I should also point out that in most relationships on here, it's the cross dressing partner worried about how to disclose to their GG SO! That symmetry to your situation really strikes my whimsy.
I should also point out that in most relationships on here, it's the cross dressing partner worried about how to disclose to their GG SO! That symmetry to your situation really strikes my whimsy.
I'd say as long as you keep it anonymous and don't share any more personal information (bedroom stuff,fantasies etc.) you're in the clear.
Oh and I'm totally stealing that awesome panda smilie, just FYI.
:Panda:
Last edited by max; 07-26-2012 at 04:15 PM.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
The fact that you care and are open enough to join a site like this is icing on the cake. I'd say your crossdresing SO is a lucky person. I don't see how you have violated anything. I hope ya'll make it.
I don't think you have violated and form of trust. In fact, that you came to this site for understanding and to further you acceptance shows strong support and trust. You are to be commended.
Things aren't always black or white.....unless you're a Panda. haha
Seriously, no violation of confidence - no identifying information was exposed.
You're SO is fortunate to have you.
I think as most that have already posted.
You have done the right thing and no trust has been violated as far as I see it.
Most CD's here would love have their SO be as accepting as you are.Mine is just like you and loves my duality.
She says it makes me 100 times more interesting than anyone she has dated.
You sound like a lovey person and I wish you both all the best.
Mine too, including the "is not having told equivalent to deception?" concept that seems to have been quite firmly (and rightly) laid to rest here.Originally Posted by Babeba
I should also point out that in most relationships on here, it's the cross dressing partner worried about how to disclose to their GG SO! That symmetry to your situation really strikes my whimsy.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
No.
You're anonymous here as would be your SO, should he/she join.
But, do you think your SO might resent your seeking more information about the CDing? I know that my SO in the beginning did not want me to put her "in a box" with all the other CDers (as if they all are in the same box to begin with, lol). I guess she didn't want me to "tell" her who she is or what motivates her, which I never have nor will I ever, since no one can determine this other than herself. But, joining this site did provide me with some specific questions, I was able to see the paths that some of the other CDers take and I also could also discern a consistency in general tastes, and I dare say that she was often frustrated with not always knowing the answers to my questions about her preferences or her goals.
The path to determining how far a CDer is willing to take this, all the while combatting male socialization, can be arduous. So if a CDer isn't quite ready to embrace one or several aspects of the CDing, it makes sense he won't be all too keen to discuss the topic at length and he will prefer to meander down the path slowly at his own pace.
Might it be that you sense this and this is why you are reluctant to share with your SO that you've joined here?
Reine
ReineD Your insight amazes me.
That is the way I felt when my SO asked questions.
I just met a GG that has an incredible attitude for CD such as I am... and I have some interesting ideas on how it and sex all fits together well and even with religion beleifs, on humbling oneself, etc... No time right now. Actually very little spare time... but if we want to go there, I'll have to get her input here. I am recently widowed, started looking for a GG friend, turned away a handful of losers, found this one lady and had an exciting first meeting, blasted her with the full truth and she thought it was great! It's kinda scary how well we are suited and how fast it's gone... I have tested her convictions and she doesn't shrink at all. Absolutely incredible. But being in a spouse position, you could much more easily shrink from the idea. BIG Kudos to you girl... this is true love, keeping an open mind under a wife's position. urprisingly, MOST wives have a very bad reaction... but then there are a huge percentage of married couples that don't really love each other that well. Now THAT'S what I call a dysfunctional relationship.
