CDers, do you think you could space out your questions a bit? There's no way to measure this and I hate to impose rules, but maybe no more than one question every 2-3 days to give some space for all the answers?
By living our lives in concert with one another. Her switching back and forth is just so ordinary for us it doesn't merit any "special" comments. It's just the same as my SO not making a big deal when I change from wearing a pair of blue jeans to a summer skirt.Originally Posted by candicd
That said, in the beginning when I was learning about all of this we had the usual "special girlie time" (painting finger nails, etc), but we don't any more. How many women in their 50s do you know who paint each other's finger nails? :p I also want to add, it is mostly the accepting GGs who seem to be responding to this thread so far. For a wife just having learned about this after some years together and who is struggling with the concept, blocking out some time so that her husband is free to dress even if alone without having to hide anything, is a huge way to support him.
There are no boundaries simply because we both agree on the degree of "outedness". Also my SO has a rich life with many other things in it than the CDing, and so she dresses when the need arises and as her schedule permits, which I find entirely reasonable. Admittedly there was an expansion in the beginning from dressing just at home to learning how to go out in the mainstream, which brought with it a wardrobe overhaul and some minor changes to her physical presentation in order to make it easier and quicker for her to get ready. And during these times I convinced myself she was on her way to transition despite her assuring me of the contrary. Still even then, I had no wish to limit my SO's self-expression. I don't want to be with a partner who stifles himself to be with me, this is a recipe for future relationship disaster. If however she were to want to live full time or transition, this is beyond my comfort level for a romantic partner and we would need to reexamine the direction of our relationship at that time.
Is she a better person because she is dualgender? Honestly I don't know, I've never known her otherwise and so I've nothing to compare. She is a fine person though, and this is why we're together.
If the kids found out on their own then we'd just need to deal with it as best we can. We'd do our best to educate them about all the different facets of being trans, and how this fits in with my SO. We would also respect their individual preferences as to exposure. One of my sons might not be bothered by seeing my SO dressed, but the other two might and my SO would not feel comfortable dressing in front of them in that case. But, I would not want my SO to tell my sons without my permission, just as I wouldn't tell her boss or her parents without her permission.
However, when the kids share the same parents, it is just as important for both parents to be exactly on the same page with this, so as not to confuse the kids. It would be awful if dad gave the impression he was all gung-ho about the CDing while mom was sitting in the corner with white knuckles. The kids would be forced to choose sides, despite the parents' best intentions to not have this happen.
