The others have covered the definition of male mode well, and I agree wholeheartedly with the need to find balance for both of you. Perhaps you already recognize that his need to dress in "female mode" is necessary and probably impossible to fully stifle. But for many of us it is important to exercise the "male mode" frequently as well - though the amount of each varies from person to person and couple to couple.

I find it important to maintain my male mode most of the time, for my wife's sake as well as my own. She married a man and deserves to have one, and not just in bed - even though she knew of my crossdressing long before we wed. I am sensitive to the cues that she considers most important in a man, so I keep my chest and leg hair, and I only wear a nightie to bed on occasion. These cues are important to me as well, as a reminder of the man I am and always will be. At the same time, she is quite comfortable with me entering female mode to varying degrees at various times through the week, satisfying my own innate needs. At these times I may just sit around in a dress, or may go all out with my appearance. On occasion we even go out to eat together or shopping while I am in female mode (also called "dressed en femme").

There's another aspect of this that can be disturbing to some. From what I've learned, some crossdressers seem to drastically change their attitudes and behaviors when dressed, even around the home. I can understand how this might disturb a wife even more, and should be discussed together. Note though that some behavioral adjustments are necessary if the female mode is used outside the home, if only to avoid attracting adverse attention from the public, and that these behaviors must be practiced at times in the home if they are to be performed adequately in public. Again, you and your partner must work together to find an appropriate balance for you both.

Good luck as you work through all this. For most it's certainly not easy.

Miriam