I mean thing like growing your hair out, getting your eyebrows a bit thinner, getting your ears pierced, and whatever else.
TL;DR: I don't have enough resources to crossdress properly. I'm not happy with my image as a male but at the moment I cannot afford everything I need to erase as much male as possible.
Until I see no man, I cannot crossdress.
So, I'm thinking that the above things I listed may give some temporary relief.
Any thoughts?
"Until I see no man, I cannot crossdress."Originally Posted by whowhatwhen
Sound similar to my take on it as well. If I have zero chance of looking remotely female from the neck up, I am likely to just say to hell with it from the neck down.
Currently I am demanding of myself to lose the male pattern later in life bulge at the wasitline. Too much gut and too little chest only makes both too damned obvious.
I know eh?
Even if no mirror is present, I don't want to have that male appearance.
It's frustrating since ditching my male appearance is something I have to do, at least as much as I can get away with at the time.
I wondered if it reduced stress with anyone whose been in a similar situation.
There is the fact that me suddenly growing my hair out, getting my ears pierced, and getting my eyebrows done will draw attention.
However, I'm getting close to the point where fear is causing more stress than the fear itself - if that makes sense.
I have this wig I am dying to buy. Gorgeous long hair (I like long hair). But I can say I like long hair to look at it on others, I have never had long hair myself (so I have no real idea what I am asking for). But as it would be a wig, well unlike real hair, on a damn hot day I don't need to care to a point, I can always wear a short hair wig basically.
Either way, not sure what I would look like in a long hair wig, and I am more or less worried I will be spending 130 bucks (the cost of this one) to look at myself in the mirror laugh on the outside even if miserable on the inside. I'd be out the price of two good models at most.
But it most definitely is a mandatory purchase, because male pattern baldness is a death sentence to looking female that's for sure (no I don't want to do the bald female look).
The one time I got a pedicure and my toes painted, it was marvelous. Can't wait to do it again.
Apparence changes don't really make me feel bettter.... Chocolate makes me feel better.... And checking someone into the boards.... Lol.
I totally relate -- even when not "dressed" I still have my long nails, polished toes, thinned brows, styled hair, pierced ears, girly tattoos and other things to remind me of my feminine side. That way, I'm never too far away from being Diane.
- Diane
Hi whowhatwhen!! Cool name! If it was mine it would say "natacshaIdon'tknowNow"!! lol It is a strange phenomenon isn't it? I think it comes down to seeing is believing?? The part I am beginning to understand more is the fact that I never needed female clothes to feel feminine and that is the underlying factor for me. No, I don't feel sexy unless I have no hair on my face and dolled up from head to toe. But I still feel beautiful either way. I guess it's just a matter of accepting that I still spend most of my time as a guy so why not be happy as both?? But even when in drab, I am still very much in touch with my femme side...always. Not a flamboyant person but there are some that see past it. xoxoxo
Opposites attract: I think I took this concept of physics a bit toooo personally!! :DHetero, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, TG, TS, TB, BP, BS, ET....I know I fit in there somewhere...but who cares!!! Happiness: lies in self progress, truth, love, and tolerance. I'm Me! No one else can be me but me. Ironic: is how society made me embarrassed to go out in public, and yet the biggest reason I wanna go out is to seek their approval.The fact that girls and guys both CD is an indication to me that there are parallels that exist that allow many of us, at times, to be able to actually feel what it's like to be that opposite sex...in every possible facet. the way they think, feel, react, speak, and more. It's a two way street that many of us intersect down the way. Soooo....Be happy with what you have and SMILE!! Kisses and Hugs to EVERYONE!!!!!
I just don't look in a mirror! Why deny yourself some stress free time because you cannot look 100%????
Feeling better is mostly an acquired skill regardless of how we are dressed. It's mostly mindset and dominant attitude Hon. I can have all of the "equipment" but if I don't have a purpose in mind, it kinda falls flat if you know what I mean.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
It's the mental image
I'm just uncomfortable doing that and knowing I look like a man, then again there is a good chance I'm further along the TG line than just a CD so maybe that has something to do with it.
Body image is way more important than anything, and I really, really don't like what I see.
Which is why I made this thread, to see if anyone else had luck with their body image by making such changes.
Yes they do, I keep my brows groomed still learinging how to properly arch them. I Shave constantly and put polish on toes and fingers (clear). Just love the primping.
I have a question.
Do any of you who Do Not identify as transsexual (which is a feeling that you were assigned the wrong body at birth) ever enjoy your appearance in male mode? Ever?
This is confusing for me. I understand wanting to look as feminine as possible when expressing this facet of yourselves. But if you feel that your male appearance is jarring even when you do not feel the urge to express your feminine "side", then does this mean that you "always" feel that your body does not match who you are inside, which would then jive with the way that transsexuals feel?
