Confused...

[GaleWarning]

I think it is all about choice.

Males have fewer clothing options than females, both in terms of material of manufacture and variety of mixing and matching.

Shirts and polos vs a huge variety of blouses, camis, dresses etc; also boring colours vs vibrant colours.
Trousers vs capris, skirts, leggings ... again in boring colours vs vibrant colours.
Socks vs a huge range of hosiery options!
Men's shoes vs the whole wonderful range of women's footware!

For me, it's not a question of being or feeling or trying to emulate a feminine person (my character is androgynous).
For me it's about freedom to wear whatever I feel like wearing to suit my present mood.
Most of the time, this just can't happen!

[Wildaboutheels]

Do I try, need or want to be Feminine when I put on some of the "wrong stuff"?

NO. Never in 50 plus years. And no matter how many folks may chime in to say, that's not possible, it won't change anything. It's simply birds and bees 101 for the vast majority of CDers who ARE men. It's no coincidence. And... according to many reports here, there are many other CD sites with an entirely different flavor than this one. Of course I seriously doubt, that most of the men on those other sites have ever felt any shame or guilt but I am also guessing they have zero interest in wearing any female articles of clothing out in public.

Many/most here started out "that way" and kept going and MOST all are surprised how far they have come.

A theme commonly tossed about here on a frequent basis is SRG. Shame, Regret and Guilt. Depending on the level of SRG, is it not a possibility if not LIKELY for some CDers to "progress" as a means of dealing with it? To "progress" into Femininity? The mind can and WILL do all kinds of things to cope with inner turmoil. Why would CDing be any different than anything else?

Essentially for some of us, it's simply clothing.

[adrienner99]

I once asked GGs here, "What is femininity," and NONE of them mentioned dresses, high heels, perfume, etc. They all mentioned compassion, gentleness, selflessness, strength, confidence, nurturing, etc.

Practically all CDers are compassionate, helpful, generous, kind, etc. in my limited opinion. But for me, femininity, is absolutely, most definitly, without question about the outfit.

[Pauline52]

I, being a furniture maker and owning my own business have discovered a different aspect of cross dressing. During the day I am a man and at night I am a crossdresser that is out to those that know me. What a releif, most of my clients are women, and don't feel threatened by a crossdresser. That being said, My business has improved 100% and my life is much easier to deal with, to some of their husbands I have opened some doors for them by breaking the ice for them. Now they thank me for opening the doors that wearing panties and all that nice stuff is alright. There are more pantie wearers in the world than we think. Most men don't think that I am a threat to their relationships and also love my furniture I build for their wives. EVERY ONE IS HAPPY!!!!!!!

[kimdl93]

I puzzled over this question for a while. I agree with those who point out that there are perhaps as many reasons for choosing to dress as there are CDrs. Certainly, emulating women is the motivation for CDrs. And for others, wearing women's clothing simply harmonizes the contents with the cover. But I truly think that the difference is a matter of degree and not kind.

I know im not in the same category as your husband, but for the record, I'm not into frilly, Barbie doll styles. I grew up around practical women who often wore pants and reserved make up, nail polish and jewelry for special occasions. I live and dress the same way.

[Alberta_Pat]

I thank You for asking the question.

You have received many answers, and each one is valid for the person who gave it. I, personally, am comfortable in the garments produced for both men and women. Clothing is simply clothing.

I enjoy taking the time to portray a woman. It is a comfort to me, even though it is something that happens once a month or so. I do not "feel" a difference in myself regardless of the clothing I am wearing. I am simply Me, and that is all I wish to be.

One thing concerns me as I read this thread though.


This is your "user name". The name "Door Mat" suggests that you feel used, and that you are not "worthy". If this is so, please KNOW that YOU are a valuable person.

[GeminaRenee]

I've been thinking about this since my first reply... isn't to say that compassion, nurturing, sensitivity, etc. are feminine traits just a bit chauvinistic? You know, women = housewives = mothers = nurturing, sensitive, great at decorating, and so forth? Meanwhile, men are not supposed to be any of those things, and when they are, they often find themselves taking a jape or two from other men for their supposed weakness.

