Dressing in public

[PretzelGirl]

But, if you go out close to home and the rumor mill gets going, it might affect clients' opinions of you at your job (and potential business), your membership in any organization you may wish to join, the amount of social invites you'll receive from friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, your potential dating pool if you're single, and if you're married with kids, your daughter's friends may not be allowed to have sleepovers at your house any more, and some of your wife's friends might drop her too.

Reine, I fully agree with the outlook on a job. No matter how relaxed many of us may be, the job specter always looms above us.

But to change an old saying, I wouldn't want to be a member of an organization that won't have me. If I went to the group to be a member and someone said "He dresses in woman's clothes" and then they don't offer me membership, they just did me a favor. I don't want to socialize with them anyway.

The same for friends as they wouldn't really be my friends if they rejected me for this. And I emphatically say very much so for the dating pool. We talk about telling before marriage or talk about relationship issues, so a potential partner rejecting me early would probably be a relief (although painful). Better earlier than later.

[ReineD]

But to change an old saying, I wouldn't want to be a member of an organization that won't have me. If I went to the group to be a member and someone said "He dresses in woman's clothes" and then they don't offer me membership, they just did me a favor. I don't want to socialize with them anyway.

The same for friends as they wouldn't really be my friends if they rejected me for this. And I emphatically say very much so for the dating pool. We talk about telling before marriage or talk about relationship issues, so a potential partner rejecting me early would probably be a relief (although painful). Better earlier than later.

I agree with you fully!

But, we need to remember that different people have different lifestyles, different needs. I know people who are involved in many organizations, be they social, charitable, political, or professional. They're just very active people and without getting into what they get from all these activities, it's safe to say these activities are important to them. There are people who thrive on having huge social circles and being a member of the golf club or the Country Club or whatever. They are the small town business men, lawyers, doctors, etc who together with their wives enjoy the dances, the parties, and the opportunities to network for professional reasons.

These are the people who need to consider that their standing in their communities or organizations they wish to be involved in (for whatever reason) may be affected by being outed. Obviously the people who prefer a quieter lifestyle and who have a small number of friends won't have the same concerns.

As to dating, honestly before having developed feelings for my SO I was ignorant enough about what it means to be gender variant, that if she had told me from the get go I likely would not have been interested in pursuing the relationship. But, I did get to know him and I fell for him so that when our relationship deepened and she told me about herself, I was very much interested in learning more. Not having the entire community you live in know that you're a CDer increases your dating pool significantly, enough to have more chances of finding that person who will find you interesting enough to also want to learn more.

[Saffron]

But to change an old saying, I wouldn't want to be a member of an organization that won't have me. If I went to the group to be a member and someone said "He dresses in woman's clothes" and then they don't offer me membership, they just did me a favor. I don't want to socialize with them anyway.

The same for friends as they wouldn't really be my friends if they rejected me for this. And I emphatically say very much so for the dating pool. We talk about telling before marriage or talk about relationship issues, so a potential partner rejecting me early would probably be a relief (although painful). Better earlier than later.

good point, but still... fear is a strong emotion.