I read ReineD's response and yes, there is allot in there... I would like to do an amen, there are a bunch of variations on CD within the group and when first discovering there is more than just YOU, it is daunting at first. As a CD I had often enouraged my spouse to go to a CD meeting or social event... not just a bar social, but you can find larger more formal gatherings that would be a real eye opener in a safe environment, for you both to see the whole gammet and know that you fit in there somewhere! My first time ever dressing in public, if this qualifies, was going to a Best estern hotel where they had a huge auditorium reserved for their meeting... I went drab, but underdressed and with a bag of outer clothes, just in case. They had two rooms also that sisters were gettin dressed in and they recognized me as a scared newbie and they were so awfully kind, helping me with makeup I didn't bring, lent me a wig, it was just so super awsome and a great function. AND there were quite a few wives there with their CDhusbands! Imagine that, Happy wives with their CDHusbands! Holy COW. there was an after party in at least one of the rooms I heard, but not for me. I have also attended a home party and a hotel room party (strictly platonic because I was happily married and looked on fooling around with CD's as cheating just the same as with another woman). There were other CD's without their wives who sat and talked while a few were getting crazy right next to us! and the house CD party there were a few wives and some girlfriends. One GG was a professional makeover artist helping the gurls put on makeup. he was pretty and single and had I not been happily married, I'd have gotten to know her better. o it is not so traumatic or so sensational to be married to a CD. It's an exciting hobby, if you want to look at tit that way... something to keep the passion alive, into the golden years! I'm 57 and just started having the best sex of my life! My girlfriend is overweight but that is really a minor detail for a person that accepts me the way I am. Live life fully and passionately, sure eat healthy and diet if you like but not to an extreeme and sacrifice one of the simple pleasuers of life... I am digressing now, but my ex wife, passed away from Lung cancer at 52, she was gorgeous, prety great figure, a health nut, reading prevention magazine, eating salads with little dressing while I and our daughter ... didn't eat so healthy... and she got cancer and died. o, yes, be concerned with diet and exercise, but it is not the end all and don't discount passions and pleasures that are simple, moral, loving, etc... CD is NOT deviant behavior. The law has strict definitions of deviant behavior. I tahn God in prayer my passions are not deviant and quite inoquous (spelling?) and benign in nature. God bless you girl for loving him so well and God bless your mariage, health and children (if applicable).
Last edited by AberdeenQueen; 07-26-2012 at 06:21 PM. Reason: add more
Hmm. AberdeenQueen, I'm glad you found someone to share this with. But I would rather you had said, "the ladies with whom I did not click", rather than call them losers.
Thanks, Tracii.
Reine
I don't think she would resent me seeking information...however, the rest of the things you said hit the head of the nail right on the head. In fact, it brought tears to my eyes that you had so much insight. That you totally understand where I am coming from.
Thank you !
She is such a shy person to begin with. Doesn't talk very much as it is. I'm the total extrovert. I talk enough for the both of us. I agree that she seems to want to meander down the path slowly at his own pace. IS really what is going on. I try not to push and i often find myself slightly frustrated when I can't help or have answers .And it frustrates her that she doesn't even have the answers either. So I have taken the hands off approach and try to let him lead the way. Not any easy task......I wait and be patient.
Patience for me is a hard thing. But I am learning. I am the type of person when I see a situation I dive into the ocean and basically explore everything around me ...so to speak.
I guess that is why I am reluctant to tell him/her because I don't want to push. I dont want her to think I am pushing. I don't want to hurt her . But being the person that I am, I don't like to hide things. and it makes me feel uneasy with holding on to this. But I fear that if I hold it too long and he finds out by himself it will make him feel betrayed.
Having this discussion has made me feel better but I know that I have to take the plunge and just sit him down and tell him/her.
Last edited by Lady Panda; 07-26-2012 at 06:26 PM.
L.P.,
You are almost exactly on course with your loving approach to supporting your other half. Diving in, studied work, seeking advice, etc. All right on target.
BUT, if you feel more than a little angst ridden, maybe you should gift him/her with a Brand New Ferrari 458 Spider. Red or Yellow. You will then be able to bask in the glow of having done the right thing.
AND, two hot babes racing around the countryside with the top down... Oooooh!
Huntress
Lady Panda,
Welcome to this forum! I don't think that you have really violated the privacy of your SO. You can be as anonymous as you want to be here, and I think it's fine as long as you keep your SO anonymous too. Of course, your SO may feel differently...but, that's my opinion. I understand being the "extrovert" in the relationship with a somewhat shy SO. That's totally my situation too
I think you can learn a lot here. The Loved Ones section is super helpful for couples. There are a lot of people in relationships that post on that section of this forum. You may also be interested in joining FAB (female-at-bith) section. It is the section of the forum that is for GGs in relationships with TG people. It's also a good place to find like-minded GGs, and where you can also talk about things not related to CDing.
