Is It OK to crave being with a man only when I'm dressed as a girl?

[Aprilrain]

I would have sooner blown my head off (almost did) than have sex with a man as a man. That is how powerful homophobia can be. Transitioning has given me the ability to accept myself and I'm not talking about hormones, I accepted my attraction to men before I started taking hormones. I said all the same things I have heard here some of which seems to be CD mantra. I'm sure these things are true for the people saying them but they were not true for me. The fact is dressed or not my sexual fantasies as far back as I can remember consisted of me be a woman with a man (or girl with a boy when I was younger) I kinda wish I would have let my self be "gay" because now hormones have rendered me useless so while sex is fun for sure it is orgasm-less.

OH and Misty is not a CD we're not sure what she is yet : P love ya girl!

[seanmuscle]

I would have sooner blown my head off (almost did) than have sex with a man as a man. That is how powerful homophobia can be. Transitioning has given me the ability to accept myself and I'm not talking about hormones, I accepted my attraction to men before I started taking hormones. I said all the same things I have heard here some of which seems to be CD mantra. I'm sure these things are true for the people saying them but they were not true for me. The fact is dressed or not my sexual fantasies as far back as I can remember consisted of me be a woman with a man (or girl with a boy when I was younger) I kinda wish I would have let my self be "gay" because now hormones have rendered me useless so while sex is fun for sure it is orgasm-less.

OH and Misty is not a CD we're not sure what she is yet : P love ya girl!

exactly. Couldnt have said it better baby

[ReineD]

exactly. Couldnt have said it better baby

You can take one person's position and believe her. This is rational.

What is irrational is to take one person's position and apply it to everyone else, in just about every thread on this board that you can. I don't know if you're capable of understand this or not. It doesn't appear so. But, there is always hope. :p

[StarrOfDelite]

To amplify on the "My two cents for what it's worth" which I posted earlier in this thread, (and 2 cents might be more than what it's worth!): When I first became intrigued by transsexuals, I was curious if I was just a Gay man trying to hide my homosexuality behind a skirt and high heels. I've never been one to hang back from doing things, so over the years I dated transvestite/transsexuals as a man, I tried man with man sex, I tried transsexual on transsexual sex, I tried myself as the male with a transssexual, and all the while I still tried to enjoy sex with gender girls. Maybe it was the people that I chose for the experiment, who knows, but I definitely found that I enjoyed being the femme bottom with guys more than being the male top or versatile with another CD/TV, more than being a gay male versatile/bottom with other gay men, and more than being either a masculine man or a sissy sub with gender girls. It didn't have anything to do with guilt, shame or homophobia. This is what feels right to me. In my case at least, I think this is 'hard-wired' in my brain, and doesn't have much to do with society or self-revulsion. The only thing that society did is keep me from the search for self-realization for 40+ years. Once I got started, the result was inevitable. One thing I'm fairly sure of is that I am not a Gay Man trying to hide my homsexual tendencies by pretending I am a woman. I am something in-between the male and female sexes, and, good/bad/indifferent I have my own life issues to address.

So, getting back to the thread question, Is It Okay to Crave Being With a Man Only When I'm Dressed as a Girl, I think that if your nature inclines you that way it is Okay as Hell!

[seanmuscle]

To amplify on the "My two cents for what it's worth" which I posted earlier in this thread, (and 2 cents might be more than what it's worth!): When I first became intrigued by transsexuals, I was curious if I was just a Gay man trying to hide my homosexuality behind a skirt and high heels. I've never been one to hang back from doing things, so over the years I dated transvestite/transsexuals as a man, I tried man with man sex, I tried transsexual on transsexual sex, I tried myself as the male with a transssexual, and all the while I still tried to enjoy sex with gender girls. Maybe it was the people that I chose for the experiment, who knows, but I definitely found that I enjoyed being the femme bottom with guys more than being the male top or versatile with another CD/TV, more than being a gay male versatile/bottom with other gay men, and more than being either a masculine man or a sissy sub with gender girls. It didn't have anything to do with guilt, shame or homophobia. This is what feels right to me. In my case at least, I think this is 'hard-wired' in my brain, and doesn't have much to do with society or self-revulsion. The only thing that society did is keep me from the search for self-realization for 40+ years. Once I got started, the result was inevitable. One thing I'm fairly sure of is that I am not a Gay Man trying to hide my homsexual tendencies by pretending I am a woman. I am something in-between the male and female sexes, and, good/bad/indifferent I have my own life issues to address.