I guess I'm asking the non-transsexuals if you have feminine and masculine "sides" or "facets", or if you feel you are feminine all the time.
Or, are some of you transsexual without having made the leap to identify yourselves as such?
Just trying to understand. :p
Reine
I have no idea, but it's definitely something to bring up with the therapist next week.
Personally, I've never been able to stand looking at myself in the mirror but that could just be a self-esteem issue.
I don't have distinct male and female sides, there is only me, of which parts are still unknown and still need to be worked through.
Seeing myself in the mirror is like this image for me. Is she spinning forwards or backwards and can you make her switch?
If I haven't gone in extreme guy mode for a few days, I don't see myself as male in the mirror anymore. If I put on a ball cap and let my facial hair grow for a few days, I see all guy and cannot see girl for a few days (unless my wife lets me put on makeup, then it snaps in quickly). Right now, I have some light eyeliner on and she did my eyebrows again last night. I am nowhere near seeing anything male in the mirror. I am much calmer when I feel more feminine, so it is much nicer to stay in girl mode.
whowhatwhen:
Everyone is at least a little different with regard to this. For me, I enjoy expressing certain aspects of femininity without dressing to the nines. In fact, I've worn long hair in essentially feminine styles (on and off) for decades. If you can at all, I highly recommend letting your hair grow. It's worth a period of social adjustment. At any rate, you'll only find out by trying things yourself. "Just do it", as they say.
I don't think "crossdressing" has to be an all or nothing proposition, in fact, I'll have to admit I find the schitzy approach something of a turn off. There's a great amount of satisfaction in feeling cohesive, but with widened options.
Reine:
I can't really say I've ever actually enjoyed my appearance as "a male", but I haven't detested it either. I remember as a teen feeling hopelessly inferior to more masculine appearing guys and wondering if I could ever be attractive to a woman. Then I got older, started meeting adult women and learned otherwise.
~ Lyric ~
I hadn't thought of that, and I see the truth in this. I'm perfectly fine with my gender identity, I have not the least desire to be or to present male, but when I look at myself in the mirror I do not like what I see either. I only see the flaws. The people in my life believe that I am attractive, but I don't see it at all. It could well be a question of self-esteem, thanks for bringing this up.
Reine
Karren, You have not had Chocolate unless you had "Fanny-May" Chocolate.
You can get them on line, try Goggling them. If you do not think that you died,
And went to Chocolate Heaven, Than you have never put on a set of Skates.
I guarantee they are that good.
Rader
I am not at all fussy about how I dress as a male. Jeans, sneakers, short sleeve shirt in a print or pattern--white socks every day, 15 seconds to comb my hair and I am good to go(provided I shaved in the shower last night).
I look fairly good, if I wear a coat and tie with real black leather wing-tip shoes. I am fine with this.
Hi Reine,
As always, you have asked "The" penetrating question.
I don't consider myself to be a transsexual, and although I'm sure that I would be diagnosed clinically as being gender dysphoric I have never a.) felt that I am a woman trapped in a man's body, or b.) considered for even a second the concept of SRS without a shiver of horror running down my spine.
Fwiw, I think that I might have as many as three different gender facets: In rank of the most time I spend in each facet/mode.
The primary mode is Male because I spend almost all my weekday time in the Real World as a man wearing a suit, tie, wingtips, white shirt, and carrying a briefcase. I expend what some might consider to be an inordinate amount of time and money on making sure that my male clothes and shoes are stylish, clean, and well maintained. I hike, bicycle, workout, and play tennis in male mode, but the only sport which I play only in male mode is golf. If people called me a Metrosexual in the Sex and the City sense, I wouldn't be displeased, although I suspect that many people who don't understand the difference might think I am gay. My male persona dates women but rarely is fortunate enough to have sex with them, and never dates men or has sex with them.
The secondary one is Androgynous, when I will, e.g., put on my wig, makeup and sports bra with one size enhancer forms, and then dress in nongender specific items such as cargo shorts or Levi's, crosstrainer sneakers or even tactical boots, a sweatshirt or a hoodie or a unisex Tee, and a ball cap, and just go bumming about in the streets and stores. Oops! Should have said that I almost always carry a purse when I go out as Androgynous. I also tend to dress at home in this type of clothing because it relaxes and calms me. I do a lot of hiking, bicycling and gym workouts as an androgyne, and also play tennis. My mindset is ever so much more feminine than masculine when I'm in this phase of my persona. In this mode I occasionally date men, and never date women, and am mostly asexual.
The tertiary mode is totally crossdressing Male to Female, which is when I have the time to think about putting together a matching outfit (dress, shoes, realistic breast forms, accessories, etc.) specifically tailored for a specific activity, e.g. clubbing, a sit-down restaurant dinner, a concert, a play, et cetera. I usually am accompanied by transgender or male friends when I do this, and I seldom put on dresses and high heels just to go larking about. I date men, but never women, in this mode, and on rare occasions have dates with other transgenders.
