First time out -- I did it but need some comfort...

[Maiko Newhalf]

Thank all you girls. I feel much better both physically and emotionally after a night of sleep.

I know there'll be a second time. And hopefully it will get eaiser -- I have to get out.

[jillleanne]

Good for you Rose!!!!! You did it girl, you crossed that line that was choking you and now the noose has been removed for good. I'm sure you are already practicing in your mind, your next trip out. You did great on your first outing and should be proud of yourself. It just gets easier from here on in. Go shopping girl!!! Hugs, Jill

[linda allen]

That's great Rose, you've got to go back and do it again. I've been out just two or three times, walking around in the park in the city and in an outdoor mall. I've been wearing sunglasses and no eye makeup. The first time, I got out and started walking down the sidewalk and it wasn't a minute before a lady said "good morning" to me. Scared the heck out of me. The best I could do was smile, nod my head, and mumble. I wasn't ready to speak. I'm still not.

[junetv]

Thank you for sharing Rose.

You remind me of some of my first times going out while at a hotel. The key thing happened to me too. I had to go the front desk to get it reprogrammed.

Here's a hint when going out: smile or smile on the inside (try smiling without opening your mouth - but with your eyes). You will look prettier and happy. As far as your walk, one of the things I notice about a female walk vs a male walk is the arm position. Men tend to walk a little gorilla arm-like, whereas women walk with their elbows closer to their torso. Carrying something in your hand helps to disguise your hands. Keep your back straight. From what I can see in your picture, you look very pretty and should have no problem going out.

~June

[Debra Russell]

Good for you Rose! Now it will be easier - we all have fears and doubts and I have recently expierenced my own and have never really had any earthshaking incidendes, a few looks and one a very out loud "sir, your change" at a drive through coffee stand but as a whole it's been a great femm time when presenting as femm. Now collect your self confidence - head up - and continue on, and post some pics................................huggs ..Debra

[Chickhe]

Now you know... your heart works, you can deal with almost anything now, the people who saw you didn't see a guy in a dress they saw a very nervous woman...also you learned that cel phone mess up pass keys, at Arby's they treat all customers the same and you survived! Ready for next time!

[kimdl93]

Rose, its ok....nerves are part of being human and self aware. In fact, my guess is that your nerves were more obvious than your gender was to those around you. Its that old "fight-flight" response that heightens your nerves, and in the event of a real threat , thats a good thing. Your out for the first time, self conscious and expecting reactions...so those survival instincts can take control. The college guys probably didn't give you a second thought...they were just being college kids. As for the family, don't most people stop talking when they see someone hurrying and in apparent distress. Its a natural response and probably didn't mean you were read.

In some ways, the key malfunction was icing on the cake. Talk about having to confront your fears, huh? And you prevailed. So, Congratulations!

BTW, being read isn't all that bad, nor the end of the world. I certainly am read most of the time by most people. But I never went out with illusions about passing. My hope is to blend in as best I can and enjoy the experience of interacting with people. The first time, I was nervous too, and I still get a touch of stage fright before I step out of my car, but not nearly enough to stop me.

[Maiko Newhalf]

Wow. It has been a long and hectic day at the conference. The talks are interesting -- it's nice to be able to attend a research type conference once a year. It gives me some new ideas/knowledge that not so confined to my everyday job. It's expensive though.

Anyways I almost forgot the bad things happened yesterday and the only thing I remembered is that I went out! I made it -- another baby step as Rose!

My travel plan changed so I have to get back home earlier -- my wife and kid miss me. So there's less time for Rose at least for now. I did book Phoebe's make-over/bed and breastfast service here in Atlanta though. I had to spend a whole day traveling back (7 hours flight, OMG) so I need to find a place to stay after the conference. She seems to be really nice and knowledgable when I talked to her over the phone. I hope I could learn something about how to present the feminine me so that next time outting could become easier.

[Stephanie47]

Congratulations. The only time I interacted with people while en femme was a Halloween. Once I went into a grocery store. Another time into a doughnut shop. And, that's when I was more attractive (or handsome) than thirty years later. The best I can muster now is an evening stroll when darkness is approaching. Starting next week my wife is going to be out of town seven nights and I plan to go out for strolls each night. Some of you girl cautioned me last time to avoid places where my safety would be in peril. I am hoping for rain all of those seven nights so I can conceal my facial features behind an umbrella. For now I am content to just stroll. I've had many years of practice walking in heels, so that is not the problem. The problems is I just don't have the balls- er, those I have!

PS: Just as I'm banging away on the keyboard it has started to pour- save some drops for next week!

[Lori B]

you go girl! we are all so proud!

["Mary"]

Congrats on your first outing Rose. Lots of lessons learned, eh? Good for you -with no regrets. It will be more fun and go much better next time. Thanks so much for sharing.

[Josephine]

Now you know... your heart works, you can deal with almost anything now, the people who saw you didn't see a guy in a dress they saw a very nervous woman...also you learned that cel phone mess up pass keys, at Arby's they treat all customers the same and you survived! Ready for next time!

I think Chickie said it perfectly. I don't think anyone "read" you at all. I think that your own fear got the worst of you. With the picture of your avatar, I think these people were probably just wondering why you were so nervous. Congrats on going out, and be confident, as confidence is very important. Remember, you look like a girl, and will be treated like one, IE, sexual innuendos, like the one the bum gave you, etc. All the best hon, onward and upward!