Meanwhile, I think about the men I know, and if I'm fair - plenty of them have some or more of these ostensibly feminine characteristics. Yet, I doubt that too many of them share my love for slingback pumps. So why do women have a monopoly on this set of traits? And in all actuality, if you're honest about it - you have to admit that some women are very much lacking in terms of these qualities.

Wouldn't it be more fair to say that all of those traits are simply human, and that both men or women may possess them?

[Cheryl T]

You bring up so me interesting points...
First of all, for me this is not an "urge" it is a NEED. The need to express a part of my being that is hidden from view most of the time and by 'dressing' reaches it's full expression, not only for me but for those that see me.

Why do we use clothing to express this...well it would be quite difficult for a nudist to express it without just seeming to be gay. The vocalizations, mannerisms and such would only make him appear effeminate, not appear as a woman which is the intent we have.

As for the "Barbie Doll" image...true, for some that is the path they choose. I'm sure for many if not most it was a path we have walked at some point owing to the presentation of femininity by society as either "Barbie" or sex kitten. Sex sells, just look at any magazine. As for the ultra feminine styling it is promoted even by the women's fashion magazines such as Marie Claire. Look at ads from Macy's, Nordstrom's, Lord & Taylor, Bloomingdale's just to mention a few and what you see is predominantly high fashion.
I know I began with those images in my mind. Wanting to emulate the sexy women of Playboy or the runway. Over time though that was replaced with my own view.
If you traced the timeline you would see "Barbie" at the beginning and your average woman now. Certainly on a Friday or Saturday night if I'm going to an nice restaurant I'm going to wear my most feminine lingerie, zip up a pretty (and slightly sexy) dress and step into my highest heels. But the rest of the week you would find me in a tank top and shorts/capris (in summer), a t-shirt and jeans with sneakers or flats most other times. My hair might be a bit messy or in a pony tail and I certainly don't resemble "Barbie" at all.

Over the years I have grown in my femininity, just as most women have. The prom dresses are gone, the pretty dresses hang waiting for a special occasion to doll up, and my everyday clothing fills my drawers and the laundry hamper. I too can feel equally feminine in plumbers pants as a nice skirt and blouse and I wear what is appropriate for the occasion, but then doesn't every woman do that?? Don't most women enjoy feeling sexy and ultra feminine now and then, yet not relinquish all those feelings simply because they've donned blues jeans?
So how am I different?

Yes, this humble girl does REALLY feel feminine inside. It's not the act of dressing that makes me feel that way, the act of dressing allows others to see how I feel.
It's not about the clothing anymore than my car is needed for me to love driving....

[Jenniferathome]

Hi DM,

I don't know know about the sex maniac comment, because for me, dressing has nothing to do with sex, but I certainly have a thing for "girly clothing." I do not think we crossdressers, in general, are hiding behind a word like femininity, in order to wear women's clothing. The clothing is simply an outward expression. Most crossdressers prefer skirts and dresses to pants and t-shirts because femininity is an archetype or even an ideal that we identify with clothing, long hair, makeup, etc. we dress and then behave slightly more feminine.

So something bothers me about your sex maniac comment. I am not insulted, just worried about you and your situation. It seems so out of left field, so to say. Please know that us "normal" crossdressers (yes, I still find that funny to write) dress as a stress relief valve or as an outward expression of a part of us we no longer want to hide, but sex is not part of it. That is for the fetish dresser and I have no experience with that. I do realize that you have even less experience. Is this what your husband is showing you?

[~Joanne~]

I am confused

That's makes two of us, amongst many of us. As crossdressers, some of us are confused as to why we have this desire, or need, to dress or present as women when we know that we are not trying to become a woman. We are confused as to why our choice of clothing is such a big deal when women have unlimited freedom to be who they want, dress as they want, work as they want, say what they want, and act as they want while we are treated as less than human beings and pigeonholed holed into what everyone thinks a man is.

