Protecting yourself when going out

[emmicd]

As a transgender individual what actions do you take to protct yourself when going out? It is a very real threat we all face being different and it can be scary. How many TG girls know karate or other martial arts to protect themselves from possible confrontations? When you do go out how do you enjoy yourself without constantly looking over your shoulder? Do you go out with other people, TG or not or do you go it alone?
If you go it alone how do you get the nerve to do it and where do you usually go.

If you are still with a male voice how do you converse with others when you go out dressed in womens clothes?

emmi

[Simply Joslyn]

I haven't gone out yet but I'm planning on it soon, I plan to bring my big arse knife just in case, but I'm tall enough and well build enough to twist most guys heads off so I think I'll be fine, but I would never go out alone atleast not yet, power in numbers as they say, as far as the voice I've been trying to create a female voice with exercises but i think my voice is soft enough to pass for now as long as I keep it under check

[Persephone]

A great topic, Emmi!

From what I've seen, CD's just don't develop the street smarts that most of our GG sisters acquired in childhood. You constantly see posts about going out for walks late at night alone in empty shopping centers, stuff like that. Do you think any GG woman in her right mind would do something like that???

I was talking with a GG a couple of nights ago, for example, and she was doing some late nights at a local college. She said that before she leaves the building she calls security for an escort, something they are generally happy to provide.

So the major safety tip is BEHAVE LIKE A GG WOMAN, NOT LIKE A CROSSDRESSER!

A quick Google search for "Women Safety Tips" (without the quotes) will yield hundreds of suggestions. Click here for an example.

Hugs,
Persephone.

(No particular personal endorsement of the particular tips on the indicated website is expressed nor implied. The author is not responsible for the consequences of any actions consistent with these tips or otherwise).

[NathalieX66]

I own no weapons, that means neither pepper spray or firearms.....just the consensus (hopefully) of the crowd I live amongst.
I've been everywhere, including movie theatres full of little kids & teenagers have treated me just fine. I can't complain.

Manhattan NYC does not care what you are. NJ suburb people think I'm l'm part of this oh-so-free world of NY City, and they treat me fine. I've had no problem shopping the malls en femme on the west side of the Hudson river, and all is cool.

[Missy]

I just go out with friends or with my wife or by myself as always I am just myself relaxed and having fun doing what ever it is I find myself doing
the moment that I start getting self aware of if others are looking then I get very uncomfortable and feel that others pick up on it.
so I just be myself
two things that did happen while dressed and out 1 was been in car wreck and too to er had bra and shirt destroyed by er person second mean dog attacked my dog and cops shoot and kill mean dog other then that nothing bad happened while dressed and out. been doing this since I was in grade school and now that's been about over 42 years.
have fun and enjoy life and stop looking over shoulder you will miss out on what in front of you lol

[Eryn]

I think that the ideas about being aware of your surroundings are spot-on. No GG would walk down that proverbial dark alleyway and neither should we. Stick with places that offer safety, avoid those where Bad People might be.

I'm not overly concerned about my personal safety when out dressed. Crooks like unaware, defenseless, lone victims and few of them would attack a 6'2" person who is with a companion and surveys her surroundings. I'm usually more concerned about my possessions and I tend to turn my bag flap-inward and wear it cross-body if I'm somewhere where it might be picked or snatched.

I'm not a fan of going about armed. Unless you keep your weapon in your hand at all times you won't have a chance to use it against an attacker. Frankly, if I have to walk about with a weapon in my hand I'd just as soon not be out at all.

[ArleneRaquel]

About seven year ago I was returning from a date via The Chicago Transit Authority at about 2AM. I alighted the bus and started walking the 2 blocks to my house, at about the one half block milestone I noticed a police car slowly following me, when I reached home the squad car parked in front of my house and stayed there for about 10 minutes, after that time the police drove away. I was never so scared while enfemme in my whole life. That was the last time I came home enfemme late at night not I was in a cab, or was driven home by a date or CD friend.

