Y'know, I kinda <3 you for that post. Thanks!Originally Posted by Lorileah
Y'know, I kinda <3 you for that post. Thanks!
I really don't worry about it and have no desire for therapy. I wasn't going to dress tonight and was going to cut off my nails, but felt kind of edgy. As long as I'm not hurting my wife, myself or anyone else, I'm not going to worry a/b it. My appearance may be "different from the norm" at times, but I really don't care. That's just me. I work hard and I'm a responsible person. If I want to wear something out of the norm -- so be it.
If you go to a therapist, I say be completely honest or you're wasting your money.
Birds of a feather. That is exactly what started the idea of me going to see my therapist about it. Once I started to think about what I'd talk to/ask my therapist about, I ended up on the "why" question. And I've been stuck there ever since. I have never been stuck on one topic for 48 hours. Never.
Anyway, my wife had the exact same reason for me to go to the therapist. She is positive that there's a deeper problem somewhere inside of me that is causing the dressing, and she is holding out all hope that this can be rooted out and I can be cured of this un-natural desire.
As for me? I dunno, I am thinking that isn't right. But I am going to go in with an open mind.
Sounds like my ex. Please, if you find the "cure" do tell us all what it is so we can avoid it.
I wear womens clothes because I can and I look good.This is just off the top of my head: I am getting more and more frustrated with not being able to answer a simple question: "why?"
Why do I like to wear women's clothes?
Why do I feel that urge?
Why does that urge ebb and flow?
Why can sometimes years go by without wanting to dress, then all of a sudden I *have* to do it?
Why am I stuck in limbo with it? I don't want to do makeup and a wig, but I do want to dress completely otherwise.
Why?
[sigh] I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...
Why?
I don't know.
I get the urge way to offen to worry about why.
Ahhh when I look in the mirrow I know I am going to have fun.
Years???? Really??? hmmm that has not happen..sorry
A lot of GG's dont wear makeup everyday so really why do we need to?
I have ask these question before and these are the best answers I can think of.
:sf::canada: I am who I am...I am very happy with who I am! I am transgender! Time for others to deal with it or get out of my way!
I really doubt that the therapist will conclude there is any deep-seated problem in your mind-unless he/she is a reparative therapist, which I'm assuming is not the case.
However, I would encourage you to talk to him/her anyway and the process will no doubt help you to gain some insight as to what dressing means for you-although figuring exactly what it is-not likely.
It took me a couple of years with my first therapist to get the nerve to bring it up and when I did it was no big deal and made me feel much better about working with the therapist and not holding things back. Good Luck.
Only you know the answers why, everyone has a different life story and different reasons why and when they began. The generic answer is that it is psychological and it depends on how you relate to either your gender identity or gender role. Your description makes it clear that it is the gender role that is important to you. What I mean by this is how you feel being obligated to fulfil the expectations and responsibilities of being a man against how your desire to enjoy the benefits women enjoy.
As far as the urge goes, crossdressing develops into a compulsion because it meets a psychological need that cannot be satisfied any other way. Plus it is great fun, exciting and pleasurable as well so it becomes habitual. But our needs and focus shift from day to day so sometimes we feel no need to dress because we have other priorities and our habit is temporarily forgotten about.
I want to be judged for who I am not what I am. Thank you for listening.
The "why" is never going to be answered well enough so that you will be satisfied. The bigger problem is trying to explain "why" so someone else. So now I shall not worry about it and pay more attention to the more important, "where, how and when".
me
My answer...
It's taken me a few days of constant thoughts on this. My brain hurts, if that makes sense.But I did come up with an answer that feels just about perfect. It made sense to my wife, too, which says a lot.
My answer is:
Because it makes me feel balanced. It is one of a few things that I do to help me find harmony among the various parts of Me. When my feminine side is strongest, dressing brings harmony with that side of me. Once it ebbs, so does the desire to dress.
I am Daoist, and believe firmly in living in balance and harmony. It's one of the core concepts of Daoism. Once one finds that balance, then all there is to do is to live it.
Last edited by NyssaF; 03-30-2011 at 12:01 PM. Reason: Italicise
Some guys at work would often go hunting and bring in dear meat to eat for their lunches (yikes!).But i concluded that even the most extreme male
behavour , as I have heard suggested, is not MY reason for crossdressing.No contrary reasoning or rebellion on my part.My crossdressing has nothing
to do with anything else outside of my body on this planet. It is a manisfestation of a lot of stimuli, a whole lot of trial and error, a lot of hurt and happy,
a great deal of embarassment and sometimes shame but never am I fighting agains a male-minded world.I crossdress because Ime a crossdresser.
Enough said..dana.
Why?
