We always seek the right answer but sometimes we need the right question

[Tiffany Grace]

Many friends, who I love and respect, wish to be anatomically correct women, a lovely idea, though I am completely and totally happy in my original birthday suit. Did not always see things that way, though, and dreamed about being a post op, but with regards to my personal journey and what I thought I wanted at certain times I find myself totally happy as a permanent pre-op, or a transwoman. I had to change the question to find the right answer.

My question changed from what is it that I needed (deficiency) to what is it that I truly have? ( supply) And I am happy with what I have.
EXTREMELY HAPPY, I might add

[JenniferR771]

Replying one minute later. You go girl. Accepting yourself is all that really matters.
Jen

[~Joanne~]

I am also happy in my original suit as I am in my dress I am not seeking to go any further than where I am now. I mean, I'd like to be able to walk out the door as either side of myself without hesitation but as far as removing things and such, it's not for me. I am happy as is

[Angela Campbell]

Yes it would be nice to "go all the way" or even part of the way. But alas my situation does not allow for that. I would really like to (I would like to have a new Lexus too) but I am content to go the route I am going now. If I can't be a woman I can at least look like one. It will be a long process but I am confident I will acheive the goal of sometimes being a girl and sometimes being a boy whenever I choose. I guess I do not have the feeling that I have to transform and for that I am very lucky.

[Lady Catherine]

I am absolutely as content being either. Equally happy as either Glen or Catherine. I just wish it was more 50/50.

[MsRenee]

I so agree that I am very happy with my body. Ive never even thought of going thru the change. This is me and its the best of two worlds.hehe
Renee

[reb.femme]

Hi Tiffany,

Yep, happy as it is. I would love to be able to present anywhere in either mode as and when the mood takes me, but that requires the world to change.

Rebecca

[Jorja]

Good for you Tiffany. At least you know where you are at with it all and have found that happy medium. That is what matters.

[kimdl93]

I wholeheartedly agree that one can find happiness in self acceptance. For some that self acceptance may mean accepting the original equipment. Or others that may mean accepting the necessity of making after market improvements in the standard equipment.

[suzy1]

We have something in common then Tiffany.

I happen to think I am perfect. [She said smugly]

Super thread girl. I think we could hit it off and be friends you and I!

[Tiffany Grace]

We have something in common then Tiffany.

I happen to think I am perfect. [She said smugly]

Super thread girl. I think we could hit it off and be friends you and I!

I agree Suzy Thank you for your kind word.

[JenToronto]

Well said. i often feel the same way.

[JennyLynn]

You look happy and perfect as you are. I had to make a couple of minor changes to be happier... lose a couple pounds and more shaving! Accomplished both! Don't change a thing. You're adorable!

[Beverley Sims]

It is pleasing to see so many here happy with their situation.
I am good also. You make the most of what you have.
I have enough of both to keep me well and truly entertained.
I do sympathise with those that can not find true happiness.
Also the title of the thread.
I have quite often asked a question and get the wrong response, sometimes the response answers another question I am about to ask.

[DebbieL]

I'm so glad you have found your point of satisfaction.

For me, I had hope until I was 11 and my testicles dropped. They had been high up inside me, like overies.
My voice started to change, I got too tall for my mother's clothes, I got taller than other girls, I started growing hair.
By the time I was 15, I felt as if there were no going back. It was 1970. The treatment for most transsexuals was electroshock, spike in the head, or lobotomy.
I turned to drugs and booze, and by the time I was 21 I had been misdiagosed with epilepsy (due to the drugs) and ended up in a psych ward - where I was NOT ALLOWED to talk about wanting to be a girl.
I had tried to commit suicide so many times I lost count - at one point, twice a week, drug overdoses, walking in the middle of the street in the dark, swimming in frozen pools of Cherry Creek, sitting in the snow wearing nothing but a T-shirt and jeans until I fell asleep....
Most of the time, people had no idea how self destructive I actually was. The drugs also created many black-outs where Rex would simply "go to sleep" and Debbie would take over. Sometimes she was a ****, sometimes she was an emasculating bitch, venting all her anger toward the violence done to her by males of so many ages - exposing the anger and violence of males in front of their female companions. There were times when Debbie would have everyone in the bar, club, party - ready to kill her and all her friends - yet it was still Rex's body. I grew my hair long, it grew in with beautiful waves. Many people thought I had had it permed.

Eventually, at 21, I had reached the point where drugs and boost had taken their toll. I tried to quit and would relapse somewhere between 3 and 6 months for another 3 years. Then I took my last drink/drug in may of 1980, started taking the 12 step program seriously. I ended up doing the 12 steps and shared my inventory with a sponsor - who actually gave me support - for the first time in my life. He suggested that I get honest with my girl-friend, which I did.

Short version of the story is that I was able to enjoy being a cross-dresser with the woman who became my wife - even until a few weeks after the marriage. Once she got pregnant, she didn't want me dressing, didn't want sex, I felt more trapped than ever. Several years later, we were divorced. By then I had found another sponsor who helped me come out. He encouraged me to start going out in public. He encouraged me to tell others. He even introduced me to women who were very interested in Debbie. He even encouraged me to accept the offer of a gender therapist, who gave me more assignments. I was on my way to transition.

Then my ex-wife told me that if I continued, she would make sure I never saw the kids again - and showed me the letter that would make it happen, or a copy of the original. So I stopped.the transition. It was a waste, soon she stopped the visitation anyway, I moved east where I could find a more TS friendly environment - and didn't see them again for 3 years, after that it was a few 2 hour visits every 2-3 years.

I went to a therapist who tried to get me to accept my birth gender rather than transition, I went to leadership program where I had to conform to birth gender. I realized I couldn't do it, there were too many consequences, weight gain, health problems, and more. By denying my true self, I went from 160 lbs and size 12 to over 325. I had a heart attack and a stroke.

If I had a few million dollars, enough to assure that all aspects of a proper transition were paid for, and enough income to assure that I would not have to fear losing my job, I'd transition in a heart beat.
The problem at this point is that I'm 57 years old, I'll never be the young and beautiful woman I had always wanted to be. At best I'd be a nice looking old lady, and I'd have to dress for my age.

The temptation of suicide, all those years ago, and even today, is that I don't know what might happen after death. Could I be reincarnated into a girls body? If I went to heaven would I get a girl's body?
The thought of spending eternity trapped in a man's body wishing I was a woman is the one thing that I worry about - that would be hell, my punishment for trying to take my own life.
I have had dreams about being a girl in the back seat of a blue convertible, wearing a blue party dress with a full skirt and tight bodice, making love to my boyfriend, then he gets hit over the head and I get strangled to death.
I had known the pleasures of being a girl, but not the difficulties of being a woman in the 1950s.

[Eryn]

I've pondered the question of transition and my conclusion is that, as a perfectionist, I would never be completely satisfied with the results. My sexuality is neuter en femme as I have no interest in men so for someone in my position it is better to remain a fully functional man and embrace my imperfections as a woman.

[Tiffany Grace]

Hi Debbie
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. I am humbled by your difficulties and challenges.