Hi folks, thanks for the responses (I got some in private as well as on the thread). Things are better. The next day my wife went with me to my ongoing personal "what's this CD stuff really about" therapy session (different therapist) and everything got worked out, for now. Communication is the key, and even more important, at least in the short term, is having a therapist who is supportive rather than negative, and who is trying to help the relationship rather than dissect it. We have agreed that we don't know everything yet, but that we have been together forever and we can be together right now, and enjoy it, while the learning process continues. Ever since I started this new compulsion of dressing, the ups are really high and the downs are really low. On to the holidays!