I am confused as to why I have these desires, why I feel as I do, why every time I try to ditch the whole thing, it comes back ten fold. I am confused as to why my SO has had no problems accepting or supporting this what so ever ( though the answer may be because she loves me THAT much that outer appearances do not matter ) I am also confused as to why the greatest scientist and researchers are just as confused as I am about all of it. I am confused as to why they haven't found an answer or made a pill to make millions and "cure" us all.

What really confuses me is to why your here. You seem to be neither accepting nor supportive of your SO and frown down on us, as a community, at every chance you get. This sentence says it in spades:

So does the humble, ordinary CD REALLY feel feminine inside, or do you just say this so that people won't assume you're sex maniacs

I am confused as to why you are trying to lump us all as sex maniacs or make such a bold statement about us in general. Yes, for some, this is a fetish. Nothing wrong with it but it is purely for sexual gratification. For Myself, and others like me, it is not and I am confused as to why it isn't.

I am confused as to how my outlook on life has done a 360 with all of this. I am confused at the inner peace I feel when dressed but the feeling of something missing when I am not. I am confused because transition isn't my goal and I am extremely happy with where things are currently.

I am confused as to why I can't live my life as I see fit without others constantly passing judgement as if they have the sole right or thinking they have the answers when everyone else doesn't.

I am confused too.

[Taylor186]

[SIZE="3"]Isn't this just another way of asking the unanswerable question, "Why do some men feel the need to crossdress?"

There are plenty of men out there who score high on compassion, helping and nurturing, and have no desire whatsoever to crossdress, and are not considered feminine. On the flip side, I know many natal women who do not score high on those traits and are still considered feminine. A correlation with femininity? Not so much in the 21st century.[/SIZE]

[GondorRachel]

For me personally, I like to think of it is a cosplaying a fictional woman named Rachel. I enjoy wearing costumes, both male and female ones. When cosplayers don a true costume (not for halloween) I think they adopt many of the personality aspects of that character (whatever those may be). It is part performance, part self-expression. Why I do it? I would say that I have a lot of these personality traits and I want a vehicle to amplify those aspects for a while. I don't dress in order to perform (dance monkey dance!), but I end up performing none the less. Wearing women's clothing allows my feminine side to project and many people seem to perceive a woman rather than an effeminate guy (at least my friends pretend to out of politeness). That is where I am now. Did it start out as a sexual thing, yeah, but I get so much more out of it now.

[justmetoo]

Wouldn't it be more fair to say that all of those traits are simply human, and that both men or women may possess them?

Yes, How are the traits people have mentioned (compassion, etc.) any more or less feminine (or masculine) than certain items of clothing and personal adornment? I think it's more to the point to ask what "femininity" (or "masculinity") is. I'm not sure there is one single "true" answer to that. A lot of it is culturally defined. The cultures most of us live in define femininty/masculinity by certain traits, as well as clothing, activities, etc. But many of the same or very similar traits, clothing, activities, etc., are defined the opposite way in other cultures or times. The better case is when they are defined as suitable for everyone. It would be great if we all (CD's, GG's, etc.) were free to be ourselves and express ourselves as we see fit (barring the harming of others - I'm not talking about the kind of "harm" that others feel because they don't agree with or apporve of our self-expression.)

When it comes down to it we are all (CD's, GG's, etc.) individuals. We are all human beings. And we all fall somewhere along various spectrums. Very little outside of mathematics is strictly binary. Some come close enough to one end or the other of a spectrum to "pass" as fitting the strict binary, but many do not.

[Foxglove]

Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone?

Because these traits aren't feminine--they're human. The notion that men aren't compassionate, don't help other people, don't nurture others is just a common prejudice these days. If you take a look at men, it won't be hard to see them doing these things.