Regarding the "Mirror" test. I've done a lot of body sculpting over the last dozen years, and my constant mantra is that, " attractive women are skinny, attractive women are skinny!" I've lost almost 25% of my body weight over the last dozen years through dieting, hiking, bicylcling, and specifically targeting body parts, and have gone from 46-37-40/205 pounds measurements to 42-29-37/155 pounds. Although I'm not totally happy with my no-wig and no-makeup look in the mirror, it's a lot better than it used to be. One of the things I've happily discovered is that although you can't hide a male brow, nose, and Adam's apple, they look a lot less masculine when one's BMI is under 21, and one's eyes and lips look a lot larger in a thinner face! By doing literally tons of leg presses, toe raises, leg extensions, glutes extensions, and leg curls I've managed to keep my legs at almost the same size as when I weighed 205. Now if I could only have figured out a way to keep the three inches I lost off my hips. . . . . .
Although I do understand the mantra that sexuality and gender are not necessarily connected, I am a person who enjoys sexual relations with both men and women, but only when I am presenting as the opposite gender. Obviously, with men that distinction is in my mind only, but nevertheless I feel it keenly.
Reine, as you know I have a problem with the categorisation and labels issue as there is very little basis for these other than a need to put people into boxes.
I have always had low-esteem, but I compensate by doing things in life that require an 'audience'... music, presenting, etc... performance! People tell n]me that I am good at what I do, but only part of me believes them... the other part is self-doubt and self-criticism and a desire to get better...
I haven't liked how I looked since I was 18 when my hair started going... I was growing it out in 6th form ready for University, and 6 months into Uni I started receding...
I am a short, ugly guy who has managed to get by... when I look at Kaz in a mirror and walk about in the clothes... I feel great!
To the OP... I 'manage' my eyebrows (as I have little hair on my head, they look better trimmed and shaped!)... and I shave all my body hair. I also paint my toe-nails. I am not just underdressing I guess... but all this stuff helps me feel like me.
In the mirror and in most of my pics... I see Kaz... in my head I am Kaz... in my heart I am me.
Many people say that to be TS you have to hate your maleness and want the bits removed...
My problem is that I have had a rewarding and rich life as drab old me... Most of this I would not want to give up for anthing in the world... but I so wish I had been born female... It is a very powerful feeling that does move me to tears often..
Whowhatwhen... you need to discover the inner you... Look beyond the male face and into your eyes... find your hidden beauty...
Sadly everything else costs money... but make-up and hair make a big difference!
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
For me the physical changes are far more important than the clothes, the clothes are for fun.
I adore both sides of my persona.
Rebecca is as much a part of who I am as a person to when I'm in guy mode as visa versa. There are qualities which can not be replicated and this is why I cherish both altered egos.
For instance I don't refer to my guy mode clothes as drab. My guy clothes are anything but.
Though as I commented in another thread, I think a balance is needed. Hence why I'm not here as often as I was when I 1'st joined.
In my opinion, some threads could, if one basically spent most of their time here, altered/influence one's perception of where they're truly at with regard to their own non-transsexual disposition. Kind like hanging around something and eventually the mindset is adopted as your way of thinking too.
Anyways I'm happy with both sides of my persona
~ it's not how the world sees you but how you see yourself that counts ~
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When you do not start your dressing journey until you are 65, the number, not to mention the ease, of physical body changes is reduced somewhat, So the superficial things that can be changed, brows, nails, toes, get more attention. The weight and body shaping is just so much harder, but yes, they are what I can look at day to day, dressed or not, and I do take comfort.
Yes, I like what I see when I look at the pictures of my youth. 6 ft, broad shoulders, 32 inch waist, lean body, pompadour hair with a duck tail and a pound of Brylcreem. And yes, in my mind now i really could have done something with that look, if only I had realized just who I really was at that time. NOW........not so good looking as a guy, and dont spend much time looking in the mirror, I do look better as a woman, so I put my energies into that.
So, yes, you will take some pleasure in these small non clothing changes. Your comfort is in your mind, and they will comfort your mind.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Hi.
Im intersexed. so a bit different. acceptance is in being able to accept who you are what you are & yes with all my failings flaws & details about my self as a person first.
I did not think i looked like a woman more so a feminine one yet i was told two nights ago by a new friend that i am a beautifull woman. & by others my manerisims say i am .
these women are not just being nice & makeing things up to make me feel nice about my self they are real.
I never liked the way i looked. some 54 out of 64 years of my life.
So what is real beauty is it only how we look , i dont mean clothes makeup shoes or what ever you or we do to make our selfs look nice ,its about us in side & there is the real beauty.
That comes from with in. That is what i show, not wether my facile looks are more masculine or not. yes im a female / woman from birth. just because i got washed with a dose of T.
does not need to detract from my self as a woman.
...noeleena...
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