[JenniferLynn0370]

Congratulations Rose; that's fantastic!!! Focus on the positive aspects of your outing and keep on going!

Hugs,
Jen

[Badtranny]

You know, the more I think about it the more I realized that the not passing should be a given. Only the extremely luck trans girls pass in the beginning I guess. Self-acceptance and positive altitude would certainly help. If I smiled at that guy, he might not be reading or teasing me like that anymore.

100% not passing is somewhat dissapointing though. LOL.

NOBODY passes the first time hon, and I'm over a year into my transition and I STILL don't pass 100%!

It's a long strange trip so if this is indeed your calling get ready. ;-)

I can promise you that it does get easier though. Not only do you get more relaxed and competent, but you begin to care much less about the negative people. They're just speed bumps, roll over them slowly so they can see you smiling.

[PretzelGirl]

Very nice Rose! You really showed some desire when you kept driving on. Now it is just about repetition and being relaxed in the fact that you are beautiful and you can go out and have fun and no one will care. This isn't easy. But you did it and facing some adversity the first time really showed how much you wanted it. Woo-hoo!

[Noemi]

Honey Bunny,

You express your self so clearly, and are so honest. Your post sure helped me. I have never been out either and am leaning toward the TG side as well. Your truth is very powerful and you seem the type to learn and get the details correct. The next time will be better, and better.....

I am at a point in my life where my usual rational of it is folly to pretend to be a woman when I am a man, no longer holds up. I know as much as any one can that I am Trans, the feminine feeling is on me all day now.
I have been depressed about my gender issues for my entire life and need to remedy this. So becoming better at dressing(being yourself) is really an important thing. You avatar is pretty, you are going to do great.

Thanks Again.

[Maiko Newhalf]

FILOMENA, I never thought that my first outting experience would be helpful to anyone. I'm glad that you found it so. Thank you sweetheart.

[MargaretJ]

Well done Rose. That's the first one out of the way, and I hope you will get out again soon. I still get a bit nervous when I go out, but the main thing I find is that most people aren't actually paying much attention to anyone else as they go about their lives.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Maiko,

Remember, dear, that guys look at women. All the time. Everywhere. There is no changing this fact. So just because a guy or guys are looking at you does NOT mean that they are "CLOCKING" you.

And guys are gonna catcall you also. All the time. Everywhere. And they are gonna pinch you and feel you and grab you and propose dirty stuff to you. This stuff comes with the territory. Better get used to it. It ain't gonna stop.

Your avatar looks great. Keep up the good work.

S

[Jannette H]

Maiko,
The more you go out the easier it gets. I remember my first time and how nervous and shaky I was but it got easier. It's a lot of fun isn't it. Be careful and enjoy the moment.

[Carmen]

Maiko I'm sooooo happy for you! Yes your first time out had it's little complications, and you handled everything like any girl would have.
Just be the woman that you are, enjoy yourself, look people in the eyes, smile and be pretty!
My little bits of advice to you...when en femme, always use your femme voice. When you walk keep your lower back curved in and your butt out, ,stand tall, keep your chest out, shoulders back, lock your entire body mind and soul into that girly poise and your walk will naturally become very femme.

Hugs,
Linsey

[Rachel Morley]

Oh WOW Rose, that sure was a "baptism of fire" .. for sure. But you know what? .. you survived it and now you will be stronger because of it. The fact is that going out in the mainstream public is somewhat risky for all of us, and you, girlfriend, just happened to have gotten a less than perfect experience on your first outing. To go to Arby's on your first trip outside is awesome! .. way more courageous than anything I could ever do. I think that your upcoming times en femme in the mainstream are going to be so wonderful as you have already experienced the tough ones. Thanks for sharing! You rock!

Hugs
Rachel

[Emme]

The first time I went out a Emme, was at night. I was staying on my boat. I wanted to walk down the waterfront in my new dress and wool coat. I went out side and saw a truck load of teen boys hanging out in the parking lot across the street. Suddenly the fear hit me. Instantly I knew how a GG must feel, all alone on a street or in a parking lot. Not only was I a woman, but I was a "man woman"....wow what could have gone down. I did not go out untill the parking lot was clear of people. Only then, did I venture out in the clear, crisp, cold air, and feel the breeze up my skirt. I was hooked!

That was ten years ago. Now I go out in the daytime. I talk and act like ME. I know they know, and I have had no bad experience. Most people are only interested in what "they are doing". I have checked in to a campground as Emme and then they knew I was there. The women at the front desk were kind. told me I looked good...liars....and we had fun. When it was time to go to my support group meeting I went down for them to check my makeup. The women were gone and the only one in the front office was a man. I asked a customer in the store how my makeup looked. She was kind. We walked back to our campsites and had a nice chat about our lifestyle. I hope I made a positive impact.
I have found going out in femme takes practice. It iis fun, and tiring at the same time.
Congratulations on taking that first step.

[sanderlay]

Maiko... Rose...

Congratulations... you did it! You're ahead of the curve. Many people never go out their door and let fear win. Even with some shaky moments you learned some valuable lessons by your experience and had a good time. I'm very proud of you. I promise it will get easier in time. Some day you will look back on this event and smile having demolished all your fear of being yourself and letting the world see your beauty.

[Maiko Newhalf]

Dear sisters, I posted my experience at a professional make-over artist place a few days later here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...nta&highlight= . It was wonderful and helped me rebuild much of my shattered confidence.

Emme. I KNOW what you mean about teen boys. Gosh, I never thought that I could feel young men to be that aggressive...