Thank you!
No offense taken, I hung around so long because my inner girl was being very satisfied and ignored what the rest of me knew what was right.
Thank you!
No offense taken, I hung around so long because my inner girl was being very satisfied and ignored what the rest of me knew what was right.
Accepting but not participating. Also not enthusiastic by any means....
Di
I am reluctant to speak that way about my wife but, damnit, it is true.Originally Posted by Tess
I like dressing but I want to be alone. I do theater, so having make up around the house isn't a big deal. I have leg issues, so panty hose is fine, since it helps and has been prescribed by a doctor.
This is what I do when alone because I wish I wasn't. With her, I'm happy being the boy with some feminine sense, perhaps a little bit eccentric. She likes that in me. I'm a pleaser.
Last edited by Robbin_Sinclair; 01-23-2013 at 08:50 PM.
I don't know if this helps anyone else, but we started seeing a therapist a few months back and she gave me some thoughts. My wife has been to see her twice, we have not been together yet. One of the things the doc suggested was marriage is full of compromises, and even though I can't make her love the girl side, I can help her see it as at least kind of a good thing if I work at it. I've been trying to do more stuff around the house for her without making a big deal about it, trying to listen better, and just doing small things I wouldn't ordinarily do that I know she appreciates. In my case it seems to help. Even though she is back and forth (and a lot of that seems to be due to outside stressors too) I think things are getting better. I see her making more of an effort at other things too, especially not giving me a hard time when I get home from work and trying to focus more on "us time" when she can.
Hey, Gang!
I found this thread very interesting, since it was an opportunity for members to say how they feel about their relationships insofar as they affect their CDing. A lot of people may be aware that I personally prefer evidence to speculation and hard evidence to the flimsy sort. So I've gone through this thread and at this point, since the thread seems to be pretty well played out, attempted to quantify what people are saying.
We all know about the pitfalls that statistics present. So I'm fully aware that the evidence I'm presenting here isn't nearly as hard as I'd like it to be. But you do the best you can.
There were a total of 113 replies. These I grouped under five categories:
[1] The situation couldn't be worse. Perhaps the member's SO is still in the dark, perhaps she's vehemently opposed to the member's dressing, perhaps they've split up over the question, that sort of thing.
[2] I considered a DADT situation to be a good yardstick.
[3] In the middle. (Duh!)
[4] I considered, "Accepting but not participating" to be a good yardstick.
[5] The situation couldn't be better. The member is totally happy with the SO's handling of the situation.
These categories are of course subjective, as was the manner I went about classifying people's replies. Furthermore, I rated a reply according to the member's subjective feeling about the situation, not according to the situation itself. That is, A and B might be in a very similar situation, but A seemed happier about things than B. Therefore A would get a higher rating than B.
Finally, I would adjust a rating where it seemed appropriate. E.g., a member might be in a generally DADT situation, but might say something that made the situation appear to be a bit more positive than a 2. So I'd bump it up to a 3.
In other words, my whole procedure here was very subjective. If someone else wants to have a go at it, they might come up with results quite different from mine. If you feel like having a go, be my guest. I won't complain.
Anyway, things panned out like this:
Category 1 = 15
Category 2 = 18
Category 3 = 24
Category 4 = 18
Category 5 = 38.
These results are largely positive. Note that the largest category is 5, while category 1 is the smallest. (Could this be because those who are happiest about their situation are more eager to talk about it?) The average score here is 3.41, which is a bit on the plus side.
So we can conclude that when we consider the situation of a transperson in a relationship, on the whole there are more positives than negatives to report.
Best wishes, Annabelle
That's an interesting analysis Annabelle. I didn't respond to your survey (to avoid being negative) but would have put me at a 1. This perhaps confirms your conclusion why the outcome was more positive.
Aye, well, this wasn't my survey. It was Julie Marie's thread. She was the inspiration. I merely did the dirty work. This seems to be a theme in my life.
I lost track of the thread and did not respond, but I fall into the 1. It is certainly likely this is a study with a biased subset, but considering that, about equal parts 1-4 and double that for the wonderful 5
My wife is accepting and participates by helping me shop and doing makeup. I consider myself vey lucky
Similar to my experience. Wife came home unexpectedly, discovered me dressed. I swore off dressing, was drawn back after a year and a half. Back to dressing on more limited basis in secret ...
