There are many CDers who are intent on blending in and who are in no way interested in emulating exaggerated forms of female dressing or weird portrayals of women. You are certainly not alone in rejecting drag artists' portrayal of women, or feminists' efforts to deny that women have a real and important role to play as home makers.
The point of crossdressing in a true CDer is exactly this: we have no idea why we are compelled to crossdress. It is simply something we are driven to do.
My advice would be to simply accept the person you are, and stop agonising over those aspects of this community with which you feel at odds.
