Depressing setback with my wife . . . .

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Seems to me that you didn't lay down a very strong "foundation of understanding" as to how important all of this is to YOU. Now you are paying for that shortcut...

Just saying this right up front, I didn't bring this up, I thought it, but didn't...I waited.

I figured this issue would happen eventually ...I know I should have warned Anne more strongly than I did.

Rogina, what "shortcut" do you think I have taken here??!! As I explained in the OP, I have been honest with my wife step by step. She has even met with my therapist who discussed in great detail what all of this could mean.

Anne, Anne, Anne, I do hate saying this but you are notorious for leaving things unsaid, using flowery language that obscures meaning, sidestepping the point, beating around the bush and NOT being direct using the words you need to be using. Did you ever use the words "I'm a transsexual and want to transition" with your wife. Because if you didn't she might have interpreted things differently.

I am on HRT. My skin is growing considerably softer, I keep my body free of hair, I am growing breasts.

Yes, but have you actually said the word "transsexual" and "transition" with her, or have you been avoiding doing so?

I have encouraged her multiple times to see a therapist herself.

But has she done so?

I have provided her books and written resources.

That's not the same as saying the things directly yourself and can be an avoidance maneuver. "She'll read these and I won't have to directly confront her." You also should get her on these boards or at least get her a phone or e-mail contact with one of the SO's here or something.

[quote She knows I have been in intensive therapy over these issues for almost two years now. She has seen me break down crying multiple times. [/quote]

Yes, but that doesn't mean she understands you're a transsexual.

I even let her read my posts I submit here.

That won't help, because your posts are vague and flowery and don't use the words you need to be using.

What the **** more can I do??!! What more of a foundation can I lay??!

Quit beating around the bush and be direct. I know the other is easier because it avoids arguments/confrontation/anger, but it's not the best way to handle it.

I know that you gave her all the resources, but did either you or your therapist say outright that you are a woman and that you are moving towards a full transition? If when you did have that conversation, you weren't quite sure yet how far it would go, then likely your wife hung on to the hope that this is just a phase.

Exactly!

She obviously believed that the HRT was merely a happy pill for you similar in results to antidepressants for others.......To me,limits like that are bizarre in that you are of the mindset to alter your body,yet still at the pantythriller level with your wife's understanding of your T mindset.So,I think you gave your wife the short version of the story.

Yes, I think so too, to avoid taking the hard path to direct confrontation.

Rogina, you're not paying attention to what Anne is saying and I think your comments are unfounded and, to be honest, a bit cruel.

Anne's always had this problem of being vague and engaging in avoidance techniques. She's just not good at confronting things directly...took for-ev-er to get her to admit that she was yes, transgendered and yes a transsexual.

I hope that the time she went to therapy with you was not a one-time thing. Try to engage her in your transition as much as she'll allow.

I agree!

Veronica