I always use the ladies room while en femme. I mean really how could I use the men's room. I do my business and get out. No sneaking a peak.
Just to make a point about using the ladies room I've have even used the ladies room in the Texas State Capitol Building. No problem at all.
Without reading a word of the replies (I cannot wait to do so when I'm finished), I thought I would chime in which how I disagree with you on so many levels.Originally Posted by Chloe75
I have noticed an increasing amount of posts stating that CDrs are using the ladies restroom when en femme. There is a certain thrill that goes along with doing this and where are we supposed to go anyway? but I have often wondered if this is what we should be doing. I have never used the women's restroom because it is disrespectful to women and our society not to mention illegal in many states and counties. The thought of guys (many of whom are straight) in the restroom with children or wives gives concern to many people. There needs to be a level of responsibility on our part if we choose to dress like this. We must accept all that goes with it. That is why I believer that the use of Ladies restrooms should be off limits. It will only cause greater disrespect to us and others. Many stores such as Kohls have "Family Restrooms." I think it would be promote greater respect if we would limit our use to these kind of restrooms.
1. You describe this as some sort of thrill. Because that's the case, perhaps it's best that you refrain from entering a ladies' room.
2. Where are we supposed to go anyway? This is one idea you posted which is right on the money. I'll be darned if I'm going to enter a men's room while presenting as female.
3. Disrespectful to women? In general, I think not. Sure, there will always be a segment of society who, when the question is posed, will always rally against the thought of a "guy" in a women's restroom. But one thing you have to keep in mind is that when presenting as female, and assuming such presentation is respectful to women, that is the first line of disarming others when it comes to perception. At first glance, you are NOT a guy in the ladies room. It takes a moment to process exactly what you are and more often than not, by the time this happens the disarming has already taken place.
4. If given an opportunity, I will use a family restroom but in my years of travels, I can only think of one time that has happened. Many Starbucks have single-stall restrooms that have locks on the doors. Those are my first choice but I will not hesitate to use a ladies room if there is a need.
Legality is often talked about in these pages and I have yet to hear of any legal issues with using the ladies room in the places I travel. But it's important to remember that the women's restroom is not a place to test the waters as far as being part of a ladies' sorority. It's not the best way to primp & preen in the mirror hoping for small talk on makeup, hair & glamour in general. Instead, do what needs to be done, wash your hands and make your exit and chances are excellent that you will have no issues. In other words, linger at your own peril.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I use the restroom of the gender that I'm presenting as at that moment. I've been out female clothes shopping (crossdressed, with a GG friend), and used the women's dressing rooms to try on clothes, and we both went to the ladies room when we needed to 'go'. I've also gone to the ladies room when out on a date (with a male bf). Never had any problems or issues. Just do your business and leave.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
This is a polarizing issue and I can argue it either way with almost the same conviction. I say almost because a CD is more likely to get in an altercation in a Men's than in a Women's room so I tend to lean towards the "presentation" rule.
On the other hand there was a thread here fairly recently about how to manage the "excitement" and resulting fluids that one might experience when trying on clothes. This site is a bit prudish so that tends to keep a lid on the creepy posts, but let's not pretend that there are not a significant number of creepy closet cases that do indeed get their jollies by inhabiting female spaces.
...I've never been skiing but IF I ever did, I would be sure to not fall because that looks painful.
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 03-27-2012 at 10:14 AM. Reason: Multiposting isn't allowed, posts merged
Good points, Sara - and I might also add that all these strict "rules" around which sex/gender uses which washroom fly out the window when a parent with a young opposite-sex child is out in public, and the tyke suddenly "has to go".
In the absence of a family washroom, the Dad then takes his daughter over to the men's washroom, and the Mom takes her son into the ladies' washroom to do their business in a locked stall, and no one ever gets bent out of shape when they do that. It's just plain common sense...
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 03-27-2012 at 10:15 AM. Reason: Quote removed, no need for it
I think that from the posts so far it is safe to assume that the correct procedure is to use the restroom of the gender you are currently presenting.
