I couldn't agree more with what Smile wrote in post 21
I couldn't agree more with what Smile wrote in post 21
I just came back from work and had time to read the responses.. I would thanks everyone for the personal input on my question.
I'm a very strong willed person I can stop anything at the drop of a hat! Well, that being said I have gave up dressing for love so many times that I lost count! Ive come to the conclusion that it's hard to stop a train! You may slow it down and even derail it! But it will come back at full steam! I really doubt that anyone can stop it and keep it stopped! Hugs!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
I did. Didn't last. The crossdressing thing eventually cought up with me, and destroyed the marriage. While it would be easy enough to find another girlfriend (I have plenty of women who would like to go out with me) I can't even consider it because I don't feel it would be fair to someone again, to let them fall in love with me, and then destroy what they thought they were getting when they found out. Sure, it's easy to say just tell them early in the dating, but I'm absolutely terrified of being outed. My entire childhood I was the outcast, alone, always being made fun of by other kids. That experience haunts me to this day, and I NEVER EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN. Even though I grew big enough to pound the living shit out of anyone who makes fun of me now, I don't want to go through the rest of my life getting arrested for getting into fights just to prove I'm not a sissy, and don't want to have to put up with getting taken advantage of if I don't. It would be a lose lose situation either way.
So alone I stay.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Actually, its not easy to say tell them early - its just the right thing to do and if you can muster the courage, you are very likely to find, as many of us here have, that there are women who are very accepting...even enthusiastic about having a cross dressing partner. Why not take the chance?Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
Barb, the question you ask really doesn't have a good, facile answer. I'm sure that if there was somebody that a person loved so much that they'd do absolutely anything for him, then anyone would be tempted to say to themselves, "Maybe it's worth the chance, and for him I will quite my dressing." On the other hand, if such a person returned that love, and loved your inner person and not just the flesh and bones, shouldn't he be willing to accept you crossdressing and all? If you are half as nice and thoughtful in person as you are in print, undoubtedly someone who would love you just the way you are is out there. Would it benefit you to give your love to a person who couldn't love all of you in return, causing you to, in effect, 'settle for less' than what you need and deserve? I don't want to spew a lot of psycho babble, but it seems to me that refraining from crossdressing for love is a denial of one's inner essence, so if you aren't able to give all of your inner essence to the significant other what does that say about the relationship, and doesn't it ask the age-old question, "Is it love or infatuation?" I dunno, and as a three times married and three times divorced person I'm not sure anything I have to say has much value anyway.
Wish you the best of luk Barbara I tried giving up dressing for love didnt work made me misserable someday we might all find accepting mates.
it is great to have both love A beautiful loving wife and the love of dressing
Barbara, any chance you can post this question to our "hey, how are my gay male crossdressers doing?" thread? This is EXACTLY what I wanted to focus on in the thread. And...I definitely have some insights to share which might be helpful. If you don't feel like posting it there, we can talk by messaging.
Some boys just can't help acting like girls...
My pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayatoronto/
Ok Maya I will post it there
How about the BEST of BOTH WORLDS? And, "LOVE your DRESSING"!?
Flip answer, I know. However, I have good reason. I waited to get married until I was in my 40's because I wasn't willing to "settle"! Then, I met someone I was certain I was in love with. Even after 3 years together! So, we married then. And, 7 years later we were divorced. Which had nothing to do with my dressing because I hadn't discovered that yet.
After we separated, I realized all the compromising I had done to stay with her. And, it still didn't work! These days, I'm unwilling to trade Sherry for a possible SO. Would I for love again? Never say never, but I'm NOT holding my breath! Sherry excepts me UNCONDITIONALLY as I am with all my faults!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
[QUOTE=BARBARA_MELENDEZ;2556501]The other day at The Home Depot I ran across a gay couple, they were doing what any couple does at the The Home Depot when they are renovating their houses. I really got lovesick and came to realize that I always been single and not getting any younger I long to experience those kind of moments that you can only have on a relationship...But I think that my chances to find a gay partner that love me the way I am are slim and let me pondering if I ever had to choose between love or dressing, what would be my choice?...would you gave up dressing for love?[/
QUOTE]
Barbara, the perfect bromance/romance very likely doesn't exist. I was married 20+ years, divorced 26+ years, I have had several relationships during the "down time" and I discovered that what I liked best was being able to follow my own star in whatever direction that took me--not that I'm a wanderer. I had enough in my work life of being told what to do, when to do, that now it is one of the things I really cherish, and that is making decisions that I alone am responsible for. When married, it can be a problem of always giving in, or never giving in, or being in the middle, however the case may be. Dressing never was part of my married life and has only been revived for a few years so it had no part in marriage failure. There were things that I did give up in order to support my wife, and in turn she gave up things to help me. But I think that resentment sets in sometimes about giving up things that are important to each of us personally and it leads to bad relationships.
