Being asked a certain question!

[Frances]

"Are you gay?" is also a complex question. Yeah I'm gay because I like women but that's not what they are asking. I feel like I'm lying no matter what I say lol.

A few years ago, I had a peri-anal abscess. This was right before going full-time. I went to see a general surgeon to get his opinion. The receptionist and the doctor were a little confused about my gender, so I told them about being trans and approaching full-time status. The doctor looked at my rear end and asked me if I was a homosexual or a heterosexual. I guessed what he was driving at and told him that orientation was not an absolute concept and that a reference point needed to be taken into account, i.e. the person's gender identity. Since I identified as a woman, would the words mean the same to him as they did to me? I said as much to him and asked him if his question was really: "did I get penetrated by penises or objects?" He said yes and I answered was no. Such conditions are common in people with office jobs. The abscess turned into a fistula and I needed surgery for it eventually.

Words matter and people often ask questions expecting an answer while using words that will point to another.

[Kathryn Martin]

I have never been asked this question, although plenty of people have come really close to asking it. What happens when they start to figure out Elizabeth and my sexual orientation, cocking their heard trying to figure it out and inevitably reach the point of embarrassment before they ask. It's lovely to watch.

My answer is always yes. I am a lesbian, I like boys, married to my wife whom I love, *shrug* go figure that out, uhhhmmmm sorry

[Beth-Lock]

...there is no point in trying to be a positive example to the masses, like in parades, on TV, etc., in my opinion. It's like describing stereo to a person who is deaf in one ear since birth.

When I am asked to explain my transgenderism, or am asked an overly personal question about it, I do find it annoying. How I handle it, varies.

Since many were really surprised when I chose to live as a woman, I dealt with it, when I wrote my autobiography for a few relatives and a few trusted friends who might be interested. In that book, I spent a fair amount of space, tracing back the roots of my MTF gender change. It turned out that those closest to me, scorned it and refused to touch it, much less read it carefully, and some just failed to take me up on my offer to send them a copy. That does look to me, like Frances has a point. Ditto about people curious enough to ask such awkward questions, but who do not want to do a bit of research, reading up on it, on their own.

I was asked the question this thread concerns, by my new family doctor. It was put diplomatically though, something like, "Who do you like?" I took no offence. Your regular Doctor is entitled to ask personal questions, and will likely do it in a non-hostile way, though of course, some don't. There are turkeys in all professions, aren't there?

[Chickhe]

The best answer is...'that's a very interesting question, why are you asking?'...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The best answer is...'that's a very interesting question, why are you asking?'...

unfortunately you would not like most honest answers to this.

the problem isn't the question, its the total lack of empathy for us behind it.. ..snappy comebacks are a momentary comfort..they are like sending nasty dear john letters to an uncaring ex-boyfriend that dumped you..

[StacieJayne]

Sorry I haven't been about a lot lately, I have been in a bad depression and I seem to have started a thread of controversy...That's me all over..controversial LoL The reason I asked, was the other day, a chap I know asked me that question and it truly stumped me. I think he caught me when my mind was elsewhere, as I replied I do and I don't He then asked if I would sleep with him GOSH OMG. I really didn't know what to say to that as I am quite happy abstaining from the sins of the flesh so to speak, at the moment. Too many things in my head are not focused, so to get sexual is not at the top of my list of things to do right now LoL. Well I told him that I didn't want to, to which he replied that I was a time waster??? and a tease??? Well you can imagine how I responded...I flew right of the deep end at him, both barrels at once. Not a very lady like thing to do I must admit, but he accused ME of being a tease, when I hadn't even come on to him???? It makes me realise, that in being whom I want to be is never going to be easy and I must learn to read men much more closely. It's strange though, I have never been like that to a genetic woman, so why did he think he could be like that to me? Is society really that bad, when people can turn so nasty in the blink of an eye, over something that didn't even happen? I don't think that my body language was wrong, it might have been, but I don't think so. I am now very confused as to what I am saying, when I say one thing and get a really different reply. Very strange indeed. Just thought I would explain why I started the thread. Apologies again for not being around, but depression does get the better of me from time to time