I am a butch, genderqueer, genderfluid, pansexual, FTM CDing, masculine-identified, intersexual, feminine challenged, non transgendered, genetic female. So mind bending is not to hard for me to understand. I am genetically a female. However, I have masculine characteristics and identify with the male gender more than the female I was born into. I grew up wearing jeans and tee shirts and didn't wear makeup or do my hair. I like to crossdress FTM and look like I feel most of the time. Keep in mind, however, that I am not Trans. I do not want to transition to male. I just identify mostly male but have no urge to change my gender. So this being said, when I dress as a girl with nice dresses and do my hair and my makeup and heels, I feel awkward. I feel like I am doing something unusual and feel uncomfortable sometimes. I don't feel like me. Sometimes when I do dress feminine, I do feel sexy and pretty. At these times, I feel like I am crossdressing MTF. I have my "secret" stash of girly stuff that makes me feel sexy and pretty. Just as some true genetic male MTF crossdressers have their secret stash of girly stuff.
So I totally get the mind bender you're on. Just have fun and be what you want to be
