Closeted Crossdressers Lack "GUTS" and a "SACK." Or do We?

[ReineD]

Courage....hmmm...I ask you..does it matter?...courage?...will courage make your friends accept you or your employer not demote you or worse?

Will courage stop the harsh scrutiny?
...or make you walk down the street with your head held up high, proud to be so different? Will courage stop folk from humiliating your wife...or your children?...or alienating your family?

The reality is that a price is to be paid for being who we are. The choice we make is just how high of a price will we be prepared to pay.

I'm highlighting this, not to respond to you directly Tonya, but to remind all those who champion being out and proud to visit the TS section. Many of the TSs adamantly protect their right to go stealth after they've transitioned. They're not interested in championing any cause and only wish to live their lives in peace, free of the harsh scrutiny.

It seems to come to a full circle.

This is not about courage...or guts. This is about facing the reality of who you are and making a CHOICE on how to live your life in a way that allows you a level of peace and security and also being satisfied with the price you paid...because there is a price you know.

Well said.

[Melody Moore]

Wars, disputes & arguments usually result in noone being a winner, it will always
come at a cost & it happens far too often where you end up losing everything.

[flatlander_48]

In the strictest sense, Coming Out or not is a Risk versus Reward balance. And, that balance is different for everyone. It's different because of the values we hold, what we perceive the possible rewards and what the potential consequences are. I don't believe that everyone can be judged by such a simple criteria as if you don't, you're lacking.

The truth is 1000 people = 1000 equations...

[Chickhe]

The way I see it, there should be no negative attitude about staying hidden. You have to reach a balance and protect yourself. However, I give praise to anyone who does go out in public (and you don't have to be out to do that). There is a huge personal benefit and it takes a lot of guts to do it the first time (that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't do it has no guts). I found that going out allowed me to overcome some of my personal issues, such as self acceptance, shyness and I'm more accepting of others now. I'm also more likely to stand up for someone if they are being treated poorly.

[Schatten Lupus]

It's sad how people here will turn such a small difference into a very large argument.
And no, you don't have to be out to help raise awareness of the trans community. I had one psych teacher who put in the simplest way possible that GID is not a body dysmorphic disorder, just like gays they do not choose to be living a way that causes them alot of problems, the amount of money spent on surgeries being more evidence that they are trying to be who they are on the inside, and we even watched a documentary that covered the lives and transitions of some FtM individuals at varying states of transition. Another one of my psych teachers had a guest speaker in class who is a MtF post-op transsexual. I even used gender identity variances as a topic for a speech once and I am well respected and viewed as a very credible person in my school. And even just voting for pro-GLBT candidates and writing your representatives concerning GLBT legislation is helping out.
Yes, fear holds alot of us back. And of course there is nothing wrong with that, as fear is a very basic survival instinct. But rather than talking down on such people, don't you think it would be better to offer a guiding hand into the world? Or just acknowledge the fact that not everyone wants to come out. I read a story on here once of a lawyer who nearly lost everything, and quit dressing altogether. In such situations, some people will decide that the consequences just are not worth what may only be a very small benefit to them.
But it's not just fear, it's reality. The reality is violence towards the GLBT community as a whole has been on the rise. The reality is in some states you can legally be fired and evicted just for being transgendered. The reality is that there are very many homeless, unemployed, beaten, and murdered people just because they stepped out of the closet. I can't find the site, but somewhere a site list all the discovered transgendered individuals that have been murdered during the current year. The harsh reality is, is that even if you are fortunate enough to live in a place where gender identity is a legally protected status, there are still ways around the laws, and they can't protect you from every crazy and violent person out there.
So rather than attack someone for not going out of the closet, it is best to just accept their decision, for whatever reason, to remain in the closet. This is a very terrible reason to be fighting amongst ourselves, and does nothing but barrage those who are in the closet with shameful and degrading remarks from people who are supposed to be on their side.

[cyndi2be]

I am private because I want to be - I've looked at all the reasons to come out and not to come out - I still choose to remain private. I have come out in the past (partially) - felt good - but also feels good wher I am now also.

[TxKimberly]

For the life of me, I can't understand why people are getting so very worked up and short tempered about it.
We all make choices in our lives. We weigh the Pros and the Cons, and then we decide what we are going to do.
I think it's fairly rare when an issue is black and white - either right or wrong. Usually it is more along the lines of what is right or wrong for me or for my family, and this may or may not apply to others.
Disagreeing is fine - hell it even makes things interesting, but WHY are people getting mean about it? It doesn't speak well of us if we can't disagree without getting ugly.

[Stephanie47]

I'm an in-home cross-dresser. It is my choice. I do not think there is one poster here who knows why he is a cross-dresser. I engage in cross-dressing because it brings me much needed peace and tranquility when needed. I find that when alone in my home or my secluded backyard. I do not need to be cured of cross-dressing, although life would be simpler if I weren't. Or, maybe life would be more complicated finding peace and tranquility in another manner- drugs, booze?? If I seek peace and tranquility, why in the world would I want to go out and strut my stuff in public? Why give up peace and tranquility for public dispersion and ridicule? Yes, my legal community protects the rights of a cross-dresser. Does that stop a friend or family member from avoiding you? No! Do I want to lose all my friends and family? No! Sometimes there are unintended consequences of one's actions. If you're inclined to get out there and be militant, so be it! My level of interest in cross-dressing meets my psychological needs. I haven't dressed for two months and feel fine. I haven't felt the urge to be en-femme for two months. I feel fine. I do not feel frustrated. Right now I am at peace. Do I need to put on a dress right now? No, so I won't.

[darla_g]

Anne,
truly a well thought out statement that I share with you. Well spoken, I have nothing else to say.

[ReineD]

For the life of me, I can't understand why people are getting so very worked up and short tempered about it.

It's because of the way the debate began this time. Initially it wasn't just about whether to go out or stay in. The closeted CDs were reviled and told they stay in because they are afraid, they lack guts, and they don't do anything for the community by staying in. When they protested, others came in supporting the original poster, which made it seem as if these CDs were all liars for not being willing to admit the truth.

Although one of the pro "out" members retracted some of his harsher words in another thread, he continued to hang on to his position, others continued to support him, and it just snowballed.

I personally am looking forward for the debate to come to an end, although there is no reason to close the thread from a moderation standpoint. But, I think everyone has said just about everything there is to be said.

[sometimes_miss]

ReineD said: But, I think everyone has said just about everything there is to be said

Nope, not quite yet. After reading and responding in lots of these type threads, I've come to an epiphany: I simply have a lot of other things I'd rather be doing than being a militant crossdresser. You guys want to go out in public and put up with wearing high maintainence clothes, arguments, the dangers of being branded a pervert, etc., go ahead. I'd rather take my car for a long drive up a curvy road. Or go to see live music without having to deal with social problems. When I visit my friends/relatives/coworkers, I like to enjoy their company, rather than spend all my time debating the value of crossdressing and my right to wear whatever I want. I like my life as simple as possible, and as I don't have any great desire to go out dressed as a girl, I have no reason to argue with anyone about it. You want to, then you do it. Sometimes it takes more guts to make the smart decision, rather than just go do the first thing that pops into your head. O.K.; does pissing all of you off show you that I have guts? Know what? I don't care.

[ReineD]

OK. Now the thread is closed.

SometimesMiss although I agree with many of the things you said and I do understand your need to get things off your chest just like everyone else has done here, saying that that the "ins" are making the smart decision, and the "outs" are out simply because they're impulsive will cause this discussion to flare up yet again and go down a path that I don't think is at all necessary.

Everything there is to say has been said now.