[Shananigans]

What I was told from day 1 is to be aware of my surroundings at ALL times. This took some practice...because, you can't just suddenly become aware of your surroundings once you are actually in a sticky situation. My grandfather and dad were always testing me and giving me tips. I was their only daughter/granddaughter. I wasn't really sure how well I was applying it...but, during my first chemistry labs, the professor tested me. He allowed everyone to walk into the classroom, sit, and we were all talking to each other for a couple minutes. He introduced himself and then asked everyone to close their eyes and point to the eye wash station, the fire extinguisher, and the emergency shower. It was a test on how well we were aware of our surroundings.

I nailed that test.

I do carry an arsenal of somewhat obvious weapons and not-so obvious weapons. I have wasp spray (better than pepper spray because it is more accurate and it blinds the person until they get to the hospital for the antidote), I have monkey balls (lead balls on a rope that are good for carrying), and a debit card with the corner cut and filed sharp. I learned the debit card trick from a personal defense guy at my college...and, he also told me to carry a metal pen.

But, that has helped me a lot in life. I am aware of everyone around me...and, I have things if I need them for help. Though, when I had to defend myself, I had no weapons at the time. I guess that's probably why going through my purse would make you think I am an assassin.

I was also told to practice noticing escape routes when I was out. So, sometimes, when I am out strolling along, I will think about what would be the best route to take.

I also heard some good advice that if someone were trying to mug you, to just throw your wallet. And, if someone has a gun to you and is trying to direct you somewhere, say, "I think I am about to faint." Then, pretty much faint. Go completely limp right then and there. Relax every single muscle. Dead weight is very, very hard to carry. You won't be moved from your situation. The whole bit that you are now unconscious and not wanting to walk where he wanted you to go is probably going to throw the whole thing. But, if you have access quickly to your sharpened debit card, one thrust across the throat is deadly if the situation progresses further. And, it's a nice little thin piece of plastic that you can stick virtually in all outfits. (I do not use my active card).

Before going to your car, have your keys ready in your hand. When I was working late in retail, I would have my keys ready in my hand and I would thread the keys through my fingers. They basically turned into make-shift spiked knuckles. I learned this trick in a defense class too. Be aware of the car beside you and the area around your car.

But, my best advice has been to be aware of your surroundings and the people that are in it. Am I paranoid, or in fear? Nah. I am actually pretty damn confident that if someone were to mess with me, I would put up a pretty good fight. Maybe more than they had bargained for. I get nervous about certain places and people because I am smart. However, it hasn't stopped me from really going anywhere. I think the weapons are mainly another confidence boost. They may prove helpful, or they might not. If you break into my house though....yeah...they will be extremely helpful. They work if they make you feel confidant and like you are in control of the situation. The people that want to mess with you are aiming at people that seem vulnerable and out of control of the situation. So, I am always in control of my situation, and I am aware of the people around me. You can also see it as I am not just protecting myself....but, I am protecting people around me. Why am I always the pack leader on girl's night? Why am I always made Alpha B*tch, lol? Probably because I have recognized that I have enough sense of what is going on with myself that my friends like going out with me.

I am also somewhat of a survivalist. I have a huge girl crush on Les Stroud...he's my f*cking soulmate. ANYWAY....he's beautiful...perfect. AAAAAAH But, yes, anyway, I recommend Les. Some of his survival tips are radical, but they are also really quite practical and I use them quite frequently when camping. I happen to be one of those girls that spends a week in a tent in the Smoky Mountains, wearing khahki shorts, camisoles, and various hats. And, THEN, go party in a cocktail dress a few days latter But, being out on the land with my family, and watching Les Stroud takes person safety up a few more pegs. Things that you learn change, you learn to adapt to different environments, and to become acutely aware of what is occurring around you. It's almost like you feel very plugged in to everything.

Currently, my most lethal poison is learning Muay Thai.

[KellyJameson]

I never go clubbing alone and the clubs I go to are LGBT friendly and I always keep a close eye on my drink making sure no one is able to put something into it.

I avoid areas where being called a redneck is considered a compliment.

In general if you dress conservatively and stylishly people will compliment or ignore you.

The idea of me defending myself in a fight is beyond my comprehension, I have never struck another human being and doubt I ever could so if they catch me I'm toast so I rely on a healthy dose of paranoia to keep me safe.

