For those of you who have children, at what age did you stop CDing around them? If you ever started (or ever stopped). I have the next couple days off and will be watching my 15 month old son, and am curious to know everyone's experiences with this.
Thanks.
I wouldn't do it at all around a child that age, but it's your call.Originally Posted by julie08
This has always been a difficult question to answer and there have been some very different views put out by members here.
I have my own feelings on this based on what I have seen myself.
It seems fine to dress in front of pre-school age children. They don’t bat an eyelid over that or anything. They have nothing to compare it to so to them it’s normal and fine.
Then they go to school and things change. Now their school mates [And their school mates parents!] get to know that ‘their dad walks around in a dress’
So the ridicule and bullying begins.
I wouldn’t put my children through that for anything. Children always come first.
I wouldn't do it with my children at any age. If we can't or won't control our need or urge to dress in private I'd say we've got a problem. My thoughts are unless you are heading for transition the dressing should be private. It's selfish to push or press to expose small children to things they can't possibly understand. I would fear long term harm to their socialization. I know that cross dressing isn't just sexual or in some cases sexual at all. But it hits to close to exposing children to your private sex life with the child's mother. I would never have been so selfish to even consider it. And to me, it is a selfish act and I don't care how you sugar coat it.
absolutely ->agree 100%!
Contrary to opinions you will get in the negative, the simple fact is that that the younger the child, the easier it is for them to accept and adjust to any circumstance. The question for you is, are you prepared to have your kid out you? 15 months is safe now, but there will be a time, soon, that they tell their friends, your wife, teachers, you name it. They can't keep this secret. If you want to keep this secret, then you can't dress in front of the kids. It's pretty simple.
Bottom line is that it will not scar the kids.
My wife and I went out to meet another couple with our 1 month old because there really isn't an option for child care at that age. I don't think I'd do it after she's 6-9 months old at most, but that's just me. I certainly don't do it around my 4 year old. While I'm sure she'd have no issues with it I don't want to put her, my wife, or me into any awkward situations since I can't be totally open about my CDing. It's a fine line to walk since I'm doing everything I can to be open and honest with the kids and to teach them to do the same, but I plan to walk it for as long as I can.
For you, it depends on your specific situation. Is CDing something that will always be out in the open for you? When he starts talking, what will a word about daddy wearing dresses do in certain situations?
Good luck,
Bree
Not being a psychologist, this could all be garbage. (Of course I'm not sure what one gets out of a psychologist is any better) But is an under two trip hazard really that impressionable as far as CD's are concerned? Do they really understand the concept? Or is the "concept" early social molding? If in 20 years, and if it is acceptable and widespread as - shall we say women showing thier ankles
, will CD's be a damaging factor to kids development still? If it was that big of an item then halloween costumes of all forms should, worn by anyone, be a mind bending detriment to a wee one.
I happened to be babysitting my graddaughter ( 18 mo.) the other day. I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on, of all places, my lap. I was looking over older pictures of Stephanie and had to get up to answer the phone. So I put the laptop down. As I was coming back into the living room the munchkin was looking at the screen pointing and saying "Nana". ( Thats my wifes nickname to the grandkids. I'm Papa). Now, I know they say couples start looking alike when the get older, but really..
So curiosity asks "Just what is relative to children, and at what age?" Is what they see really what they see?
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
― Confucius
All my kids (24, 13, 11) know I crossdress. I generally don't do it when they are home, but every morning they see me up wearing a red nighty under a full length night dress, just no forms or wig. They accept and just dont care.
My wife felt it was OK for me to be around ours up to the 6-9 mo. range. I didn't want to, but she just needed me to be there for a few minutes here or there. She thought I was silly to worry about it, but, after that age, we agreed it's a no no. I would say 15 mos. is a tad old if you're keeping it secret.
"I want you all to call me Loretta." - The Life of Brian
The 2 children that my late wife and I had did not know that I was crossdresser until just a few years ago, after my dear wife had passed away! They have never seen me dressed enfemme and don't want to. Which is fine by me! Of course I am frequently underdressed when around them, but they don't see that. They are both in their 50's!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
The difference between a part time crossdresser and someone transitioning is the CDer doesn't have to tell the kids, but the transitioner must tell the kids. In the larger scheme of your life, hiding your CDing is just telling yourself and every one you hide from that what you are doing is wrong. You are basically telling your kids that crossdressing is wrong. My youngest son was in the 3rd grade when he announced to his classmates that I painted my fingernails. He was in the 8th grade when I came home from a day volunteering at Southern Comfort Conference, walked into the house fully enfemme right in front of his high school science classmate, who had also been one of his friends in Cub Scouts when I was a Den Leader. He has been telling his friends at his new school that I dress, and they think it is cool.