When I first started going out I was terrified of the girls room, but I had my wife to go with me, so it was OK. Then came the time she was did not go out or was doing something else and I could not drag my support with me. I went and was scared, but not so much. Like everything, with time and exposure your fears , or 'thrill' in some cases, will subside. Whenever we get a new girl on an outing the subject always comes up, and I try to go with them just to show them that it's OK. Really the girls room is much easier than the Mens. All the stalls have doors and there are no urinals, so no public exposure! Just slip in to a stall and do your business. And most of the time you will find the GG's in there are cool. I have gotten lots of compliments in the girls room. Again the attitude is the key, act like you belong, and people will treat you like you belong.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
It would be great if every place had individual unisex restrooms. It's not that way around here. It's pretty rare to even find a single "family" restroom.
That creates a problem for the crossdresser. Some of us can pass as females. Some of us think we pass but probably don't except at twenty feeet or more or in the dark. Some of us can't pass or don't even try.
If you can't or don't try to pass, you have a problem when it comes time to use the restroom. The last time this happened to me, I went into the woods and peed on a tree. That's not always an option.
I have yet to use a ladies room but I have used a couple unisex porta potties. I've identified two family restrooms (in malls) so I'll be better prepared next time. I need more prep work and experience to be able to walk into the ladies room to do my business with confidence.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
I don't take chances. If I have to go, I just drive to the airport and get on a plane. Problem solved.
Passing is not an issue, no GG in any of the bathrooms I ever went in thought I was anything but a cross dresser. You guys have to get that out of your head! It's your attitude, not your looks, that matter.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Its nice to see at lease one person REALLY figure it out.
If you have to ask the question then you probably wont fit in the ladies room.
New town new day and still more unisex toilets.
No unnecessary risks for me.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I was looking for the right comment to reply to, since most of the posts here have pretty much boxed in this recurring issue. I found the OP to be contradictory and not well-informed. Perhaps in the more conservative parts of the US there are still laws or law-enforcers who consider the use by a biological/anatomical male of a public restroom designated for women to be disorderly or expressly illegal, but that is certainly not the case where modern civil-rights laws exist. Many have noted the much higher likelihood of problems if one presenting as a woman were to use the men's room. In the ladies' room there is always doubt, even for the marginally passable, but in the other one there would be none, and a "man in a dress" would not fare well.
What I like about Jess's comment is the advice to act like you belong there. A matter-of-fact, no-big-deal attitude is most of what you need to answer nature's calls without incident; commonsense discretion is almost all of the rest, and the luck of the draw is the only real variable (it's certainly prudent to observe comings and goings before choosing to enter). Simply put, most people, especially women, are too polite to call someone out or confront them if there is the slightest doubt and one is well-behaved; in the OP's words, respectful. That respect derives from how you conduct yourself, not the mere fact of entering that imagined sanctuary for the same reasons as all the other humans do.
I would also disagree somewhat with those who counsel beating as fast a retreat as possible. There is nothing unusual about women pausing before the mirror to check their clothing, hair, or makeup, and not doing so may arouse more suspicion than taking a few moments to wash your hands and have a look. Women do not avoid eye contact or conversation the way men do in their uptight sanctuary, so relax, smile as needed, and respond if a fellow loo-user says something (other than "what are you doing here?"; to which the proper response is "I had to pee"). If your heart is pounding and your eyes have crossed just being there, you're more at risk than if you relax and use the facility as intended. If your anxiety is that high, you have more work to do internally if you're going to go out.
As for me, when dressed as a woman I will use the womans restroom and so should everyone that is presenting as a woman. I can't believe that it would cause anyone that has an open mind and a true heart any offense if I use the womans restroom for what a restroom was meant to be used for. As for anyone that would get offended, they can leave and come back when I am done.
I want to be this girl!
A thrill..
This is why people have an issue with it..
It's not cut and dry... i realize many folks are just wanting to pee without getting beat up...but many are in it for the thrill and that's bs to say its ok to go into the bathroom for a thrill..and there is no way to tell you apart
there are gender neutral bathrooms... they exist because by definition other bathrooms are NOT gender neutral..
A thrill to go to the bathroom! Yuck, makes me wonder if they are rubbing it while in there. And the CDs say they want to be treated like women. Well they arent women, they are men. Simple as that. If they have thier crap toghether and can pull off a decent presentation then fine use the bathroom. If they are going in there to get a thrill and rub the rubarb then use the Men's room because thats where they belong. Crap they might even get lucky if they use the Men's room, and at the very least not scare the crap out of women.
Because of this " thrill " I have an issue with it.
As a woman I would not want a fetish driven man in the women's room.
