The Crossdressing effect, question for everyone

[Briana90802]

Recently someone asked for advice about there SO and I've noticed that there were a lot of questions about how to make their SO more accepting of their CDing. Many of you say that their wife married a man and not a woman. But I don't think you can separate the two.

My question is, what part of your CDing has helped you be a better man?

For example, my wife loves that I'm empathetic towards others, and my understand and empathy come from my experience and thoughts as a CDer. So by removing the CD aspect of me I might not be as empathetic. Basically some of the things that my wife love about me, and married me for, are more or less because I crossdress. So trying to remove the femme side of me is like trying to remove the eggs from a cake after its baked and expecting the same results.

Is any of this making sense?

I think that if we explained to our SO just how important CDing is to in shaping the personality and person that they fell in love with then I think they would be more accepting.

So in the interest of helping your fellow CDer please tell us how your crossdressing has made you the man you are today. Are there aspects of your CDing that you may not have realized are intertwined with your outward self?

Thanks for answering.

[Stephanie47]

This is like which came first, The chicken or the egg? My personal viewpoint is the characteristics you were born with tends to make you more prone to become a cross dresser rather than continually fight the urges. My mom use to tell me stories of me being generous to a fault with my playmates, giving toys and treats away. That may have directed me to be more compassionate as an adult, but, I do not see even that turning me into a cross dresser. I'd say my cross dressing, once I got past the self loathing and self disgust, and I accepted myself and embraced my cross dressing, definitely made me more accepting of others. That acceptance is not restricted to sexual minorities; other cross dressers, gay and lesbians, but, also acceptance of ethnic peoples and religions.

During my journey through life I've encountered many individuals who express hatred for some group, and, it's usually tied up with some internal self hatred due to their own shortcomings.

The qualities that drew my wife to me were there because I was born that way or developed in childhood. As my wife tells it, she had decided she wanted to be married to me before I even was introduced to her. It was the manner in which I interacted with others that she observed. I guess she was comparing me to other men she had encountered over the years. And, to some extent I overlooked some issues she had because I was still in a period of denial of my cross dressing. Obviously, since we've been married over four decades it has worked out.

I'd also say from what I have read over the years in this forums there are many cross dressers who have absolutely no compassion for their wives or their feelings. They appear to me to display boorish behavior whether dressed as a man or a woman.

[Stevie]

The part that is making me better is I'm more aware of what my wife looks for in our relationship. I'm more understanding and compassionate. Now its the opposite when I don't get to dress for long periods. As for making sense the part I just mentioned does but there are lots of other issues that go along with dressing that for me at least do not make sense. Me personally I do not always agree with it. I'm still a guy and like to do things girls don't like to do.

[Kate Simmons]

Once we get in touch with all of our feelings and make them our own, we can be anyone we want to be. Being a better human being is not limited by our plumbing.No one is really born a man or a woman, they choose to become one.

[Beverley Sims]

I think my cross dressing gives me a better insight to problems my wife faces and has probably helped with our marriage over the years.

[Alice B]

On the whole I don't think my dressing has made any change in me, other than to provide some relief from stress. I'm the basic same person either way. Since my wife is accepting of my dressing needs there is no added stress issues and I've always had a strong understanding of female issues and problems that I can discuss with her and other females in male or female mode. But, when dressed as a female I do not get a lot of interaction with other females.

[suzy1]

Actually I don’t want to be a better man. I want to be a better person.
And I think that’s what you are getting at Briana.

There is no doubt in my opinion that the feminine part of our personality makes most of us better, kinder, more understanding, and softer people.

[FelicityMay]

CD shows that you have an extreme feminine side, which has helped me personally be much more sweet to others. I'm more optimistic and happy about life, and can more easily relate to women!

just watch jessica who's video "advantages to dating/being married to a cross dresser". it explains it very well!

[ReineD]

So by removing the CD aspect of me I might not be as empathetic. Basically some of the things that my wife love about me, and married me for, are more or less because I crossdress.

Is any of this making sense?

But, what you consider to be feminine attributes (such as being empathetic) are in fact human attributes that anyone can have. There are men who do give themselves permission to be empathetic, nurturing, kind, etc, and who do not crossdress or feel feminine in any way. Men do have the ability to cry.

I don't believe that CDing shapes the personality in terms of making someone fundamentally kinder or gentler. The CDing is a desire to look and feel feminine, and nothing else. It's just that IMO some CDers have grown up to have a rather rigid view of masculinity and so they've separated human attributes or feelings into what they consider "feminine" or "masculine", possibly stemming from a desire to enhance feelings of femininity, or a desire to not have others guess a desire to wear women's clothing or express sexuality as a woman. Or, maybe a CDer was not as aggressive perhaps as other boys, but felt that he had to pretend to be aggressive in order to fit in. And so he defined non-aggressivity as being strictly feminine because he conflated it with his desire to put on girls clothes.

:2c:

[suzy1]

I don't believe that CDing shapes the personality in terms of making someone fundamentally kinder or gentler.
:2c:

Perhaps it comes down to whether we are C.D. or T.G. Reine.

After accepting myself as T.G. and living life as the real me and not the way I thought I should live [All male and macho] I have become much more understanding, and softer.

Well I think I have.


But you make a good point.