E.g., helping other people: firemen, doctors, medical researchers, paramedics, teachers, inventors, rescue teams, mechanics, repairmen, furniture movers, construction workers, computer programmers, architects, engineers, etc., and every man who does "housework"--cutting the grass, doing repairs, maintaining the cars, painting, etc., etc.

You can fill in the rest.

[ReineD]

Do I try, need or want to be Feminine when I put on some of the "wrong stuff"?

NO. Never in 50 plus years. And no matter how many folks may chime in to say, that's not possible, it won't change anything. It's simply birds and bees 101 for the vast majority of CDers who ARE men.

If most (many?) CDers feel like you do, then I must admit I'm at a loss too, like DM. I'm not disbelieving you, though. I guess I don't understand why, if a CDer does not want to feel feminine, he dresses himself up as femininely as possible, down to the wigs, breast forms, makeup, etc, and then says that women who don't wear skirts and makeup are NOT feminine. Doesn't dressing in a feminine manner make people feel feminine? I think I remember a thread a while back asking members to what degree they dress and very few (if memory serves) said it's just a few items of clothing and nothing else.

And... according to many reports here, there are many other CD sites with an entirely different flavor than this one. Of course I seriously doubt, that most of the men on those other sites have ever felt any shame or guilt but I am also guessing they have zero interest in wearing any female articles of clothing out in public.

I'm curious, what sort of things to they talk about on these other sites? Do the members on those sites wear regular GG clothes or do they wear the sexier variety (lingerie, short skirts, fishnets, stilettos, etc), and do they not wear wigs, makeup, and forms?

[AllyCDTV]

Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone? . . .do you just say this so that people won't assume you're sex maniacs, when really you've just got a thing for girly clothing?

Compassion, helping another person and nurturing someone sound like human traits to me that have nothing to do with masculinity or femininity. I can only speak for myself regarding being assumed to be a sex maniac but as far as I'm concerned, I don't really give a damn what people who I don't know and don't really care about me, assume about me. For me, it is real simple, I like the way I look when I'm dressed and the feel of a skirt or dress on occasion as oppose to always having to wear pant in my guy mode.

[DonniDarkness]

Here's my confusion: why do you use clothing to fulfil this urge? Is this not the magazine-model, Barbie doll version of feminine? Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone? What on earth do painted nails, long hair and flouncy skirts have to do with femininity? I mean, I hear of people 'aligning' their physical appearance to how they feel inside, but really, I find that hard to swallow. Women can feel equally feminine in plumbing pants as they do in flouncy skirts.

Femininity isn't an outfit!

So does the humble, ordinary CD REALLY feel feminine inside, or do you just say this so that people won't assume you're sex maniacs, when really you've just got a thing for girly clothing?

There are quite a few questions here so im going to try and answer them from my experience, understand im not speaking for everyone or trying to pick your post apart.

Your first question: why do you use clothing to fulfil this urge?

The "urge"...I take it you mean this in a non-sexual context. The need comes from having a partial female identity. No matter male we are as CD's there is some level of a female identity there or else we would be using male attire to convey or express our identities/fantasies as such...ie Capt Jack Sparrow....or Neo from the Matrix...

Second question: Is this not the magazine-model, Barbie doll version of feminine?

Yes, we are male. Our perspective of femininity is a visual perspective. Our femme identities reflect this fact. Much in the same way a Drag queens femme identity is a character based on the illusion of stereotypical femininity. We are essentially the same in that manner of speaking, although we identify as male, our femme persona is based on what we visually are attracted(non-sexual context) to. Female Beauty from a male perspective is very powerful to us. To our perspective it holds an empowerment over masculinity.

Third question: Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone?

We do. Many of us are fathers, loving husbands, and homemakers. Compassion and Nurturing are not solely a female trait, men can be these as well. It is not a stereotypical view of masculinity though. Many of us come here or have support circles geared toward helping others like ourselves.

Fourth question: What on earth do painted nails, long hair and flouncy skirts have to do with femininity?