So, getting back to the thread question, Is It Okay to Crave Being With a Man Only When I'm Dressed as a Girl, I think that if your nature inclines you that way it is Okay as Hell!

Very inspiring story. Be proud of who you are. Do not let other CDs and gg put you down for liking men and how its just a fantasy.

[ReineD]

Very inspiring story. Be proud of who you are. Do not let other CDs and gg put you down for liking men and how its just a fantasy.

Sorry Sean, but you got it wrong again. CDs don't put down other CDs for liking men. CDs who don't like men resent being told that they do like men. Can you see the difference, even just a little bit? :p

Since I'm the only GG who has posted in this thread I take it you mean me, and I also support the CDs who like men if this is their sexual preference. But, I do see the big picture too and I become impatient with anyone who comes in here insisting on painting everyone with a broad brush, like you do.

[StarrOfDelite]

Sorry Sean, but you got it wrong again. CDs don't put down other CDs for liking men. CDs who don't like men resent being told that they do like men. Can you see the difference, even just a little bit? :p

Since I'm the only GG who has posted in this thread I take it you mean me, and I also support the CDs who like men if this is their sexual preference. But, I do see the big picture too and I become impatient with anyone who comes in here insisting on painting everyone with a broad brush, like you do.

Reine: I have never felt that I was disparaged by anyone on the forum, whether CD or GG, regarding sexual orientation. Sean seems to have drawn the wrong conclusion from my last post. I was merely trying to encourage Lisa to explore her motivations, take the time to get knowledge and experience, and use those resources to draw her own conclusions about who she is and where she is going. The advice of well-meaning people can be useful, but whether any bit of wisdom is applicable to a specific individual is something that can only be tested in the crucible of said individual's life.

[ReineD]

Sean seems to have drawn the wrong conclusion from my last post.

I know, Starr. I've never seen anyone put down for their sexual orientation here either, by other CDs or GGs.

[DonniDarkness]

I just don't believe this voodoo about wigs and makeup changing somebody's sexual orientation.

This idea that you're only attracted to men while dressed is fallacious. You are attracted to men all of the time, but you just don't feel sexy unless you're dressed.

A straight guy would not be attracted to men no matter what he was wearing, or what you were wearing for that matter. Hetero men like women by definition. You are gay my dear and it's only a matter of time before you admit it to yourself.

Badtranny you're my favorite person of the day. Just sayin.

-Donni-

[Badtranny]

Awww thank you Donni baby, but you really shouldn't encourage me. ;-)

[Tina P Hose]

Men as men, repluse me sexually. Gurls,(Men), turn me on so much. The thought of a hairy guy makes me sick. But IF I had the chance or situation,(if you will), I may condider the situation sexually. IF he treated me as a gurl/girl, I may do it or may not. YES, I would love to have sex with another CD. But this sight is not about sex, so never mind.

[AmandaM]

I've done a lot of thinking on the subject. I am attracted to women while in drab, and mostly attracted to women while in drag. I do have occassional fantasies about being with men while dressed. But only two things happen, I'm either on my knees, or having intercourse. At no time do I ever think about kissing men. Or caressing their bodies. It just doesn't do anything for me. I've even seen gay porn, and it did nothing for me. The porn that does interest me is lesbian, sissy with woman, or "once in awhile" a sissy with a man who usually has a female partner there too, a threesome. If the porn is a man and woman, I'm jealous of her not him. Somehow, my desires are always woman centered. I'm with her, or I am her. What does this say? I'm certainly not gay, I'm probably not bi. Somehow, inside me, there is a female sexual identity as well as a male sexual identity. I think with CDer's, the female comes out sexually at times. To me, it's clear that this definition is the "best fit" for crossdressers. I think you're only bi if you like men while in man mode too. If you can't cross that boundary, I don't think you can call yourself bi even if you commit a generic bi act with a man while dressed.

