"Friends" and telling

[UNDERDRESSER]

So, I am straight. I am interested only in females. I have a friend I work with. I like her as a friend, and am anxious about losing her as a friend, and making work awkward. We both love the company and working here.

But,...... She is very attractive to me, so many things about her that scream out to me...

We went to dinner, and I basically laid out my dilemma, told her that it's entirely up to her, her decision, that the idea of making it difficult for her was a horror to me, but couldn't avoid asking the question.

The result? Friendzoned, sorta. She told me her last couple of relationships were too much for her, that she has too few friends to want to lose me as one... She doesn't want to get too tied up with someone until she feels she can set her own boundaries, and stop from getting overwhelmed and burnt out.

Some of you are saying, "yeah, right." But I believe her. This woman has integrity that just...radiates. ( one of her more endearing traits ) I think if nothing else, she would have said, "sorry, but I only think of you as a friend." if my chances were zero for anything else.

So, thats where we are. If things started to happen between us, I would have to tell her at a fairly early stage. (I simply could not keep this from her. ) I am thinking that I should tell her now, "well, before you start wasting valuable emotional energy on me, i should tell you this, it might make your decisions simpler."

I have a high degree of confidence, that even if it really turns her off, she wouldn't tell on me. She might encourage me to be more open about it, but I simply trust her enough that something told in confidence, wouldn't be spread around.

Opinions? I do not promise to take your advice.

[JessHaust]

Well, sweetie, I told my wife on the first date.(i've now been married to her for 32years), But we were dating. Don't get me wrong, but it does not sound like you are dating. You maybe dating, but she sounda like she is just out with a friend.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well, sweetie, I told my wife on the first date.(i've now been married to her for 32years), But we were dating. Don't get me wrong, but it does not sound like you are dating. You maybe dating, but she sounda like she is just out with a friend.

Err, yes. But my thinking is, rather than wait to see if we can go forward, and then tell her, tell her now? Even if this kinda thing is a total turn off for her to consider in a boyfriend, I think she would be open minded about it with a friend. So, about 90% sure that worst case I get a friend that I can talk about this with. If its not something that would preclude amorous thought about me, then I get points for being honest?

[YorkshireRose]

As was suggested on another thread, which I thought was excellent advice, try to bring CDing up into the conversation, in a general way and see how she reacts, if she is totally fine with it then gently ease it into the conversation. If she gives a strong negative reaction, then you can then judge what to do. Hope this might help hon

Charlotte

[Laura912]

Going from generalities about CDing to specifics may not work as well as some think but agree that it is a less hazardous route. Suppose one is gay yet in a general conversation one learns that a close friend has some specific anti gay feelings. Then that friend is told, "Hey, I'm your best friend but I am gay." Frequently, there is a change in attitude toward being gay and the person is more accepting. It your case you will have to go by your evaluation of your friendship. Telling her early is better than later especially if she is going to invest emotion in you.

[kimdl93]

Its way to early to be thinking about long term relationships. I do think she's wise to take a bit of a break between her last relationship and the next. And it makes life easier for both of you. You seem to know her well enough to judge how she'll react. So, I'd say, come out to her. Let her know this part of you. Then just focus on being the best and most supportive friend you can.

[Karren H]

I'd show up at her house enfemme and see what happens! Nothing like the direct "get it the hell over now" method!

[UNDERDRESSER]

I'd show up at her house enfemme and see what happens! Nothing like the direct "get it the hell over now" method!

Yeah, kinda thought you'd go for the "Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!" approach.

No. I know enough about her to be confident that broaching clearly stated boundaries would not go over well.