Its our internal perspective of visual femininity. These objects of clothing or visual symbols of femininity are a way for us to express to others that we feel femme-male internally. Its how we outwardly express our internal identity to others.

Fifth question: So does the humble, ordinary CD REALLY feel feminine inside, or do you just say this so that people won't assume you're sex maniacs, when really you've just got a thing for girly clothing?

I do. I am male, but i do have a soft side to my masculinity that i personally express thru my femme identity. I am also a sexual being, my gender expression and sexuality are quite comfortable with each other. Lots of different aspects of human sexuality are closely tied with visual, emotional, and sensual(touch,feel and smell). The clothing is a way for us to express our gender fluctuation as much as it is a way for us to empower ourselves as sexual beings, no matter which ray of sunshine your sexuality hails from. Personally i find it pleasant to be assumed as a sex maniac, Ive never understood why this was so derogatory. Sexuality is part of humanity. I dont understand the negativity behind the assumption though, so maybe im biased through ignorance.


From me:

Most of us realize that there is much, much more to femininity than just being pretty.
Much in the same way you feel there is much more to being masculine than just being hairy and muscle bound. Crossdressing is just a way for men to convey their internal/mental identities in the middle ground of the gender binary.

Great questions DM,
-Donni-

[Eryn]

I think that a lot of the attraction to feminine clothing and makeup is the fact that they are totally denied to males. You say that they have nothing to do with your personal sense of femininity but that does not mean that they mean nothing to other GGs. Makeup and nail polish are a pain to apply and to keep looking nice, yet a lot of GGs voluntarily wear them for some reason.

Now, as for myself, I really have no idea of what femininity is. I don't even know what masculinity is! I do admire the female ability to express themselves freely and the most obvious manifestation of that is through clothing and makeup. As I move about more en femme I'm learning that there is a lot more to feminine expression than the obvious and I'm enjoying the learning experience. Women interact in more varied and open ways and at a deeper level than men do. The "Marlboro Man" demeanor that men are supposed to maintain is a prison of both expression and social intimacy with others. I've been given a parole from that prison and I intend to make the most of it.

[Tara D. Rose]

...Anyway, I read alot here about the "urge" to dress and feel feminine.

Yes, some of us do get the urge to dress in women's clothes.

...Here's my confusion: why do you use clothing to fulfil this urge? ....

This question creates an oxymoron from the previous sentence. It's like saying our knee itches so we scratch it, then why do we scratch our knee when it itches? You say "you can feel equally feminine in plumbing pants as they do in flouncy skirts".
But, if you were a F to M CD, and had a desire to feel masculine, would you feel masculine in a dress and heels?

I've been thinking about this since my first reply... isn't to say that compassion, nurturing, sensitivity, etc. are feminine traits just a bit chauvinistic? You know, women = housewives = mothers = nurturing, sensitive, great at decorating, and so forth? Meanwhile, men are not supposed to be any of those things, and when they are, they often find themselves taking a jape or two from other men for their supposed weakness.

Meanwhile, I think about the men I know, and if I'm fair - plenty of them have some or more of these ostensibly feminine characteristics. Yet, I doubt that too many of them share my love for slingback pumps. So why do women have a monopoly on this set of traits? And in all actuality, if you're honest about it - you have to admit that some women are very much lacking in terms of these qualities.

Wouldn't it be more fair to say that all of those traits are simply human, and that both men or women may possess them?

Amen to all that you have said here. It's really time for totally equality across the board.

Because these traits aren't feminine--they're human. The notion that men aren't compassionate, don't help other people, don't nurture others is just a common prejudice these days. If you take a look at men, it won't be hard to see them doing these things.

E.g., helping other people: firemen, doctors, medical researchers, paramedics, teachers, inventors, rescue teams, mechanics, repairmen, furniture movers, construction workers, computer programmers, architects, engineers, etc., and every man who does "housework"--cutting the grass, doing repairs, maintaining the cars, painting, etc., etc.

You can fill in the rest.