I am not the happiest clam in the sand, but at my age, I can live with being alone. I have lots of interests. you are younger, and still have yearnings that need to be satisfied. There are obviously gay dressers, even here on this forum, and it certainly is a good place to try your wings. you can't be alone in your quest for a supportive, accepting partner.
As I wrote my response, I remembered seeing a movie light years ago starring Danny Kaye as Red Nichols in the film Red Nichols and his five Pennies. It was based on his real life. In the movie, he gives up music to support his family during WWII, and you can see what giving up something that means a lot does to a person. Being a musician, he was not able to bring home the bacon, so to speak . and he had a wife and children that had to mean more than his music. Naturally, it is only when he regains his music that he becomes WHOLE again, and also he is able now to support his family.
So, don't give up, Like magnets, opposites attract, so maybe you should look where you think you are least likely to have success. I've crossed my eyes for someone else, so I'll cross my fingers that you find happiness just around the corner.
Hi,
I know this is about dressing or is it , really its about being who you are . i dont see wearing of clothes has much to do about any thing . western thinking it has ,
not a few 100 years ago it did not hence our groups such as the S, C ,A world wide that im a member of both men & women dress in skirts dresse's so what the big deal. none i see. well of cause ,i dress all the time,
Iv been married to Jos for 35 out of 37 years, the reason we parted was nothing at all to do with my clothes or lack of , it was about being a woman me of cause. i was told if i had been a dresser.... in your thinking ......we no dought would still be married .
so if you dress whats the ...real .... problem the clothes do of cause express who we are to a point & no more they are just cotton . wool or synthic or what ever, its the way they are desgned the shape to fit the body, & who did most of that . you know so where did it go wrong back to western thinking over the last few years.
Now lets see this side of things ... home work time ....women years ago many did not look like our thin skinny bean pole type they were bigger stronger robust & many were heavy okay some of our women in our group are just like them.
so the men over all are bigger taller & strong heavy so they could fight & i for one would not like to be in the ring with them . no way. im 11 stone , 154 lbs & i dont even concider my self in thier leage , im an Archer in the field . yet other women we have are not unlike my self weight strength size & shape . so there you are.
Now Jos & i are just two women tho we lived to gether & are still close friends well a bit closer than that of cause. i dont have any other ... girl friends. or boy friends , & im quite happy by my self tho i have a lot of friends with in our groups & others i know ,
So could i have given up on who i am...... ummmm well ...no... because im a woman any way not a transtistoned one any way .
Its about being true to your self no matter how you see your self . or what you wear.
You know what when your weird nuts insane different you dont have to prove who you are to any one & if people cant ./ wont accept what / who we are , then tough its thier detail problem . we have a life & can be happy if / when we wont to , do those who dont accept us do they really ./ ???........
I gave up takeing thier resposibilty on , because of the way i am . so you should as well.
...noeleena...
Last edited by noeleena; 07-31-2011 at 06:22 AM.
I'm at that crossroads at that life where, despite being single, being an out & about crossdresser is who I am.
Life & work is great otherwise.
Even as a straight guy, bringing up the topic with someone intimate makes me nervous.
I have counselors ready to go. All I have to do is pick up the phone & dial. I'm afraid it may be that time for me.
Barbara, thanks for giving me a nudge on the topic.
For me, it is no question, I would choose love over dressing. I enjoy my dressing but I do not desire it nearly as much as I desire to have a partner, and for me it does not fill the need for a partner.
love for me! dressing is secondary.I wanna share my life with a caring man who will be there emotionally when I need him as well as physically.
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