I can never be what I feel I should have been. Simply not possible. What I can achieve, is the feedback, visual and tactile, that tells me that I am her. I've found all the clothes, accessories, shoes, wigs and such that I need so that when I'm dressed, I really do feel like I'm the fourteen year old girl that part of my mind thinks I'm supposed to be. As long as I avoid mirrors and anyone who would force me to look and feel the body I have, the delusion is maintained. for good, or bad, for substantial periods of time, I get to believe that I am that girl.