pulling the rug

[ReineD]

Does your SO accept your dressing initially, then pull the rug out from under you? Are you the enemy now? Constant suspicion with a smattering of nasty little digs? It's where I am now and it sucks. Vulnerable with no trace of masculinity to hide behind.

What do you mean, no trace of masculinity to hide behind, exactly?

I gather your wife has known less than a year. It's a sign that the two of you aren't taking the more difficult yet healthier course, which is talking it all out the minute that something comes up and someone feels any negative emotion or insecurity. I've experienced this in my own relationship ... sometimes it just seems easier to not talk about the things that are difficult to talk about. Or I tell myself that something must be "all in my mind" and there's no need bothering my SO. But this only serves to create fertile ground where a partner can grow their own "version" of what they think is a motive or what they think is going on, and the longer true feelings are not discussed openly, the more the "filling-in-the-blanks-story" takes on epic proportions. And then things just kinda blow up.

At one point you thought that your wife might be aware of this forum. If she does come in regularly to read random threads, or even if she goes to other forums, it's easy to take someone else's wild fantasy CD ride, or read about TGs who want to transition, and believe that her husband "must" feel this way too.

So you should encourage your wife to join if she hasn't already, she should ask questions if she finds it easier to ask general questions to people that she doesn't know (I've done this too ... I asked many questions here in the beginning in an attempt to understand things, since I felt that my SO was uncomfortable with some of my questions), but more importantly, you should encourage your wife to read threads and ask her to discuss what disturbs her WITH YOU. It's just amazing the things that clear up once they're discussed!

[Shari]

Ginger, you are not alone.
I came out to my wife four years ago and it was the blessing I could never have imagined. She helped pick my clothes, bought things for me, put makeup on me, etc. The sex was off the scale.
Fast forward four years and we're in a strict DADT mode.
We've talked on many occasions and the answer is always the same. She just doesn't like it anymore and doesn't want to see Shari in her bedroom again. She has told me she's jealous of the "other woman" and at one point, Shari suddenly just made her uncomfortable and she will not go there anymore.
Been trying and trying, but it looks like nothing will change back. She's not abusive in any manner, just doesn't want to deal with it any longer.