You have also hit the nail on the head. Why does it seem like there is a monopoly on certain traits claimed by one gender or the other? Right now, my imagination is running wild and into overload, like John Lennon's song Imagine. Imagine a society, where ALL traits, emotions, clothes, and activities become no longer those of masculinity or femininity, then masculinity and femininity will then become nonexistent and obsolete.

Though that will never happen, it would be such a sad world that way, for I feel that masculinity and femininity do complement each other and has balance. For all genders to equally share all traits may sound good for all people, but somewhere along the line we have to stop the breaking down of masculinity and femininity, for it may sound like a positive thing and good for a while, but you can have only so much positive and good until it becomes negative and bad. But in reality and in the real world, there are some things that will always be feminine and masculine and I like that. But feelings, emotions, sensitiveness, compassion, caring, etc, belong to humans regardless of gender.

[Soriya]

Why do you use clothing to fulfil this urge?
Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone?
What on earth do painted nails, long hair and flouncy skirts have to do with femininity?
Women can feel equally feminine in plumbing pants as they do in flouncy skirts.
Femininity isn't an outfit!
So does the humble, ordinary CD REALLY feel feminine inside,

Hi DM.

I love the questions you ask and quoted the direct questions you asked so I can share my experience and discovery of myself as to why this was the case for 'me'.

Why not surround yourself with feminine energy, do something compassionate, help another person, nurture someone? : Excellent questions. For me, these attributes are natural to me however by expressing those natural emotions that are part of me led to mass amounts of pain through my teenage years. I was bullied very badly because of 'being myself' with these emotions. I was taught by others that these emotions are 'female' and not found in males. Men don't cry, feel empathy, compassion, and so forth in this manner (this is what I believed because of what others said). I subconsciously associated core elements of my personality as 'female' based off what I learned from other people.

What on earth do painted nails, long hair and flouncy skirts have to do with femininity?: For me, it had everything to do with it. Because I subconsciously believed cores pieces of my personality were 'feminine' and because I was inadvertently introduced to 'feminine' clothing at a much younger age well before my belief of my emotions were 'feminine', I subconsciously turned to cross-dressing to feel my natural emotions I believed to be female.

Why do you use clothing to fulfill this urge? : CD'ing was an 'urge' to me because I spent most of my life since my teens trying to suppress the elements of my personality I believed to be 'female'. The longer the gap between dressing, the stronger the 'urge' was for me to CD so I could feel those core elements of my personality I was trying to suppress. Trying to suppress a natural part of oneself is futile. It can't be done IMO and will manifest itself in some other way. For me that was CD'ing because of all the above I have typed. This is why I went through the 'purging' episodes to only go back years later due to the massive 'Urges'. It was never CD'ing I was trying to purge, it was those perceived 'feminine' elements of my personality. On the outside it looked like the typical purging to only go back cycle just about every CD has experienced.

Women can feel equally feminine in plumbing pants as they do in flouncy skirts: I love this point. With the 'ordinary' CD as you described, why is the ratio of MtF CD's so much larger then say FtM CD's? The forums here depict this. The FtM CD section has very few female CD's compared to the masses of male CD's. I personally feel the actual ratio in the world is around 50/50. In general, just about any GG can 'dress down' so to speak with no makeup, hair back or even cut short, jeans, work boots, whatever and largely go unnoticed in society. Perhaps women who have more 'manly' emotions don't face as much pressure as men who have 'feminine' emotions that society teaches as 'feminine'. Ordinary women like this don't have to hide, they can walk out into society and generally be accepted without a second thought no matter how they dress.

Just some food for thought for you. Hope it helps in some way.

[LunaDarling]

first off assuming that cding has anything to do with being a sex maniac is retarded. so is assuming that just because we want to feel feminine by wearing womans clothes means that we dont also practice feminine actions or embrace feminine energy. girls dont have to wear girly clothes, but they do, because they like it. for some reason they are just naturally attracted to it. same for us! has nothing to do with sex. not for me anyways. i didnt choose to feel this way, nor did i develop these urges. feeling feminine in plumber pants probably comes really easy to women, because you are a woman. shit, i can feel masculine in a dress, cus im a dude!

