First "Mrs." from a stranger

[bas1985]

Hello,

this last weekend has been really astonishing for me, in positive, because things are really starting to move on, accelerating.

First of all there is the news from the court. For now I get shared custody but the judge has not (still) gave to me free visitations rights for the children because he wants to hear more reports from the social workers in the coming months (this was expected, by the way, so it is not a "bad" news per se).

But now comes the good event. Friday evening I went to my doctor (the "generic" doctor) to prescribe me the 1st endo visit. It was the first time I went to her study, (I moved recently in this town) so I planned to go there in drag but not too much. I wore a band on my head (my hair is starting to grow...) no make up, a simple shirt, feminine trousers and shoes with no heels. A bit andro... the only real feminine clue was (under) a push up that gives me a natural breast.

Well... I went there and introduced to the nurse in the waiting room.

I was sure she thought I was a guy, she did not say to me "sir or ma'am", only "please take a seat".

Later another lady came and I heard the nurse said: "there is a lady waiting before you, ma'am".

"Lady?", which lady, I thought. I looked around the room, there were other people but they were
there before me and they probably were waiting for another doctor in the same study. Maybe
she meant ME?

The doubt went away some minutes later when I heard her say loudly: "Mrs. F.***"? (My last name).

I stood up, "yes...", excited and nervous, the doctor was on the room waiting for me, a woman apparently of my age (early 40s), who, with a smile, told me "good evening ma'am".

...

Then comes the funny part. She said she had to register me because it was the first visit. Asked my documents, and... of course I am "M" in my documents. But she continued without effort to talk to me with the feminine gender. She was really nice. She asked me all my medical history but apart from normal issues I did not see a doctor since my 20s (I have good health, thanks God)... so... "what are you asking here?" she said gently.

I told her of my 1st gender visit and that I need a formal referral to the endo consulting (even if it is inside the hospital in Italy you have to first have the paper from the generic doctor).

She said that she knew a young TS that transitioned in her 20s, she said that it is a difficult, expensive and risky path, but it is worth the effort if that is my nature. She continued to refer to me with the feminine gender and she prescribed me the endo and psycho consulting without any other observations.

Before I went out she wanted to measure my blood pressure and saying with a smile: "Probably you are nervous now and it will be a bit high". Yes, it was... (140-80) but she did not tell me anything apart "next time it will be better, dear".

---

When I went out I looked at the first mirror I found, on my elevator going home... and told myself: "do you see a woman here, honestly"? Well, I looked rather normal, like the other days... but why the other days I was "sir'ed" constantly? I had also a (small) beard shadow...

The doctor could have said to me "ma'am" for kindness, but the nurse? The nurse was seeing me for the first time, she did not know the reason I was there, she had no other clues to gender me apart from my voice and my look.

So I experimented another day. Next day, saturday, I went to the local market with a skirt. It has been the 1st time in public, in daylight. It has been pretty uneventful. I also went to buy some cotton female underclothing (I needed some), there were two women two meters on my right speaking about bra sizes which did not give me a second look and continued speaking about cups.

---

A GG I know has come to see me during the weekend. I went Saturday afternoon to take her at the train station. She knew about my desire to transition and she is very supportive. I went there with a skirt... also at the train station I was pretty invisible.

We passed two days like two normal women going around and making some shopping. The company of a GG is really helpful to get useful tips; about make up, look, whatever, but she said to me that I have a good taste and that she saw me "natural".

We were gendered correctly in all places, pizzeria, shops, bars, we went to the "ladies" together, no event, some occasional second look, but I don't know, I am not sure the reason, it could also be because they were looking at her, she is a really good looking woman, but a bit "short", I am 176 cm and she is not more than 160 cm, but really, really beautiful.

---

It seems that a "switch" has been touched inside. Without HRT, without laser, with only a bit of foundation and a skirt I "pass". Or at least I "blend". I will try to experiment more, with more of daylight "en femme" routes, but it seems that my body is changing, my "perception" of the "energy" which was inside is different.

I am transitioning faster than I thought.

Yesterday evening I went to the train station to bring my friend to go home, always with a skirt (she says I have nice legs and that I should show them). Later I walked alone, Sunday evening, in the streets, with a different feeling.

"... and is this all?".

"It cannot be so easy!"

Yes, of course, it cannot be and it is not so easy. I know the path is not even started.

Yesterday I tried to go deliberately in the streets to look, to sense the other people's reactions. I am sure that someone (especially young people, boys and girls) have "clocked" me, but probably mature people do not care, or they did gendered me female, and they don't give a second look. It's too early to know, I have to experiment more...but I really did not expected to be gendered female without hormones, with short hair in daylight by "normal" people in "normal" situations.

---

tonight I will see my ex, because our son's teachers will explain to the parents the current year program, I will go of course in drab... and I am scared that, even if I will be completely male dressed she (or the teacher) can begin to "sense" something.

I really cross-dress in male clothes and I do not feel "right" any more (never felt "right", I just pretended)

[Persephone]

Hi!

It sounds like you are having fun!

Doesn't it feel wonderful? The secret is to stop testing, to just be yourself, the woman that you are, to have confidence and to enjoy life!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[bas1985]

Yes, it's fun... maybe a bit scary, because I did not know ... how REAL was my being me, how real is the woman inside.

It's not about dressing now, it's about life, my ME. That's is the scary part, because I was in denial for 40 years.

[Angela Campbell]

It is hard to say what it is really that causes the identification as female sometimes. I am always addressed as female when I am dressed feminine and with wig and makeup, but lately I have been addressed so when I am attempting to dress as a male. It surprises me as I do not think I look all that feminine as a boy but in the last few weeks I have been "maamed" or called a lady several times. Maybe it is the way I move and think, I do not know.

