I know what you mean and I agree because thatnwas me up until a short time ago. I'm getting more comfortable with Ayn and she is less fetishistic than before. Now I want to be more social as Ayn. Buti have to admit my job, my conservative family and my wife would all disapprove. My wife knows but disapproves. She sees it as a slight against her.Originally Posted by sissystephanie
Goddess in my garden
Sister in my soul
Angel in my armor
Actress in my role
daughter of a demon lover
Empress of the hidden space
Sister to the boy in side of me
There are many factors involved in why I hide my CDing from most people. With my friends, at least the ones I haven't told already, it's because if they chose to they could make my life hell. As for the general public, if I'm going to go out en femme for more than a midnight jaunt I want to pas and I don't have the skills yet. There's also the fact that I live in the UK and we have the whole chav culture. Ignorant, largely uneducated, binge drinking yobs of BOTH sexes who wouldn't hesitate to attack me if I was rumbled. While I'm trained in martial arts and can, depending on the number, take on a group of assailants I wouldn't be abel to do so in a skirt and heels.
If I could dress how I liked with no repercussions I would dress to suit my mood but it would either be drab or full en femme. I've no interest in looking like a bloke in a dress and I'd feel ridiculous.
You may get the flames, but there's so truth to it. The year I came out publicly as a crossdresser, it was because of a new year resolution. But the resolution was not "Come out this year" it was "this year, I have to get "ok" with this." And once I did, it didn't seem like such a bad idea to come out because even if people shunned me, they'd be shunning the real me and not my facade I'd been putting out. Luckily I seem to have been accepted for the most part.
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~Riley
Check out my trans themed standup on YouTube!
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Good question and lots of great responses here. For the most part I will continue to hide it to a degree.
I told my best friend this year and he and his wife are totally accepting. My other friends....well, I'd rather not attempt that right now, and maybe never. I'm ok with that.
I'll probably never share this with my family, I've heard comments from them over the years about gender/sexuality issues and I'm not sure that if they'd be totally supportive, perhaps over time they would and one could say it would be an apportunity for me to help them "grow and accept" differences etc, fair enough, but I'm not ready to take on that role.
I feel lucky to be involved in a local group of CDs and GGs where we can meet, dress and share stories (good and bad) and enjoy this part of ourselves in a nice environment. For now that is fine for me, although there is a goal, oddly enough being pushed by several of the GGs in the group, to get us gurls out for a nite. I'd like to participate in that if the destination is more "CD Friendly", ie: specific night clubs etc. (If I could only get my make up chops together!!)
I don't have any desire at this point to 'go out in public'. Probably because I'd feel insecure because I'm far from passing and I would be concerned about other's comments etc. However, some in our group do in fact go out despite these issues and I admire their courage and self confidence.
I will keep it private with my CD friends, maybe share with select 'straight' friends and keep my familiy out of it for now. I'm content with that.
It is important to remember that real friends are "friends" always and they will always be there for you through thick and thin. If you tell a friend that you are a crossdresser and then shun you for that reason, then they were never really a friend and you really don't want to have them as a friend. It is a good method of determining who is really your friend and who is just an acquaintance posing as a friend. It is also important to remember that most of the fear consists of the demons that we concoct in our own mind and most of the time they are not real.
You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.
Congratulations on coming-out as a crossdresser. I wish that I had the courage and am hoping that it will happen this year. The only place I am not out is at work. I am in a high-lever position in a software development company so it's not quite as bad as being in a super macho job. I have been secretly hoping that I will be discovered by running into one of my coworkers when I am shopping or out on the town since it would force my hand.
[SIZE="2"]It goes in waves, and right now it’s not a good time to be an alternative, perverted, deviant, MtF crossdressing purveyor of so-called “wrongness.” Some of us embrace clandestine activity out of necessity, while others simply enjoy keeping secrets. Personally, anything wrong is attractive to me, and therefore COOL and fun, within reason, of course. Crossdressing is rather innocuous, IMHO. I cannot deny that the public’s misunderstanding and lack of acceptance for MtF crossdressing makes me smile – I like doing something a male is not supposed to be doing, and dressing as a woman (and enjoying it) tops the list, I feel. Perhaps only those who embrace thrill-seeking would entertain CD’ing as a reasonable male activity, but, since most thrill-seekers dance with stupidity, I’ll sit this one out. I take crossdressing very seriously and manage my own thrills via purposeful secrecy…
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[SIZE="2"]Yes, I would dress all the time if the situation presented itself, as long as something remained to be at odds with. If everyone crossdressed, or accepted crossdressing, I would no doubt crank it up a few notches to once again live at the fringe of society. I like it here. Of course, it takes enormous effort to dress entirely en femme, especially when you’re male and swimming against the tide of masculinity. Dressed as a woman head-to-toe, or “mix-n-match,” as you say, really doesn’t matter as long as I’m NOT dressed like the unimaginative individual next to me…If you could cd openly around anyone and everyone without repercussions, would you? Would you choose to dress entirely en femme or would you prefer to "mix-n-match" various male/female elements?
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It seems I open up more each year for me I have three main reasons for keeping privacy and hiding.
I have people I care about who would be hurt by the info
and
I feel there are people who I need to tell face to face before I really open up.
I would feel bad if they learned the news "on the street" before I told them.
and lastly
I'm still a bit scared of what would happen If I completely came out.
Its just an unknown factor each person Ive told has reacted differently.
The initial decision to open up was absolutely healthy for me and the right one for me.
The pace at which I actually stop hiding from people does change with time and is influenced by so many factors.
At first it was easier I had many people who I knew would be accepting; as it goes on I am getting down to people who may not accept it as well.