[Badtranny]

I don't think you can call yourself bi even if you commit a generic bi act with a man while dressed.

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

It's really quite simple. Straight men don't enjoy giving head to men. Hell, most straight guys won't even take one from another man. I realize that sexuality is complicated and there is a lot of space between straight and gay but if sexual acts with men don't make you gay, they at least make you a little bit bent wouldn't you say?

[AmandaM]

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

It's really quite simple. Straight men don't enjoy giving head to men. Hell, most straight guys won't even take one from another man. I realize that sexuality is complicated and there is a lot of space between straight and gay but if sexual acts with men don't make you gay, they at least make you a little bit bent wouldn't you say?

Bisexual means you are attracted to men. Masculine, hairy, rough, tough, angular facial structure, blah, blah. I just don't feel it. I don't understand how people can be attracted to that. But! I am, sometimes, attracted to "being a female having sex". So, I don't think you can define that the same way as bisexual. If you can make the case, I'm listening.

[Badtranny]

If you can make the case, I'm listening.

omfg I think I love you! ...but not in a gay way ;-)

Let's put it like this, I love meeting new guys and I'm not scared of a one night stand either. The men I am attracted to are exactly what you would describe as icky. I love big, strong, masculine guys with bad attitudes. So in that way, you and I are completely different. However, you have a lot more in common with my boyfriends, because they are only attracted to girls like me. Not hairy, Not masculine, Not big, etc.

Using your logic, than my guys are straight. Using my logic, they may identify as straight, but they ain't really straight honey. I may be adorable, (ahem) but I still have a penis and there is still only one way to "take" me. I can't imagine my men with an actual man, but physiologically, we are definitely having gay sex. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful and I love it waaaaaaaaay more than sex with a woman but I'm not nearly delusional enough to believe that the way I feel in my heart has anything to do with the attraction that some men have to feminine men.

You and my BF can have beers and talk about the latest tranny that you bagged and you can convince yourselves that you're straight, but you will never convince me because I know I don't have a Va JJ and I know that you know it too.

[Aprilrain]

omfg I think I love you! ...but not in a gay way ;-)

Let's put it like this, I love meeting new guys and I'm not scared of a one night stand either. The men I am attracted to are exactly what you would describe as icky. I love big, strong, masculine guys with bad attitudes. So in that way, you and I are completely different. However, you have a lot more in common with my boyfriends, because they are only attracted to girls like me. Not hairy, Not masculine, Not big, etc.

Using your logic, than my guys are straight. Using my logic, they may identify as straight, but they ain't really straight honey. I may be adorable, (ahem) but I still have a penis and there is still only one way to "take" me. I can't imagine my men with an actual man, but physiologically, we are definitely having gay sex. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful and I love it waaaaaaaaay more than sex with a woman but I'm not nearly delusional enough to believe that the way I feel in my heart has anything to do with the attraction that some men have to feminine men.

You and my BF can have beers and talk about the latest tranny that you bagged and you can convince yourselves that you're straight, but you will never convince me because I know I don't have a Va JJ and I know that you know it too.

OMFG i think i love you more than you love AmandaM! The only thing I will add is that Badtranny speaks from experience where as many here are speaking from theory or simply trying to explain the thoughts in their head. Go out and give it a whirl and wether you like it or not you will then know for sure. to bring it back to the OP the point is why have shame about what you like sexually or even think you might like sexually? I don't think we were designed to hate our selves though external influences can certainly lead us there.