I have given up trying to look and act male completely. I don't care about it. When I am out as a boy I mean I did not wear a wig or makeup, and no overly feminine clothes. Perhaps a pair of womens jeans, a tank shirt with a loose button up over it (usually unbuttoned, kind of like a jacket) and womens tennis shoes - white. I am just not trying to look feminine more than trying to look male.

[thechic]

Sounds like all is going well for you, all the best to you. I know its so great when they refer to you as a woman, that makes you even more confident, its such a buss I know it did wanders to me, makes you so happy

[bas1985]

I have given up trying to look and act male completely. I don't care about it.

I would like to do the same, but I need the male facade for some time, at least for all the duration of the cause with my ex.

I am excited and fearful at the same time that this male shell is becoming thinner and thinner every day, and than maybe not too much in the future it will not so credible and I would seem a woman in her husband's clothes.

But really I don't know how to handle this, with hormones I could ask a lower dose, hoping that this will slow down things, but with the mind there is no "dose". The scary part is that the woman has no fear, she wants to come out, period.

[Angela Campbell]

I don't know if a lower dose will do what you are thinking. With hormones you kind of get what you get and there is no way to know until you get it. I can tell you that for me it is having quite an effect on my appearance and even more so on my emotions and thought processes. I have to look like a man at work for a while longer but it is getting more and more difficult, and the reality is I really do not care anymore. The fear is going away, and the closer I get the more I know it is right. I used to be so scared of this as any rational person would be but this is fading.

[bas1985]

Sounds like all is going well for you, all the best to you. I know its so great when they refer to you as a woman, that makes you even more confident, its such a buss I know it did wanders to me, makes you so happy

Yes, I would have cried of joy returning home... but my tears are blocked since my teens (I won't imagine how I will cry after HRT begins).

[I Am Paula]

The switch that got turned on is not something physical. It is about female energy. Some call it aura. When our minds realize we are TRULY female, we start to give it off. Aura cannot actually be seen, but is written about throughout history. Once you aura is shinning bright, people see female.
My sister is into all kinds of new age healing (laugh if you want, it works for her). She explained this all to me when I pointed out to her that all of a sudden I was passing/blending much more readily than before. I didn't see any change, but apparently, everybody else did.

[bas1985]

Thank you all... this is going to be a... don't know.

After all your answers I have tried another time. Put on the skirt, the blouse, my cute bag and sunglasses and went outside.

In broad daylight, here, late afternoon, 6.30 pm...

And... I was invisible. No one cared, no one noticed. Maybe just 2-3 looks, but I met hundreds of people. I tried to go to
a shop, a "beauty" shop (in Italy they sell everything to clean and for the body, from the dish washer soap to mascara).

I strolled around in skirt, went to chose a new pair of pantyhose, the women around me did not care. I PRAYED that they noticed
me, something shouted in my head: "look at me! I am a Trans! ... I am NOT like you!!!", but no one cared.

Also at the counter the girl smiled me, "A bag?" "No, thanks", I payed, smiled, went out.

"is it so simple?" No, there must be some "fine print" in this journey, it seems that I hoped the people around me shouted, screamed, "the tranny, the tranny! call the police! ". No.

By the way, I passed also beside two "carabinieri" (Italian police) which did not cared.

Well... I returned home, stranger to myself, and again I looked at the elevator's mirror: "Is this a woman?"

I returned home, quickly took two photos... here I am... what do you see?

http://i.imgur.com/7ONiuJk.jpg

no sunglasses

http://i.imgur.com/LqFYsMz.jpg

[Angela Campbell]

The switch that got turned on is not something physical. It is about female energy. Some call it aura. When our minds realize we are TRULY female, we start to give it off. Aura cannot actually be seen, but is written about throughout history. Once you aura is shinning bright, people see female.
My sister is into all kinds of new age healing (laugh if you want, it works for her). She explained this all to me when I pointed out to her that all of a sudden I was passing/blending much more readily than before. I didn't see any change, but apparently, everybody else did.

Celeste I have to agree with this. I have experienced it myself lately. Once I began to feel "right" in a fashion (no better words for it) people began to see me as a female at least at first sight. I don't know what it is that has changed, it is not my looks as in pictures I see no difference from now to a couple of months ago, but people see it and comment on my face, and call me ma'am. The only difference I know of is what I am feeling inside as I make progress. (and my boobs are a little bigger)

[Janelle_C]

It is such a great feeling to have some recognize you as a woman. I was out with my wife this weekend, and we were at the hardware store. We needed to get something cut to size, and the man working there said I will be right with you ladies. My wife turned and gave me a high five, it was very cool.

[kimdl93]

I really appreciated Persephone's suggestion that you can stop testing yourself. it seems that you're being accepted in normal situations by normal people (we'll stay away from defining normal!). In the end, you never can fully know what people think or how they perceive you. What's important is how you are treated and how you feel. And don't worry about the façade of maleness becoming increasingly transparent. Stick to the business at hand (meeting with son's teacher) and don't worry about what the teacher may sense.

[bas1985]

Yes, you all are right.

this is the crucial word: "acceptance". As I have endured a life of "not-acceptance", my first days of acceptance (as a female looking human) are "strange". For me experiment means to have the possibility to test the level of acceptance and to realize how the real me was different from the false me I was pretending to be.

As usual acceptance is equal to self-acceptance. Fully self-acceptance imply that what the world thinks is no longer important, because this is what I am, whatever others may think. Thanks.