Thanks for all the encouraging compliments everyone, I really appreciate it. While I realize balance is important, I still don't know how to cope with the internal dialog that reads: "I want to spend my entire life as female, because this is who I am, and what I want" vs. "This is just a fantasy world, and i must stay grounded in reality, and achieve balance in my life".
I went through this same battle about two years ago, and settled on the fact that i just crossdress for enjoyment, and that it will never spiral out of control again. But here I am, battling the same question again. I can't seem to discern the difference in my own mind.
When I think of all the things I enjoy to do, I feel I'd rather do them as a female. I'd rather spend time with my family as female, and in general spend every bit of time as female. I've been on a two month break of feminization and did i feel this way a month ago? No... Has the pink fog got me in its hooks or was it just clever denial? Possibly.. I can't tell the difference anymore. I don't hate every second of my life being male, I just feel I'd prefer it as female.
Over the 12 -15 years I've been crossdressing, my behavior would indicate that I'm a fantasy driven crossdresser. Should I just take comfort in the fact that my past behavior is completely indicative of what this cross-gender exploration really is?
I've been closeted about my CDing with the exception of my SO, but i feel to really find answers, I need good length of time to explore the other side, without any time restrictions or constraints(my own and from others)
Has anyone else gone through this same thought process, and perhaps maybe even took that leap to a full time woman? for better or for worse?