I would have to say. About 65% " A participant " and 35% an initiator.
She didn't start me on this path. But she has known since the very start of our relationship. That said. She does vocally get annoyed and worried about me when there are long stretches none dress.
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same
I'm a 1. Perhaps a minus 1
my wife didn't' kick me out so I guess we're doing good since she found the pics back around 2008. She asks that I don't dress in front of her or the kids and only knows where my panties, tights and pantyhose are in the house. She doesn't want to find the heels, dresses, skirts, etc. and she has no interest in seeing me dressed fem
the old saying burying the hatchet, well my wife would like to bury it in me. shes like a woman scorned.
Carpe Noctem
Cheyenne Hyde
"You may never exceed, your own expectations, of yourself"
http://s46.photobucket.com/user/MsHyde2u/library/
(the password is feminine)
she's ok with it now it just takes time
She's aware, but we live in DADT.
My wife knows I dress and understands to a certain degree.She lets me wear her panties sometimes.I think she would prefer it if I stopped.I actually told her early on in our relationship but I guess out of sight out of mind.Now I'm getting older and bolder my fem side is beginning to surface a bit more.Guess well have to see.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way Shaved her legs and then he was a she
Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side - Lou Reed
It has been enlightening to read the many responses to my question. I must agree with Annabelle that statistically the sample of replies has not been random. It is nice to know that some of you have supportive spouses. My wife and I love each other very much, but my being a crossdresser is something she can not deal with. When we were much younger she would occasionally participate. After awhile the crossdressing disappeared for several years. When it resurfaced she just wanted it to go away, to be in the past. Her anger, I think, is really related to an unexpressed (and maybe not well understood) fear. Admittedly, I am uncertain myself as to how well I have dealt with it over the years. While many times being unable, or unwilling, to deny the urge to get dressed, I have at the same time weird or abnormal for wanting to do so. Often feeling very alone, since sharing the experience had uncertain consequences. It is nice to have a site like this where I can begin to understand myself a bit better in the bigger picture
My SO knows but prefers not to see me dressed at all. It really bothers her.
My wife has known since before we were married. Though the concept that it's more than a sexual kick has only recently dawned on her. (After 20 years)
She accepts just fine. Obviously, NOT in front of our little one, but just her, she seems not bothered at all. If it interfered on our time it might bother her, but the act itslef is fairly transparent to her. We can hang out all day, no problem, though that RARELY happens. She has OK'd branching into a support group.
So I guess that outs me in the lucky 5! Maybe 41/2 as she will NOT be going anywhere with me dressed, but who can blame her. We have a mask of sorts, they don't.
"I want you all to call me Loretta." - The Life of Brian
i fall into your unusual cases category. i mentioned to her in conversation that i had worn panties in the past on a couple of occasions, and she didn't seem to question it much.
so she surprised me with a corset and stockings, then put drab clothes over that and took me out for drinks and dinner. i don't remember dinner....
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]what i am is what i am, are you what you are or what?
The spectrum is complex. She purchased my first nylon nightgown, allows panties. We sleep in nice nightgowns almost every night. She was not happy with my clean shaved face, but it was grey-to white, looking too old. The rest is DADT.
I don't look for any change, but she is a "keeper". I respect her fear of being embarrassed.
My wife is accepting but not participating. And for now I'm okay with that.
Ali Edwards
Transgender Science ~ Blogging with WrodPress ~ Tweeting on Twitter
"I am half-sick of shadows," said / The Lady of Shalott.
I am bleeds to be with a wife who not only accepts, but encourages me to dress.
My wife is in the dark. Only my parents found out (not accepting though) once or twice. I did confide in someone who thought it was wrong and I needed help. If my wife found out it would be game over for the marriage. The only positive thing is that we have separate time away from each other one evening a week to pursue our own activities - she goes out, I have the house to myself for nearly four hours. Plenty of time to get dressed, grab a glass and relax. Generally for me anyone finding out is a negative. Glad many on here have positive experiences, doubt that would be the case for me.
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