Support

[Babeba]

I thin that there's as much GG support as one could reasonably expect.

Support can and often should be a reality check, a wake up call, a seemingly harsh criticism. And as a discussion group we should expect and encourage debate. With debate, there can be misunderstanding, heightened emotions, ill-considered remarks, hurt feelings and wounded egos. As far as I'm concerned, that all falls under the broad definition of "support".

Honestly, I don't think I really need 'support' from the MtF forums anymore, I just come in here because I love talking. However - that's not the case for the majority of active GG posters at any one time! They rotate through faster than I think many of you realise. It is pretty damn daunting to come here as a brand new GG and try and learn about what the hell this cross dressing thing is all about.

I've got a thick enough skin that when I see someone has slammed one of my posts I don't really take it personally, but the thing which really hurts me a lot to see is when a new GG joins, posts a handful of times about her personal life - often having absolutely no one to turn to in real life to help them sort through something life has thrust at them which is confusing and new at best and a devastating emotional betrayal at worst - and stops shortly after someone (generally MtF of some sort) rants at them from their own narrow little ideological viewpoint, or their own particular bug bear about cross dressing.

I really feel that the most important thing to do first off when a new GG posts is to make her feel welcome, and let her know that she's not alone and that there are others out there going through the same thing. It's also important for her to see CDers and transpeople as REAL people and not just horrible caricatures. Open-ended, non confrontational questions might help her start to see things from the SO's point of view - and it's only after they start to feel settled - say, 20 or 30 posts in - that some of that "harsh reality" MIGHT not completely scare them off and put an end to them trying to understand their spouse.

What it boils down to is, would you like for the world at large to accept crossdressing to the point where no-one bats an eye at a Transwoman going about her every day, or a crossdresser going on their first tentative outing, or even a guy dressing up in a skirt? Then to get to that point, the people on this forum are going to have to be a lot kinder and more tolerant of those people trying their damndest to start to understand what makes you all tick. Until a new GG can reasonably expect to be completely, seamlessly welcome here, then I think the world at large gives as much support as MtF Crossdressers can expect.

You know, maybe THAT'S the key as to why some MtFers seem to think FtMs have it easier. They're just more welcoming, and get that reflected back at them.

[ReineD]

I post in here all the time and I don't personally experience many problems although some members can be catty sometimes. But, I agree with Babeba. I hate it when we have a new GG in Loved Ones who posts about her difficulties in coming to grips with the CDing, and some members will regurgitate all their own frustrations onto her. It doesn't take much, just one or two members who do this, to make this GG not want to post in the public forums any more.

I do want to thank the majority of you here, who are very kind and supportive to our newbie GGs.

Another issue is, if a CDer is having difficulty with his wife but then a GG comes in and sides with the wife, it's sad to see some CDers jump down her throat. The CD might instead take the time to question the GG if he doesn't understand or agree with her post, to hopefully gain insight as to why she feels this way since doing so might help him resolve the issues with his wife.

The worst is when CDers or TSs feel that GGs are being irrational b*tches when they are not completely supportive of their husbands. This is hard to take, for the GG who is here ultimately because she wants to learn. Learning takes time and if she feels her opinion is not valid or respected, she will stop posting and she will walk away with a less than favorable opinion of CDers (or TSs).