If you want to keep conversation to a minimum hold your throat and in a soft whisper apologize for whispering due to your laryngitis while exhaling the vapors of a cough lozenge in their direction, works everytime and either they will stop talking or do all the talking. Think of yourself as an actress on stage performing when you go out, a little bit of deception is OK until you overcome your nervousness and develop your skills. This also allows a wrap around your throat if you have a Adams Apple that is noticable.

I do not recommend shopping in large malls at first but individual stores where teenagers are less likely to hang out.

I grew up in Studio City, Ca. a stones throw from the Queen Mary so anything goes in the Valley but if your town is not this way consider joining a local TG group. Friends make all the difference in the world because there is safety in numbers until you reach your own comfort level and you will be with people who have been there and remember how hard it was so are likely to be sympathetic.

Your proximty to Provincetown, Mass. may allow you to attend the Fantasia Fair, If you want to feel safe the first time you go out in public that may be the perfect venue for you, but it is like Mardi Gras lots and lots of people which I find stressful.

[faltenrock]

I never had any problem when out en femme, but I walk with very open eyes and an eye for safety.

[Brittany CD]

I've never thought of that. I guess since I'm a guy I have never had to worry about confrontations, but I can hold my own pretty well. But if I ever go out I'll be careful

[thechic]

I never have had any problems,but i do often go out with others sometimes the wife,or GG,work mates or the kids,dont often go out alone.

[LeannL]

Emmi,
I am not quite sure how to answer your question since I don't know if you are asking from the perspective of someone who passes or not. Lately, much to my surprise, I have been passing with ever greater frequency (when I was asked lately for my ID when I made a credit card purchase, the SA was blown away that I was male.) So I have been taking the approach that a woman in the world would take. I am very vigilant. I keep my eyes and ears open and avoid iffy situations. that doesn't mean that I will not run into problems.

About two months ago, I was in New York City visiting the MOMA. When I got off of the subway, a young man came up next to me and told me that I was looking pretty. I didn't say a thing. He stayed next to me for a while and then, at a fork in the tunnels, headed one way and I, luckily, need to go the other. Much to my chagrin, he doubled back. He continued to say things in a low voice to me which I ignored. With my quickened pace, my goal was to find a police officer. Finally, I used a group of slow walking people to set a "pick" on him and he left. It was a lesson well taken. Always be on the lookout and always plot your route of escape. Know where others who can help you are and use that to either scare someone away or actually get the help.

WRT your other questions, I do go it alone. I go anywhere I want to go but I don't go into any "dangerous" areas - no guarantee but better odds. So I go from shopping to the museum; from church to the local diner; from airplanes to subways; checking into a hotel to TG weekends. I hope this gives you the idea that I go anywhere a woman would. Apparently, my voice is good enough to pass. So I do use the femme version of my voice whenever I am dressed, even when I am at a TG gathering.

Hope this helps,

Leann

[Traceyjo]

I only go out on my own and often it is at night but only where I consider it to be fairly safe. Still their is always a risk. What saved me with the only incident when I felt in danger from a guy was my ability to run fast and my fitness to keep going. Luckily I was not wearing heels and he wasn't nealy as fit as me

[Nicole Erin]

Most of the time, people won't even think of starting crap unless they are in a group of three or more. It needs to be only two idiots if they are in a car though.

But kind of like Eryn said about going out - if it is that dangerous at some place, why even bother going? Are us TG trying to gain acceptance of the riff raff in crappy areas?

[Marleena]

Emmi I've posted this link before. Tips on TG safety. http://www.transgenderlondon.com/Saf...TG%20Adult.htm

[sissystephanie]

In the 60+ years that I have been a CD I have been out in public dressed enfemme all over the U. S. A.! I have never had any problems anywhere! I do not carry any type of weapon, since I was trained to injure or kill a person in many different ways using only my hands! But as I said, I have never had any problems. For the past seven years, since my wife passed away, I have gone out most days dressed totally enfemme, but wearing no makeup and no wig. So I am a guy in womens clothing. Nobody ever says anything!

Most of the problems that CD's have with going out in public dressed enfemme are those in their own heads! In other words, the problems don't really exist! The CD's just think they do!! As long as you are decently covered, the vast majority of the public doesn't care what you are wearing or what you look like!!