My older son is a closeted crossdresser and is still uncomfortable with it and hence himself. I waited too long to be out in life for him.
weeelll...
I was full time when our first was born. She was around 3 when I transitioned back - that was one of the issues when my wife asked me to be the man in her life again - she was not thrilled when our daughter called me "Mommy" as well as her. Small dropped hints to our daughter many years later and she has no remembrance of me or an "aunt" or another woman living with us when she was young (and all photos were lost in a house fire a few years back). When I had my surgery in 92 and wore skirts for about 4 months she was embarrassed a bit I think (she never did say anything) but she didn't bring any friends over during that time either...
Jenn
My son is 21 months old now, and he has seen me occasionally as Karen from the time he was about 6 months old. I don't hang around the house with him around, but he has seen me on my way out to some social event or support group meeting. I think 15 months is OK, but much older than he is now and I'll start to be a little leery of it. Not because I'm afraid he'll be confused or something, but because he's getting to the age where he might say something about it. Eventually my wife and I want to tell him about it, but we're trying to decide the best age for that. We have the same concerns as everyone else here, below a certain age they can't understand why to keep quiet about it, and above a certain age they may feel betrayed at the secrecy.
Children are very impressional at that age. I would be very careful.
I know enough to know I don't know enough.
Peace
I agree completely. My daughter has seen me since age 5 and been in public with me since Halloween in Chicago at age 6.Dad is still Dad no matter the "outfit". There is nothing better than a little girl helping you hang up your clothes and ask you"is there anything I can wear?" She has already told anyone she chose to or not and there have been no repercussions. Some people on here are afraid to get dressed in front of their dog!
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Personally never have and never will, accept for a costume event or some other socially acceptable time. I don't have the same desires that many have, though, I'm more than happy doing this privately. Like everyone else said, this is not a secret I would aks them to keep either.
I disagree completely. You're risking lasting emotional and psychological damage to the child.
Is it really worth it?
How do you know so much from your closet?
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Moderator caution: Be respectful to each other.
As one who prefers scientific evidence to off-the-cuff opinionating, I find it helpful to read the research. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of published research on the question of effects of transgendered parents on children. However, what there is seems to indicate that as long as a parent's transgenderism isn't a point of conflict with his/her spouse and as long as a parent doesn't place an unfair burden of family secrecy on a child, there's no harm to children. And yes, the younger a child finds out, the easier time they have adjusting.
If you don't have a university library handy, Google scholar is your friend.
Working from my/our experiences with our daughter, I challenge each and every one to try and think on your first "remembrance". How old were you that you "remember" what ever it was. I'm guessing between 4 and 6. You may have vague memories for a year or two prior, but I'll bet all you might remember is a toy or some other item and not a person or event (unless traumatic). My reasoning for this line of thought is that I'll bet your a lot safer than you think in the long run. Yes a 3 year old child may say something at the time (remember, Kids say the darnedest things) but I'll bet your safe when it comes to the memory dept.
just my 6 cents...
Jenn
We have 4 kids. 18, 14 & 3yo B/G twins. My hubby has dressed in front of the twins but my older girls do not know. I only found out about 3 months ago. Since my boy twin is surround by girls he likes to dress up in the girls princess outfits sometimes. Granted he has his sword and fights off bad guys in a Belle dress. (: My hubby will then go get dressed and play along with them. We all wear cheap crazy wigs (except hubby wears his nice one) and its fun for all. Now the older they get they will start talking, but it's a choice you decide to make. My older girls can't tell you a thing that happened before they started school.
I believe that if the family relationships are strong and open, if the transgendered member is confident about themselves and the wife is in agreement, then the chances are that the kids will accept and live with it with more positive effects than negative ones. Yes, they may have to endure some awkward moments as they grow up. Being TS versus CD/TG is a different situation, but the end results are the same. All the arguments used here have also been used regarding same sex relationships and marriages when children are involved. Now, if one is ashamed and unsure with what they are doing and if the SO/spouse is not on board, then there are bigger problems to deal with. Think of the kids today that grow up in broken families, with Mom or Dad being alcoholics, drug users, or being abusive people to the spouse, others and maybe even the kids. I think a loving and open family can and do make things work out producing healthy in body and more importantly mind children that will accept diversity for what it is, beauty in differences.
Nothing will be hidden from my children in the future, I will teach them to love and to understand other people.
Posting Permissions