[ReineD]

Well, Badtranny (Melissa) & AmandaM I've got to say that I love you both for speaking about this so honestly. Missy, you're telling it like it is physiologically, and Amanda you're relating more to your mind's perceptions.

Amanda, I'd like to make a suggestion for you to either consider, or throw away. It's just a question, really. Based on the idea that you've figuratively split up your personas between male and female modes, is there a possibility you've done the same to the men you might be possibly attracted to while dressed? You've created a division in your mind between the macho men, and the more feminine (dressed) men to the point where you do see them as two different genders, and this is why being attracted to a CD (if you or others like you ever feel an attraction to CDs) doesn't feel the same as being attracted to a macho guy?

Back to the macho guys, I also do see a big difference between, as you say, wanting to "be a female having sex" and actually being attracted to a guy in the same way you would be attracted to a woman. A macho male's masculinity would put your own femininity while dressed in much greater contrast than would a genetic female. You do want to feel as feminine as you can when you are dressed, so what better way than to fantasize being with macho men, but since you're not attracted to them, you can only fantasize the actual sex act? In other words, the fantasy is all about you and not at all about them or any attraction to them.

I don't know if the term "autogynephilia" rankles you or not. Certainly the way that Blanchard uses it doesn't fit here, but if you take it as purely the love of oneself as a woman, does it makes sense that a straight autogynephilic would be willing to allow fantasies about men only for the purpose of enhancing her own feelings of being a woman? Just a thought.

[AmandaM]

I think it's possible that my motivation is validation as a female. For the record, I tried gay sex once at 21, didn't do much for me. Haven't done it since. I don't really think about it or desire it. I don't check out men and I am not attracted to them in general. But thinking about sex as a woman, yes, I think about that. Not with any specific male, more of a general thought. If I see a man and woman making love, I do want to be her, to experience what she is experiencing, but who she is with doesn't really enter my thought process. It's almost like the man doesn't matter, only she matters. I don't know why I feel that way. Sometimes I think it's strange.

[onceinawhile]

A very interesting forum, and thank you ReineD for your insight. I like a man complimenting and flirting with me when dressed.
I too am a lifetime homophobe, and am repulsed by men on men sex. I also am a lifetime crossdresser who used to dress as a teen when my mother was out. I do a lot of computer enhanced photos (It's me, but I wish I could look this good) It has not been easy repressing my desire, and has caused much havoc in my life. If I were to go out dressed, and a man would come on to me, I would probably melt. This has never happened, but after the agony of my failed marriage, I can't say it never will. It is good that we search for answers, and try and understand ourselves in what is a perilous journey for many.

[danielletorresani]

When I'm dressed up, I definitely fantasize about being used as a sex object by a man, but for me I'd want it to be another crossdressing man. Preferably a passable one.

[SabrinaEmily]

Sheesh. So you fantasize about giving a blowjob, that does not make you bi. If you actually do it, and you actually like it, then all of the philosohical contortions you can muster won't change the fact that you are indeed bisexual.

There's a difference between a fantasy and the desire to act on it, though. But if you're a man who is sexually attracted to and does, or would want to do, sexual things with another man, as well as being sexually attracted to women, then sure, you're some degree of bisexual.

I'm not attracted to men, though I am attracted to some people outside the binary who would identify as transmasculine, and I also don't get feeling like a completely different person because of the clothes one puts on, so this isn't really my thread. Bye!

[Nancy (PA)]

I'll wear my shortest skirt, a thong, and the highest heels that I have if I could go out on a date with a man who knew what the circumstances were, and wanted to "take me" like I've never been taken before.

[MsJanessa]

yes darling, its ok for you to crave being with a guy while dressed--you have My permission

[CaitlynRenee]

It's okay as long as you don't pick up the soap if you drop it! LMAO!!!!

Chuckle.......

Old Navy buddy of mine said he NEVER took a shower with a box of Tide. If he dropped his soap, it took him way too long bent over trying to pick it up............

[susmitha]

Perfectly ok. Being able to make a man feel for you and "fall" for you is great. it shows your success as a female.