[Julia_in_Pa]

Yes but those of us that are not cross dressers we have to protect ourselves for any situation since that situation is 24-7.

[Kate Simmons]

Don't let the pretty package fool you. Anyone who messes with this gal had better make sure their insurance is paid up. Just because I look innocuous doesn't mean I am.

[Stephenie S]

Lady's, lady's, lady's.

There is a reason women don't go out alone at night. Just don't do it! Heck, we won't even go to the women's room alone. THERE'S A REASON. Duh!

During the day, at the mall, at the bank, in the grocery store, at the post office, all those places are fine. But a woman alone at night? Just don't do it!! Find a friend to go out with. All this talk of firepower will only land you in jail. Oh, yes. Jail. Now that's a nice place to be all dressed and shaved. Yup.

Just don't go out alone at night. Cop's (as related in the above post), drunks, young men hopped up on testosterone and alcohol, all will assume you are a "working girl" if you are out alone after dark. And when and if they find out you are something else they are gonna be really ticked off. Just don't do it.

Auntie Stephenie

P.S. I am getting tired of saying this. Listen!

[Shananigans]

Yes but those of us that are not cross dressers we have to protect ourselves for any situation since that situation is 24-7.

I think even guys (or, guy mode) need to be careful. This probably shows what a bad area my undergrad college was located in...but...one of Ryan's fraternity brothers was walking from the campus (which, is gated) to this Jet Pep (which, is right down the road). I have been to that Jet Pep a million times, so it doesn't seem like a bad idea to go there. However, I wouldn't have walked...but, I am girl...it doesn't seem that weird for a guy to walk. Anyway, while he was waking, these guys drove up in a car and held him at weapon point. (? That sounds weird, but I was trying to avoid the buzzword...I think y'all get the idea). So, anyway, he was held at weapon point and they told him to get in the trunk. And, so, he got in the trunk. They didn't drive too far. I think they probably drove to this neighborhood behind Jet Pep, because there are some hidden areas there. Then, they opened up the trunk and told him to give them his wallet, his clothes, and his shoes. So, of course, he gave them his wallet, his clothes, and his shoes. They left him to walk back to campus in his underwear.

The situation could have been A LOT worse. Luckily, he was just robbed. The things he lost can be replaced. However, I feel he was put in a "vulnerable" situation because he saw himself as an invincible 20yo male...no need to be on the alert.

[kimdl93]

In my expereince the threats are more imaginary than real. I use good judgement about where I go and when I go out. I dress to blend, I go to busy public venues and relax. I don't go on late nite walks in dark neighborhoods, or to parts of the city with reputations for high crime rates.

As a result, I don't worry about confrontations and thus far, I've had none whatsoever. As for getting the nerve, that's simply making a choice and following through on it. I crossed that bridge a while ago. And as for my voice, I talk in a normal tone. I just try to be myself, and this is me.

[JessHaust]

I have a secret weapon.....I'm a guy underneath!

[Kate Simmons]

I'm not too concerned about it nor do I use weapons as I'm watched over. It behooves them to keep me humanly intact because if I'm "taken out" it's a lose lose situation for the opposition and the "powers that be" know this. Even so, eventually I will reach the apex of my purpose and then things will really begin to happen.

[Bree-asaurus]

A great topic, Emmi!

From what I've seen, CD's just don't develop the street smarts that most of our GG sisters acquired in childhood. You constantly see posts about going out for walks late at night alone in empty shopping centers, stuff like that. Do you think any GG woman in her right mind would do something like that???

I was talking with a GG a couple of nights ago, for example, and she was doing some late nights at a local college. She said that before she leaves the building she calls security for an escort, something they are generally happy to provide.

So the major safety tip is BEHAVE LIKE A GG WOMAN, NOT LIKE A CROSSDRESSER!

A quick Google search for "Women Safety Tips" (without the quotes) will yield hundreds of suggestions. Click here for an example.

Hugs,
Persephone.

(No particular personal endorsement of the particular tips on the indicated website is expressed nor implied. The author is not responsible for the consequences of any actions consistent with these tips or otherwise).

Yeah... the best self defense is not putting yourself into dangerous situations in the first place.