The best of both worlds?

[Wonderwho]

Today was the 3rd meeting with a theripist, it is also the last meeting.
I am angry and writing in my truck on a small laptop so forgive the grammer and spelling.
I was told by this theripist that my CDing was a way for me to get the best of both worlds. He feels that by CD ing I am avoiding the responsibilites of being a man and enjoying the soft feel of womens clothes to to escape the stress of the male defined world. By only being a closet CDer I am still able to enjoy the good parts of the male world and am skirting the inherent problems with womanhood.
At this point i carefully explained that the woman inside me that I was hiding was the onl;y thing keeping me from smacking him.
I have the greatest respect for all of you who have taken the long and sometimes painfull road to to cross the "pink" line. For those of us that straddle the line and cannot or will not cross over for whatever reason I do not feel that we are looking for the best of both worlds, we only a small piece of the worlds we have chosen.
I for one will accept and enjoy this part of my life and embrace any and all who wish to reside here.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Wonderwho

[kimdl93]

Mmmmm, what do you think his point was in making that statement? I suppose its fair to say that some CDs retreat momentarily from the real world to occupy a kind of fantasy femininity...away from the responsibilities and difficulties of daily life. But, its a bit insulting to suggest that one is seeking to avoid responsibilities.

It may be a good idea to consider going to a female therapist - particularly one with some experience working with gender id issues. Seems like this guy was applying a common stereotype to your situation...and rather hastily, I might add.

[Tracy]

Responsibilities of being a man?!?! WTF does that mean? I can not think of any responsibilities that gender matters at all. Sounds like you need a new therapist.

[Foxglove]

Vent away, Wonderwho! No reason why you shouldn't. I can understand your anger. This therapist strikes me as extremely patronizing. I think he's basically accusing you of being dishonest: you're simultaneously trying to weasel out of one set of responsibilities and avoid another set of problems. Doesn't sound like he has a very high opinion of you. Maybe that's not what he was saying, but that's the way it comes across. At any rate, that's not why I CD, and I don't know that anybody else does it for those reasons.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Nikki A.]

I think you need a new therapist also. Too bad there probably isn't much choice up by where you live.

[suzy1]

I have made my feeling known about therapists on this forum already so I will hold back from saying what I think of this one.

SUZY

[Bootsiegalore]

At this point i carefully explained that the woman inside me that I was hiding was the only thing keeping me from smacking him.

I feel this way lots of times! But really, sometimes a good smacking is necessary!

I agree with the others.... Seek a new therapist.

[Wonderwho]

Sorry if I got a little long winded. In the world that I have found in the people of this site, I have recieved more therpy than any paid hack could ever give me. In the overall of life my little problem with the confusion of Crossdressing is nothing. When I think of the of the struggles that many of you have faced and those who will follow, there is nothing in my life that sitting down with my accepting ( a shot at another post) wife, a few cold beers on the back deck will not cure. Now if she will let me wear the new swimsuit I got life would really be great.
Thank all of you, you are wonderfull and I am so glad I found you. Wonderwho

[STACY B]

HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA Im still laughing ,,,, Get out alrite ,, Get out of those man clothes !!! This stuff dont have anything to do with getting out of anything . Just becuz you dress in different clothes dont meen ya cant be the same person ,, Ya changed your clothes not your brain ,, Those friggen guys ill tell ya what ,, How about a refund !!!

[Karren H]

Getting a new one as suggested is an option but I've always felt that paying someone to tell me what I want to hear wasn't worth the time... We do that at work with consultants... He may have a valid point if your letting crossdressing rule your life and getting in the way of what you need to do... Not a man's responsibility but your responsibility..... Only you can determine that... Just saying....

[susan54]

I have never felt the need for a therapist, but I have a friend who trained as one. She said you NEVER give advice - you explore someone's feelings and help them make their own decisions. It sounds like he was inflicting his opinions on you instead of exploring yours. At the risk of appearing to give advice ... find a real therapist.

[Janelle_C]

I'm sorry for what your therapist said to you. I've had four sessions and my therapist is helping me to find out waht my needs and whats are. Your ex therapist does not know what he is talking about my life would be a lot easyer if I didn't have such a strong fem side. The only reasion I'm still in the closet is becouse of people like him! I've learnded that I'm not a freak and to love my self. Cding makes me feel like me. I hope you can find a therapist that will help you sort out your feeling.
Janelle

[BRANDYJ]

For me, I do enjoy the best of both worlds. I enjoy both sides of my gender expressions. I don't think I'd be happy any other way. Not for the same reasons this guy gave you, but simply to express myself the way I feel when I want to feel other then my birth gender.
I don't know how well you know him. I don't know how well he is schooled in gender issues. And I don't know what you might have said to him to have him suggest what he felt your issues are. It might even be true for all we know. What I do know is that you don't like or trust him. I also know that a therapist can't help anyone if they only tell you what you want to hear. So this does sound like a case of you not wanting to hear what someone else thinks about your situation. Especially in three short sessions.
As already suggested, I would seek help from someone qualified to council regarding gender issues.

