Okay - so as things work out between my wife and I (or rather as we inch through the stasis that we're both in) I basically have given up dressing. So I rely on my imagination as an outlet. Thinking of dressing up, what looks to go after, how to pair a certain pair of shoes with a bag, what foundations would I buy to get a more feminine shape etc. at least my imagination isn't outlawed.
But a really curious thing has started to happen. I'm a visual guy, an artist and creative professional, so the way I perceive things is intensely acute for me.
When I look at myself I'm starting to see a woman body.
I see women's legs, only they're covered with hair and are in need of a damn good waxing. Really - not guy legs. It's like a switch has gone off and I don't see boy parts anymore.
And hips, chest, collarbone, neckline. I see a woman's form under a mat of men's hair growth. It's like my perception is rebelling, and gives me this idealized gender viewpoint.
Now don't get me wrong - I don't see Heidi Klum under my chest hair - I see all the imperfections and differences between a male body and female one. But like I said, the switch has flipped and I see where and how I would need to augment with pads or forms, but it's like I can visualize my chest with breasts, or my hips with ...more hips.
Does this happen with anyone else? It's a little scary - and I feel a little crazy. And there's a lot of questions that it's bringing up. Any TS's every have felt this way or began to feel this way?
I'm turning here because I described it to my therapist and shes a little dismissive. Which also worries me - maybe I need a therapist who can understand this?
Thanks
Darla