Any of you folks watch family guy? The episode where glen quagmires father gets a sex change is just about accurate. The truth is most people cant be bothered with labels or figuring out what is what. They take one look at a crossdresser and think "fag" or "homo" and thats it. Very few people will care to see beyond that to discover who we are as people. Instant judgement, instant dismissal. This really basic fact has kept me in the closet ... I hate being judged and i hate being dismissed.
Crysten
"Addicted to Victoria's Secret".
It is really important to remember that Family Guy is a Hollywood TV Show and we have all seen how Hollywood portrays crossdressers as "Drag Queens". Don't jump to conclusions from a TV show! Talk to real people on this forum like Jive Turkey on Rye and get some real information.
The main reason is my 7 year old (adopted) son. He has had few rough years (1 to 3 years old) from his mother and My wife and I agreed that for his best interest, I don't come out. (yet) We don't want to traumatise him. He has had a traumatic childhood and I don't want to be the cause of further problems. Maybe when he is older,there will be a time when I can be myself.
why do you hide your CDing
I have a fear of people knowing I think its because of what they will think.Im sure my x wife has told my sons but we have never talked about it.I dont feel that way about other areas of my life.
I like to dress femine when I do femine things & dress masculine when I do masculine things.
I am not sure if everybody read this part of your question but my answer is Yes for sure, both full and mix and match.
I hide my dressing because I could never pass, and I think I'd lose a lot of friends if I tried. Even before I had a beard, the image I presented when full dressed was somewhat like a pregnant grandma. In fact, my exes sister had a Halloween party once with "come as the opposite gender theme, and that is how I dressed. I wore one of my wife's old maternity skirts and top along with a grey haired grannie wig.
If I could dress with no repercussions from family, friends, or anyone else, I'd never wear anything but feminine clothing.
I don't exactly hide... more like I don't advertise. The main reason though is I want my kid to be accepted by others for who she is not for what I do... however, on the flip side, I do dress up mostly for halloween and it is all done in the spirit of fun... I don't label myself, I just do it and I'll admit it if the person asking has the fortitude to listen.
Chickie
I can't articulate the reasons that I still hide my crossdressing. Kendra comes pretty close. I don't want the people that I value the most to think less of me. This resistance to opening up on CD'ing is buried deep in my bones and goes all the way back to the very first time I put on my mother's cloths when I was 12. I felt very deeply that it was so different from what I had learned was normal that I must never let the cat out of the bag. Many many years later I push my limits in public around strangers but am much more circumspect with friends and family. I don't think that would change even if society in general was more accepting. Given more opportunity I would dress more, probably not full time but very often.
My "deception" is based on the fact that it is not accepted by the majority of my friends and family, and I'm not at the point where I wish to loose everything, so the "girl" has to be locked in doors under lock and key. Also for me there is no thrill of being caught, it's more like I just tolerate living in the closet and accept that living a male life that does not allow for being transgender in any way at all as being one of the cards I was dealt with in life.
For now I would not, until I reach that point where I am happy with my appearance, mannerisms and everything else. I would still choose to be in the closet. When that day does arrive where I would feel comfortable going outside there would not be a blend. If I present as female it's 100% female as possible and no exceptions to that rule.
[SIZE="3"]MUSCULAR GIRLS ARE PRETTY!!![/SIZE]
Current Inspirational Song-"Running Free"- Kissin Dynamite
M-E-A-T, M-A-C-H-I-N-E, MEAT MACHINE!, MEAT MACHINE!!!
The Governor for President 2016!!
All I want for Christmas is an Anita Model Synth
I'm not worried about being shunned by my friends at all, but at the same time I prefer to just be normal to them, it makes the friendship easier and crossdressing will never be "normal" to all in my lifetime. I do have a friend who knows because I told her, and I'm sure there are a few others who suspect, but I would rather keep my private feelings to myself, when it comes to most of my friends and all of my family. I just feel like it would be a general distraction to the overall relationship I have with many people, and I also don't want to make it the first thing people notice when they see me.
I live in several different contexts- most of my life is spent in accepting place with a supportive SO and a few close friends. But sometimes I have to be in another environment with male world brothers and sons who really would rather this part of me didn't exist, and then there's work place where it doesn't seem appropriate. These worlds evolved around me as my awareness of myself evolved. There was a time when I didn't really understand what was wrong with me. Later, I came to understand a bit more...and over time I've learned to accept. I've just chosen not to impose this self awareness on individuals and situations where it would create problems.
Ya know he's really a nice guy. a great husband to his wife, faithful to her, a good golfing and hunting buddy, beats me a poker most of the time, is a great listener when I have a problem I need to talk out with a friend, I know he will always be there if I really need him. I just for the life of me can't understand what his thing is about wearing womens panties and a bra under his work clothes. .
Even very close accepting friends and family will still say things such as this to their other friends about you. That is just life so you accept it as consequence or your keep it hidden
Yes, this is the way I feel as well. It takes away from the rest of me much more than I'm willing to accept, and isn't a pivotal part of my relationship with anyone but myself. I wouldn't mind building on a relationship where someone noticed and accepted it, but if people choose not to say anything, that's fine as well. I really don't want my wardrobe or my sometimes masculine-leaning, sometimes feminine-leaning gender identity to become the focal point of conversations with and about me.
It's like people who say "black" friend, or "gay" friend, or "elderly" friend. I don't want a prefix added, and prefer to be referred to as "a" friend.
Last edited by girlygirly; 07-08-2011 at 02:48 PM.
Some times I enjoy being en-femme. Sometimes I enjoy being a male slob. Sometimes I enjoy being a well groomed male. Sometimes I wouldn't mind being an Irish Setter. My wife knows of my cross-dressing. Why would I want to change the feeling of peace, relaxation and tranquility I receive being en-femme for the looks of non acceptance and repulsion I would receive from family, friends and neighbors?
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