[Karren H]

I have no idea..... and its hard to say what I'd be like if I hadn't started crossdressing.... though I can't fathom how someone can get more awesomer that I already am! lmao.... guess Karren - crossdressing could be more modest? :D

[Briana90802]

But, what you consider to be feminine attributes (such as being empathetic) are in fact human attributes that anyone can have. There are men who do give themselves permission to be empathetic, nurturing, kind, etc, and who do not crossdress or feel feminine in any way. Men do have the ability to cry.

I don't believe that CDing shapes the personality in terms of making someone fundamentally kinder or gentler. The CDing is a desire to look and feel feminine, and nothing else. It's just that IMO some CDers have grown up to have a rather rigid view of masculinity and so they've separated human attributes or feelings into what they consider "feminine" or "masculine", possibly stemming from a desire to enhance feelings of femininity, or a desire to not have others guess a desire to wear women's clothing or express sexuality as a woman. Or, maybe a CDer was not as aggressive perhaps as other boys, but felt that he had to pretend to be aggressive in order to fit in. And so he defined non-aggressivity as being strictly feminine because he conflated it with his desire to put on girls clothes.

:2c:

Well, in no way am I saying that CDing is the only reason we are compassionate in one way or another. What I'm saying is CDing is more a part of us than people think. Being in touch with our female side is like being in touch with our artistic side, or our anger. Without it we wouldn't be who we are.

[tiffanynjcd24]

When i look at cding to me i feel as it helps me to.understand women more and expressing my femme side. It also shows i can be nice to ppl and be true to myself

[slamddoger]

hi briana908802 you make good pont

[NicoleScott]

My question is, what part of your CDing has helped you be a better man?

Better than what? The man you would be if you didn't CD? By extension, does that mean non-CDing men aren't as good as they would be if they CD'd?
Sorry, but no, it doesn't make sense.

[Annaliese]

I think that I have always been kind, caring, empathetic, but it is not because of my Crossdressing, it is part of me as is the Crossdressing.

[golfgurl]

When I CD I feel like I can tap into my female side thats otherwise hard for me to do since I work in a male dominated career. I can think more clearly and I feel it helps me make better decisions.

[Briana90802]

Better than what? The man you would be if you didn't CD? By extension, does that mean non-CDing men aren't as good as they would be if they CD'd?
Sorry, but no, it doesn't make sense.

Sometime in life certain events may come up that change you forever, like 9/11. Sometime those things are small and sometimes large, either way they can have a profound effect on the way you look at life or how you act outwardly. What I'm asking is, for those that feel that CDing has affected them for the better, what part of you is better because of CDing?

[Miriam-J]

Briana asks a good question, though the ambiguity inherent in our language leaves room for us to nitpick. There are some positive personality traits that are possible in all people, but seen much more often in females than in testerone-driven men. I do think that I have some of these characteristics more than the average man (empathy for instance), but it's hard to say it's due to any CDing factor, as I'm sure Briana knew when she asked.

Here's another characteristic though that can be more strongly connected to my CD side and enhances our relationship: I like to shop for women's clothes with her, for her and for me. I can provide companionship for her in the women's clothing section with far more knowledge and comfort than nearly any guy I know - and actually enjoy it. Same goes for jewelry. We also share an interest in makeup and discuss what does and doesn't work.

Miriam

[Barbara Maria]

Since letting my female self come out and express herself,my self esteem has skyrocketed.I take much better care of myself and am just happier all around,whether in fem or drab.

[NicoleScott]

Briana, it makes more sense - I'm glad you clarified.

[Lynnmorgan451]

So trying to remove the femme side of me is like trying to remove the eggs from a cake after its baked and expecting the same results.

How can I make her understand this? I have to say that this analogy is awesome!! I've tried in so many words to explain to her that MOST of what she loves about me is all GIRL and the only part of the boy that she really likes is the gruff appearance, facial and leg hair, etc. I just can't figure out how to get her to see that its me and it'll always be me no matter what I look like. I've even used "what if I were in a terrible accident and lost my legs and my face was all smashed up with an eye missing? would you still be attracted to me? love me?" and of course she said "well thats not something you're intentionally doing to yourself in order to repulse me!" And I said "neither is this!" I'm having real trouble controlling the NEED to be a woman. She thinks its intentional and its not. I mean, how do you explain that? clueless...

[tiffanynjcd24]

i think there will always be certain ppl try to change who you are its just you got learn to stand your ground

[suchacutie]

For 55 years I was a guy: by that I mean that a feminine side wasn't known to exist, and was certainly untrained. In the last 8 years I have learned a tremendous amount about what it is to be raised (i.e. socialized) as a girl from birth.

When I was "only" a guy, I knew nothing about the details of functioning as a girl. I learned about all of that because I(Tina) suddenly existed one day and needed to learn the details of presenting as the girl I feel I am. Those details make my guy self more informed, and allows him to act accordingly (with more empathy) toward his wife. Also as a guy, he was the classic problem-solver. His wife said something was amiss and he would try to solve the problem. He never understood that she just wanted to talk it out. He only learned that from me (Tina)!

I think everyone is more understanding in our house because of the conversations that have been Tina-inspired!

[Joanne f]

I do not think that there is anything in my Cding that makes it more accepting for my wife to accept me as it has to be built into her to have an accepting nature of someone who is slightly different that most men, ( OK maybe I under stated the "slightly" bit ) It's all down to my wife .