So, it's awesome that you are here and are supporting your SO. It was probably very difficult for your SO to share this with you. I would recommend at least telling your SO about this site, and letting her decide whether or not she wants to be a member. It will also allow you guys to talk about your comfortable level of privacy. My SO and I aren't very private on here, but we are also "out" to our friends and family. So, our privacy here is mainly just your standard level of protection on the internet. But, your SO can be here, be completely anonymous, and have a cartoon avatar. I'd say the majority of people here are pretty anonymous, so your SO would fit right in.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
Well ladies,
I told him/her today about being a member here ....but it was quite an emotional roller coster ...Cried alot while telling . I can't even begin to understand what you girls go thru when telling your even bigger secret.
At first she had a scared look on her face....but as I explained about annonymity of it all she seemed to relax. and was ok. I thionk she was just scared that someone would find out ...after that she was ok and even supportive about it.
Told her that she could join and maybe it would help her to decide/figure out about how far she wanted to go w things about dressing .
I just want to thank all of you ladies for your advice... you all made me feel so much better and gave me the courage to tell.
Don't know if she will join ...but the ball is in her court now.
To thine ownself be true.
Put out into the universe what you would like to receive in return, because it comes back like a boomerange in 3 fold! :Panda:
LP, Glad it went well you are an amazing lady and she/he is lucky to have you. I hope she joins as you have learned and expressed to her we are not a bunch of perverts here and she would be welcome. Thanks for allowing us to play a part.
Yes the Ladies that I have got to know here are very special people, Love you all.
Hugs
Jolene
Hate to be one that says, "see, I told you so". LOL But seriously, I just knew telling him/her would be OK. It was not even a close call concerning confidentiality. You say he is shy, so I bet inside he is more then just OK and supportive. I bet he is happy and proud if you for taking the initiative to learn and help you to understand more about what he is faced with/. That act alone shows you love him and care. He is a very lucky guy/girl.
You haven't violated any confidences if you have kept anonymous.
We generally don't post phone nos and addresses.
Discussions are usually generic and generalised to say the least.
You can identify someone you know if they post a unique situation on here.
ie. Bungy jumping off the empire state bldg. could get you exposed.
I remember one person exposing themselves because they were chosen for a football team but I do not think the world stopped for them.
Your SO should be pleased that you have come here and you should encourage her to also join.
Then you can both join in the fun.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I am glad things worked out well after your disclosure - I think you will enjoy reading the comments posted by many of the SO's
You certainly did not violate anything in the trust department. If you are concerned about it, I would simply ask your s/o if they would feel anything negative if you were to join here for support? At least that way you would find out how they feel about you being a member here, assuming the s/o is truthful. My only concern would be if your cd/so were to misread why you are here and think you are spying on them, if you will. I know, sounds stupid but hey, who knows? I would like to think they would think it's a good idea if that's what you want. My s/o is not a member here but can join whenever she wants; I'd welcome that. She however does not feel the need or want to be a member so that's fine with me also.
Last edited by jillleanne; 07-30-2012 at 08:24 AM.
That's so cool that your so understanding and supportive. I am just as lucky as you spouse as my wife totally supports me. I also don't want anyone "at this time" to know. And I told her first thing that I joined this forum. I am 51 and I've only been married for 5 yrs. But for the first time in my life I am totally honest with no secrets. I can keep nothing, good or bad ,from her. Secrets suck. Bring up the subject and see how it goes. I'm sure it'll be ok
Lady Panda, please show your husband the forum and specifically this thread. We'd love to have her join us and I'll bet that we would all profit from her being here.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
IMHO No you didn't violate her/his trust ~ your simply looking for answers and solutions. Your not only a wonderful woman, wife, ~ your a beautiful person who anyone would be fortunate and blessed to have in their lives.
Just guessing I would bet your a very caring, sharing, loving, out-going person even to strangers ~ such as my SO is. Private ~ but with a Heart of Gold.
I think you did/are doing a great thing, and I'm glad it went ok.. She's lucky to have someone who cares so much. only advice I can think of is try to go at a pace she's comfortable with. whatever it is, is fine.. a nudge or two might help maybe
