Respectfully curious

[JadeEmber]

Hi folks - I am a straight, married female writer and am writing a character who is male CD, hetero and single about 33yrs. British, and 'happy' on the surface, but complex underneath...and partly as a consequence of his cross dressing/gender identity, is an acutely intuitive thinker 'out of the box' - hence making him a great detective. I've been online trying to research for my character, but it seems to me, after trawling the www, that CD is the poor cousin of other transgender situations. I really want to find out what makes my character tick; what might be at the root of his CD, and what it says about him. Of course I realise there won't be one single answer to this, but I don't want to just make up what a straight woman might perceive as a 'reason' or set of reasons for CD behaviours and - I hesitate to say 'compulsions', and I'd really be honoured if some of you might answer some direct questions. My questions are all totally out of respect and in pursuit of understanding and empathising with my character, who I do not want to be accused of being a stereotype. Would this be okay? Am I on the right forum? I did have a look at the writers' forum, but it seemed more for creatives rather than research. I am British and UK based, btw - though it seems most of your are from the US. But this site does seem the most CD friendly that I've found, as opposed to cross dressing as a step on the way to gender reassignment. Any advice would be very much appreciated, so... may I ask some quesions? Liz

So, if you're not familiar with it, this will take a while for you to really dig into. You really need to live in the skin of the character. It's unclear what you're suggesting in terms of the viewpoint of your piece, but given the depth of familiarity you should expect of yourself, it might be wise to not have that be the viewpoint character. Play Ishmael to his Ahab. That occludes his internal workings. There's a risk of cliche here, though -- the British detective duo and so on.

This is a really tricky business. Take "Kiss of the Spider Woman," which is a great experimental novel. Molina is an interesting character, and clearly Puig had some insight as he understands what it means to be transgender, even though in terms of terminology Molina is only defined as gay. And yet the book suffers from its age. It was forward thinking for its time, but really the footnotes need to be skipped now.

Really, if you hang around this forum, you'll see there's immense differences. In some sense, you can make this character your own if you wish. Still, be careful. There's a risk of saying that someone is intuitive because of this other factor. At the same time, however, many people use all sorts of things to take them out of their normal mindset and see problems through a different lens (drugs, crossdressing, travel, music, etc.).

I'm not saying you have a bad idea, for sure! Take your time and immerse yourself, but be a bit skeptical of what people say here. I'm not criticizing anyone, just saying that forum posts, while interesting, often simplify issues (as some people in this thread essentially point out). Ultimately, ask yourself if you can dream yourself into this character. Barbara Eisenberg once said that none of her stories are finished until they have the true quality of a dream, and that level of trust needs to be there. If not, maybe you need distance. Or maybe it should be a crossdressing woman instead. There are examples of that as well already, but it might shake up some tropes.

[Lizwriter]

That's a great idea Babs, thanks. x

[susan54]

Liz - see also my post on this Forum in reply to "What is it?".

There are a couple of things in relation to my own background that I might be prepared to put in an email but not on the Forum - such as my own theory about how I got into this - an origin I have never known anyone else claim. But possibly I am odd!

[sometimes_miss]

Hey, Liz, it's your character, you decide what makes him 'tic'. Not all of the writers forum is fiction. Continue your search there, you'll find plenty of information. Crossdressing as a step to gender reassignment? Well, a lot of us kind of reassign our gender to ourselves whenever we dress; for some, it's simply a visual and tactile reinforcement of what we feel we are or what we feel we're supposed to be. The only common link among us, is that we wear clothing that our society only sees appropriate for females. Some of us feel the desire to crossdress as soon as we're self aware, others, sometimes not for decades. Some have a triggering event that sparks us to do it. Others (me) are conditioned into it as children. Your character WILL be defined as the transvestite cop/detective, because that's how most people work; it's whatever characteristic that stands out most that they will identify him by. Consider; if your detective had a hunch back, he would be most easily identifiable as 'the hunchbacked' detective by anyone who discussed the book/show/movie to another person, whether you want that description to be the primary one or not. Rock Hudson was a tremendous actor, but should you forget his name, and bring up 'that handsome actor from the 50's on, who was in Giant with Elizabeth taylor, you know, the one who turned out to be gay when they found out he had aids' EVERYBODY will know exactly who you are talking about. Same with Liberace; mention the flamboyant gay piano player and guess who's name will immediately pop up. Any character that has something about him that stands out as unusual will automatically have that primarily define him. Yul Brynner; bald actor is the description that you think of first; not great, famous actor. Monk; ocd detective. Ironside; wheelchair bound detective. Kojak; bald detective. McCloud; cowboy detective. So if you make your detective a crossdresser, that's who he will be defined as, and honestly, I don't think you're going to have a hit on your hands with this. However, in support of the concept, I promise to buy it whenever it comes out.

