Cindy
You are making the mistake of confusing gender and sexual orientation. These are two separate drives which are often linked culturally but individually there is no link. This is just the same as a women who can be a tomboy but that does not mean she is lesbian. Most women have the same reaction as you, believing that this has to do with sexual orientation but usually it is not.
Additionally many crossdressers do not dress for gender reasons - ie there is no female spirit living inside them. Many dress solely for pleasure or relaxation combining elements of role-playing, fantasy and escapism as well as a physical delight in the clothes themselves.
You should listen to what your husband tells you rather than seek answers from the experiences of others. Everyone is different and unique so only his answers are important.