[reb.femme]

I have to confess my ignorance of therapists, must be my British stiff upper lip if such a thing exists, so I'm at a loss as to why you would need one. I have my own independent thought and I sure as hell would not pay for some alleged professional to offer his/hers. I know it's good to discuss with an outsider, if I can call it that, but it sounds like he read you the riot act, disguised as advice! Again, I can only concur with previous posts, if you must see a therapist, make a change from the current one. He sounds more set than a day old lump of concrete.

[Kathi Lake]

He could have been perfectly spot-on. That's the beauty of therapy. It is up to you to figure out how it all applies to you. I think he made some valid points, but only you can tell if that is true. If you're getting angry, that may be a sign that something hit close to home. If it was totally off-base, you could have simply looked at them without emotion and said, "ummmmm, nope."

As for "therapy" from members here, use caution, as sometimes all you get is the simple, "You go, girl!" variety. It takes someone truly invested in your mental health and happiness to challenge you and tell you what you may not want to hear.

Kathi

[suzy1]

I have to confess my ignorance of therapists, must be my British stiff upper lip if such a thing exists, so I'm at a loss as to why you would need one. I have my own independent thought and I sure as hell would not pay for some alleged professional to offer his/hers. I know it's good to discuss with an outsider, if I can call it that, but it sounds like he read you the riot act, disguised as advice! Again, I can only concur with previous posts, if you must see a therapist, make a change from the current one. He sounds more set than a day old lump of concrete.

Join the club. As a stiff upper lip Britain myself I also have a problem with therapists.
But some people seem to need them?

[Joanne f]

English here so i must admit that i do not understand the need for a therapist but if half of the process of making you feel better is going to one then i guess it helps for some .
As far as wanting the best of both worlds is concerned i look at it another way , being TG makes you as good as ether of the other worlds because you are both so that should make you feel a bit special.

( Had to be real careful how i worded that )

[carhill2mn]

It is too bad that you came away from your therapy session feeling so unhappy. If I may be so bold, may I suggest that the statement made by your therapist is quite accurate for many CDs. I suspect from your reaction to his statement and what you have stated about the "woman hiding inside you", that instead of you being a MTF CD that you are more likely transgendered. I suspect that just the wearing of women's clothes does not give you what you are wanting or needing. Typically, people who are transgendered to some degree, need different counseling than a CD needs.

[lisal]

your therapist needs a therapist, obviously understands little, talks to much. but look at the bright side, it will save you money and you will not have to talk to an idiot any longer.

[Marleena]

your therapist needs a therapist, obviously understands little, talks to much. but look at the bright side, it will save you money and you will not have to talk to an idiot any longer.

Lol..I like this answer.

[Miriam-J]

I have a lot of respect for responsible mental health professionals, and deeply appreciate the good they can do for a person. They've done wonders for me and for other members of my family. But there are situations where their positive effects are very limited:

• You don't have a specific set of problems to address
• You're already convinced you have the answers and are looking for confirmation
• The problem you present is outside their area of knowledge or experience

I think that for most crossdressers, the crossdressing itself isn't a problem that can be addressed in therapy. But therapy can deal with the peripheral issues, like:

• Working out the conflicts between your crossdressing and the rest of your life
• Improving relationships with others affected by it, especially family and job
  
• Determining how far you need to go with it
• Working out reasonable boundaries
  

Only you can know where you fit in all of this, or whether your therapist is a competent advisor for your situation. But don't just take what they say and accept it blindly, or reject it because it isn't what you want to hear. If you like it, think about why and whether it might be too good to be true. If you don't, consider whether they might actually be right, or nearly so anyway.

Good luck as you work through this.

Miriam

[whowhatwhen]

I was told by this theripist that my CDing was a way for me to get the best of both worlds. He feels that by CD ing I am avoiding the responsibilites of being a man and enjoying the soft feel of womens clothes to to escape the stress of the male defined world. By only being a closet CDer I am still able to enjoy the good parts of the male world and am skirting the inherent problems with womanhood.

If that were true, then in theory you'd be able to drop CDing like a hot potato if you "escaped the stress of the male defined world".
But, we all know it never goes away and so should anyone who knows what they're talking about.

Is he a generic therapist or does he say he specializes in gender issues?

[Jacqueline Winona]

Is it hte best of both worlds or is it really heaven/hell on a daily basis for us? There are some unbeleivable days and I'll agree we can have the best of both genders and it is the most amazing, fun tthing in the world to express my feminine side. But just as often we get outed, read in public, spouses who can't understand, struggle to find clothes that we choose to wear, difficulty understanding ourselves let alone explaining it, etc. I just don't like the way that was phrased.

[Aprilrain]

I do not feel that we are looking for the best of both worlds,

Helen Boyd calls it the worst of both worlds

Get a new therapist! that one obviously has no training in gender issues or CDing.

[Jilmac]

Hmmm! Your therapist seems pretty narrow minded. I don't see that as being a good fit for that profession.