if only a little.
(Oh and that wait part, grab yourself a therapist. Before you go in, inform yourself. Be ready to talk about where you are and what you are feeling. You are there to make your decisions, they are there to listen. They should not tell you what you will be doing, but they should be helping you get to where you need to go.)