[Lizwriter]

Thanks Alex - I hear what you're saying.
And Susan, I definitely will check out your post 'What is it'? And would love to hear your story so will PM you. Don't worry about replying if you change your mind. x

[MysticLady]

Hi Liz, So, what have you learned so far?

[Julie York]

Hello Lizwriter. You certainly took on a tricky subject. Have you thought of doing something easier like writing about a detective who loves his wife, clocks off at 5pm and doesn't drink too much?

Good luck.

[flatlander_48]

Anytime someone sets out to try to understand WHY we crossdress, they should know that they will be settling in for the long haul. Reason being that while there are common threads, we may be SO different in many ways. We cover the spectrum of responses and I think that's a great thing. Difference is something that should be appreciated and celebrated. After all, if we all thought the same and acted the same, what would be the fun in that?

• We are hetero, gay and bisexual.
• We cover just about any occupation and profession that you can think of.
• We cover all relationship variations that you can think of.
• We started at early, middle and late ages.
• Some only underdress; others full dress 24/7/365.
• Some of us are out, some not and some to a few.
• Some of us go out in public dress from time to time; some not at all.
• When we dress some of us like to be age appropriate and some of us lean more towards the red light district style.
• For some it is just about the clothes; for others it is about the clothes, the personna and actually being feminine.
• Some of us feel an attachment to the larger LGBT community; some want to distance themselves from the community.

Liz, you know Yoda said: "There is no Try, only Do.".

However, for us in the crossdressing community, perhaps he might have said: "While there may be a Why, there is only Do.".

[Leona]

I'm going to suggest you just do whatever you want. The CD community is so diverse, you'll probably make something up that's true for someone somewhere.

If you are going to use the CDing as part of the "darker side" of the character, I'd ask you to give us a chance to comment on what you say. It's not that you can't do it, it's just that if you want to portray a CD heroically while also showing that CDing can contribute to a person's dark side, it would be best to run the portrayal by us so we can comment on it.

Otherwise, as long as you avoid the stereotypes, you shouldn't have any problems making stuff up. Try to imagine a woman sharing a body with a man, and then let them share the same memories and even the same identity.

[WillowWriter]

Hey Lizwriter! Coming from another writer, I'd say this is a good place to start with finding out how all of us tick. I'd say personally, it'd be much easier to have a model or base as your foundation for this character, as that'll help you narrow down a lot of the big chunks of info you'll need. Anyone here would probably be more than happy to help you out one on one, myself included. Hope you're getting good info as of now

[Amanda_Robinson]

As you can see there are many different personalities, motivations and experiences here. That's what makes it such an interesting place to visit.

Skipping all the personal history to the adult me, I like women A LOT. I love my wife and she knows all about me. Sometimes I feel like dressing up and some times I don't. The mood comes and goes but it is very soothing. There are certain times that I certainly do not feel like it at all such as during times when a member of my family is in a stressful situation. As a result of this odd but not so uncommon hobby I have come to a greater understanding of many things about women. My wife and I are very close. I have done this off and on for many years and right around age 40 I quit worrying about what strangers might think. In most cases no one pays as much attention to me as I had once feared they would. I have a great time when I go out in my exciting disguise even though it is probably obvious that I am a dude. ) I go to stores, movies, clubs and restaurants. I have found that people are usually comfortable around you if you are comfortable with yourself.
Good luck with your book.
~Amanda

[Davena Doll]

Hi Lizwriter, I love to be Questioned on an open forum so shoot.

[Lizwriter]

Okay, this is second time I've timed out, so will be quick. In answer to your question, Mysticlady - what have I learned so far - I will refer you to Flatlander's post above:

We are hetero, gay and bisexual.
We cover just about any occupation and profession that you can think of.
We cover all relationship variations that you can think of.
We started at early, middle and late ages.
Some only underdress; others full dress 24/7/365.
Some of us are out, some not and some to a few.
Some of us go out in public dress from time to time; some not at all.
When we dress some of us like to be age appropriate and some of us lean more towards the red light district style.
For some it is just about the clothes; for others it is about the clothes, the personna and actually being feminine.
Some of us feel an attachment to the larger LGBT community; some want to distance themselves from the community.

You've all been incredibly helpful and I feel confident I can go forward informed as much as possible, with a few personal contacts now, CDs and SOs who have agreed to advise me as and when. I'll keep dropping in from time to time if that's okay - to see what's going on - but just in case I don't get a chance to post for a bit - thanks everyone who has been so helpful to me - especially Tamara and her associates who run this website so well. It's been a brilliant source of information for me, and I've made a few friends too! xxxx

[xdressed]

No problem glad we've all helped. Don't forget you've still got my email ^_^

[GinaD]

Happy to help if I can. PM me with any questions you have if you would like.