[Moxie]

Hi all. Thanks for the response!

Anyway, I still have much to read through but I thought I'd better clarify something quickly now as what I wrote obviously read wrong.

I wasn't calling or suggesting anyone was a sex maniac. In fact, it was meant to suggest that the average CDer might say he 'felt feminine' to AVOID being called a sex maniac because you're NOT that, yet Joe Public sees a man in a dress and immediately thinks he's kinky. I was actually trying to figure out whether some of you (like my husband) said you felt feminine to avoid the sex comments because that's not what it's about, yet it's also not about femininity; it's just about the clothes.

But I can see how that might read wrong, and I'm sorry.

[Moxie]

Second quick reply, and food for thought for those who answered...

A few here picked up on the cliche feminine traits I wrote and honestly, if I hadn't been (still am!) so confused I'd have cringed too! Yes, anyone can be compassionate, nurturing etc and many men are. I just needed to make an obvious point for my question.

But, given all that, I am still confused: Why not just be feminine men? If women alone don't represent femininity, then why bother looking like one at all, if you are NOT a woman inside. Why not help the movement to allow men more freedom of expression by actually looking like men?

Surely, emulating women as though we DO own the right to femininity is in fact taking men's rights backwards??

[susan54]

This is an interesting slant on a recurrent theme. I am a cross-dresser, and get no sexual kick out of it. I do get a 'buzz' from it, and going out and ACTING as a woman and getting feedback, though the buzz declines with familiarity. Lots of people get a buzz from acting, it is just that my stage is different. Though I love being praised for my womanly walk or my outfit or being called "she" that is feedback on my acting skills and my taste in clothing - at no point do I imagine I am a woman.

My clothes are womanly, elegant, and sometimes expensive. I have had my colours and style done, so that I do this as well as I possibly can. Everyone who likes clothes wants to look as good as possible in them. I don't like pink or frills, or Kath Kitson prints.

Some women almost lust after certain clothes. Are they sexually motivated? Perhaps the wide choice of styles and fabric in womenswear has an attraction that is gender independent. At home I don't wear a wig (ever) and my only make up is a very rare application of lipstick - because I quite like th feel of it on my lips. I always wear a bra and forms with the clothes (and the clothes are never trousers) which is more difficult to explain to myself. Yes, it makes the clothes look better because they were made for this shape, but I admit I like the feel of a bra and boobs.

If I could wear all the clothes (without the bra and forms) as a man, get feedback on how I look,and have my skirt blow in the wind and hear my heels clicking on the pavement, that would go at least 95% of the way to meeting my needs. I would not have to walk like a woman or wear a wig, but neither would I swagger like I do in a kilt - clothes alter the way you move - women often walk more elegantly in a skirt than trousers.

It is not about being feminine. It is about the clothes and looking good in them. Women tell me I look better in skirts and dresses (even as a man) than I do in menswear - maybe some people are a better shape for skirts and dresses, irrespective of gender? Again, this is about clothes more than gender.

When I go out (more and more rarely now) I wear make up and a wig, and behave (and speak) in a womanly way that seems to work. It is interesting to be in this place, but I am just a gender tourist. I love dressing like the locals, smelling like them, acting like them, and love to be taken for one. But I never want to move there permanently or become a citizen.

Women's clothes are FUN. Fun to put together an outfit, and fun to wear. Maybe it is as simple as that.

[Moxie]

Women's clothes are FUN. Fun to put together an outfit, and fun to wear. Maybe it is as simple as that.

You know, I think this is what I don't read much about here but what my H alwsys says. "it's fun!"

So you really can CD without feeling feminine which means it's not ALWAYS some big deep and meaningful experience and can just be about the clothes.

I still don't get those who do feel feminine yet dress like women. I guess a part of me feels sad that men can't just be who they are without a costume.