I also asked those questions for years! However as I have gotten older maybe I care less of what others think, or maybe with the internet it is clear their are so many in the world with similar interests! so I ask "Why Not"
It is another view
What does it do for you? Who cares? who gets hurt? How important is it? We can get so lost in the depth, but one thing is for sure their is only one of you, so take care of you! Those that matter want you too also! I am a crossdresser and I have fun!!!!!!! When i do it! Why, I don't care, I am having to much fun! You have to set some of your own rules, society is way behind and may never catch up with us girls!
There are a lot of reasons, and why do it is probably not why you do it. It's rarely a simple thing to start with, and it usually just gets more complicated as time goes on. Guilt has a lot to do with it, I suppose; because we're made to feel bad about crossdressing, it causes all kinds of compensatory psychological mechanisms to come into play. I'm a good example; when I was younger, I really wanted to believe that I was born this way, that nothing I ever did contributed to my wanting to dress as a girl, or my wanting to be a girl. It took many years to figure out everything that others did to me, and things I did to myself, that ended up causing me to feel the way I do even today. For, we are the sum of our genetics AND our experiences, and until you can look at your life objectively, you will probably always have difficulty figuring out why you are the way you are."why?"
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
My answer to the question "Why"
It's taken me a few days of constant thoughts on this. My brain hurts, if that makes sense.
My answer is:
Because it makes me feel balanced. It is one of a few things that I do to help me find harmony among the various parts of Me. When my feminine side is strongest, dressing brings harmony with that side of me. Once it ebbs, so does the desire to dress.
I am Daoist, and believe firmly in living in balance and harmony. It's one of the core concepts of Daoism. Once one finds that balance, then all there is to do is to live it.
(I tried posting this in the original topic, but my reply doesn't show for some reason. But this probably warrants its own topic anyway, so I am posting it here.)
I really do not know why; Your answer is a plausible one for sure.
But I believe if you ask a 100 people, you will get 100 different answers.
And that is good, every one has their own feelings an why they dress.
For me, Well I just do it, and leave all the heave thinking to a younger
mind. What was that someone said about teaching an old dog something??? LOL
Rader
I am glad that you and your wife found a "why" that works for both of you. We spend a lot of time trying to explain-to ourselves and often our loved ones - "why" we dress. Most of us that have spent any time exploring the subject are aware of various theories involving genetics, ineutero hormone exposure, early life experiences, etc. We can't objectively measure any of these influences on ourselves, so each of us is left with the choice of finding a "why" that works for ourselves.
Last edited by kimdl93; 03-30-2011 at 01:07 PM. Reason: added thought
Does " Why ? " really matter ? We can go and beat our heads against the wall about it and still not come up with the answer to "Why ? " Am I Trans, CD,or TS ? Why do we have femininity as such a powerful part of who we are? Is it environment or heredity ? So many questions....Why have I always felt I am female ?...At this point of my life..I really don't care....I try to be the best I can with what I have, and look after family...leave all the " Whys " to someone else...I have accepted my femininity as a positive part of my being..........Jo-Anne.
Last follow-up: therapist
One last follow-up. I just had my therapist appt. As everyone here already guessed, my therapist had no concerns, other than my continued guilt. The advice was basically: "you haven't done anything wrong. At worst, you've broken the artificial dress code of our society. There's nothing wrong with that."
:D
Apparently, your therapist doesn't buy his ladies togs from Macys in drag!? Lol!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Why do some people like broccoli? Because they do.
Last edited by Fab Karen; 03-30-2011 at 08:03 PM.
[SIZE="3"]Gender is a state of mind[/SIZE]
LGBTQ PRIDE
As of Oct. 5th, go here to see my pics:http://www.flickr.com/people/fab_karen/
A Yankee Doodle T-Girl
proud of my President
Contrary to what 90% of these replies say, the question "why" is INCREDIBLY important. People who don't ask themselves this question about their behaviors and desires (especially significant things like crossdressing) advocate for themselves the type of irresponsibility that undergirds immoralilty in life. There ARE answers (though yours may be different than mine for sure- but I'll bet there's a lot of overlap, too). I think it is utterly ridiculous to throw it all to the wind as chalk it up to some kind of personality trait or genetic inheritance. Life is complex, and yours has many factors (including your own adult power to affect and define yourself) that you should think about if you want to grow as a human. So many times people spout the "don't suppress who you are" bit, but it is no less suppressing and damaging to ignore your own questions about important matters like this. Sure, you can't let it rule your thought all day, but you should not stamp out the burning question, nor trade in your genuine confusion for the simplicity of some nebulous "crossdresser" identity that seems so much easier to live in- unless of course you just want the easy road and not the true one... Good luck with your soul searching.
To qoute the lines in the play hair" That longer hair and other affactation are purley nothing more than the males emergencr fromthe drab camoflage into the glorious pummage which is the brith right of his sex. When actually, thats the way things are in most species". Or something to that affect
Posting Permissions
