Originally Posted by
Leslie Langford
That's a loaded question, and not one prone to an easy black-or-white answer.
I guess my knee-jerk response would be to answer with a rhetorical question of my own: Who has the right - SO's included - to force anyone to make such a "Sophie's Choice" type of a decision between the two, when surely some other type of compromise could conceivably be negotiated. For those of us whose transgenderism is so intricately tied to their sense of self and who they fundamentally are, deep down inside - who has the right to force us into a position where our very mental health is at stake, and where we risk slipping into a depression if we are forced to suppress such an integral art of ourselves - just because the other party doesn't "like" it? It would not be a huge stretch to equate those types of demands to outright bullying on the part of those making them of us.
And before all the GG's here come after me brandishing pitchforks and torches, the operative word here is "compromise". Yes, I get it. Many of us did not reveal this side of ourselves to you before we were well into the relationship or were married because we were working on the assumption that this was just a passing phase (NOT!). And yes, we recognize that this is something that you didn't sign up for originally. But then again, we were embarking on a journey of self-discovery at the time - much the same as the journey that you are on now tying to make sense of all this and wondering how to move forward knowing what you now know.
But putting a gun to our heads and forcing us to make such a "lose-lose" choice is unfair when other, more middle-of-the road solutions can work instead, and where each party's dignity and sense of self-worth is not sacrificed in the process. In my own situation, I'm prepared to accept certain boundaries within the DADT framework of our marriage. Trouble is, my wife tends to move the goalposts from time to time depending on her disposition on any given day. From some of the other posts that I've seen on these forums, I'm sure that many of the other ladies here can relate.
But the bottom line is that we didn't choose transgenderism; transgenderism chose us, and all we are trying to do is live as "normal" a life as we can under the circumstances while continuously carrying this monkey on our backs. So cut us some slack, already, and enough of the "my way or the highway; choose me and the family or your crossdressing" type of bullying. As the ancient Chinese curse puts it: "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it..."
The key word is "compromise". It's the foundation solid relationships are built on.
