Need Clarification

[Inna]

[SIZE="3"]I will tell you a story:[/SIZE]

As many of you know I am a transsexual but for the longest I was just a CDer doing regular, Fabulous stuff CDers do. I was and am into woman like no tomorrow, and now openly discuss this stuff with my female friends (somehow now being open about my TS puts me into a trust circle of anything goes).

On day I was supremely down, depressed and on my knees and talking to my sis who repeatedly tried to get me out of the predicament but failed miserably. Then few minutes after she hangup, another phone call, I look at the dial and it is her number ringing back!
"Hello" I answered, to my surprise her lovely husband is now on the other end. First I was surprised and slowly as conversation unfolded I begun to be swept into the realm of warmth and serenity I have never felt before in my entire life. He addressed me as the girl I was struggling to be but loosing my grip on reality. His strong yet caressing poise made me feel sheltered and held in his arms embrace, I could finally let go, and melt within cuddly feeling of being loved. Non of this was sexual, quite contrary, but wasn't it???????
I felt how woman feels love and perhaps sexuality as well, I was within this moment, entirely, woman being held by mans love, embraced and caressed, it felt mine, and for the first time in my life I understood that this feeling, this love, I had spent my entire life looking for but unable to find because of whom I pretended I was.......A guy!!!!

I had an experience as well of getting kissed by a stranger at the club, a man, and however it felt foreign and spontaneous it didn't feel right because there was no feeling involved, I truly believe that for women, such feeling is a necessary ingredient of stepping into a sexual realm and without it sex becomes meaningless and not pretty.

On the other hand my admiration of woman's body and every curvature turns my senses into desire, but discussing this subject with other GGs, they them selves do acknowledge the beauty of female form. Nearly all of them could not fancy being in a sexual context with another woman yet their appreciation of female beauty is apparent. I think that my love of female body lies in-between such admiration and sexual tendencies. And when I think of what might be, should I find the GUY person who fulfills my sensual desires then it is almost inevitable that I would fall for him in the sexual realm wanting not only his soul and heart but also his strong body against, soft skin and now curvacious landscape of whom I have become.