If you need to get a rush to complete some sort of sexual thrill I have many friends who who hang you from the rafters with a leather belt.
The rest room is NOT for this!!
If your a cross dresser that honestly needs to use the women's restroom because your dressed enfemme I have absolutely no issue with you.
Julia
Last edited by Julia_in_Pa; 03-27-2012 at 06:28 PM.
I think if you are dressed as a woman then you should use the ladies room. I've done it, and I assure you theres no thrill to it if you REALLY gotta pee!and their restrooms are usually much nicer!
the higher the heels, the closer to heaven.
Yes indeed this is a well traveled road. I always use the women's restroom when dressed. As for the thrill of standing in line waiting for an empty stall with a bladder about to burst, I can go an entire lifetime before I enjoy that thrill again. I have noticed that if you enter the restroom, find a stall, take care of your business, and step out into the sink area to wash your hands and possibly fix your makeup and hair, none of this take a lifetime. I have had to wait for a stall and then wait to wash my hands and the GG's in the room where all doing the exact same thing waiting. When dressed as a woman you need to learn to wait. Everyone is trying to done what needs to be done and I have never heard anyone tell the girl at the sink to hurry up.
Once you get out and about in the public you are going to have to use the restroom at some point. Be confident when entering and do not hang around unnecessarily.
Just and older girl trying to experience all that life can bring.
"Life is not a dress rehearsal"
Just throwing this out as the Devils advocate but, if people want to change attitudes about crossdressers, would the better course of action perhaps be to use the men's room and try to get people more used to seeing cd's out and about? Just throwing it out there as the counter argument. For full disclosure, I have not used the men's or women's in public while dressed.
People who hang out in bathrooms for the thrill are a vanishingly small minority, one that exists mostly in the minds of nutbar politicians like that idiot in Tennessee who threatened to "stomp a mudhole into and stomp him dry" any TG person he caught violating the sanctity of a woman's room. Now that's a reaasonable person.
Honestly, when was the last time any of us heard about an incident of a man getting caught loitering in a woman's bathroom? A juicy story like that would be sure to hit the news, yet incidents of this sort just don't seem to be very prevelant.
Perhaps there are more important topics to consider...
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
It's hard for me to understand the attitudes of this forum sometimes.
I have a thread going about being asked to leave the women's dressing room area at a department store while my wife was trying on nightgowns. The majority of the posters sided with the SA at the store.
Now we come to this thread and the majority are siding with using the ladies restroom if you are dressed or partially dressed even if you don't pass.
I don't get it.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
And you based this minority on what statistical data Eryn?
As I said before if you are a cross dresser dressed en femme and legitimately need to use the women's restroom I have no issue with you doing so.
If your a sexual fetishist I have a HUGE problem if I knew you were in the women's rest room.
In fact I would report you. If you didn't have the correct documentation and we were in a state where it was illegal to use the women's rest room without changed documents you receive everything you deserve.
Julia
If you go in just to do your business and wash up, I don't see the problem so long as you are completely presenting as a woman from head to toe.
The JCP post had the gent in male attire which is very different than what we are now discussing. I think it requires some judgement and uncommon sense (used to be common). I try to plan my day to avoid stressful situations and i find the need to use a womens restroom stressful due to the uncertainty. As stated most times it will be uneventful but should timing be bad and you cross paths with a mom and daughter or just a woman who is uneasy with you being there whether the law protects you or not it will be a scene. I don't go out to be part of a "Scene" so i try and plan. Starbucks usually have one seaters and nearly every salon in america has a restroom (I just walk in and ask if I may use it). Some places have family restrooms as well. On the rare occasions when planing didn't work, I used the ladies room for the soul purpose and went on my way.
I would never attempt to use the men's room becuase I think of the two options the safer one for ME is the ladies. I live in NJ where they have a public accomodation statute that requires all businesses to a accomodate based on gender expression so in the end I may be covered but I don't have any desire to find that out firsthand.
As for the thrill concept, not me.
Out of 49 responses to this thread, only one post suggests a thrill element to it? Why has that got to be sexual, I certainly haven't read that.
I wonder if some found out they had won a mill $$$ the thrill they got was sexual. Come on, stop painting CDs as perverts, the majority of them are nice gentlemen who prefer to wear ladies clothing, that does not make them sexual perverts.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
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