My wife found this blog now wants a divorce

[ReineD]

Rick, I also took the liberty of reading your posts.

Here is a quick summary of the things you said that might have raised a red flag for me, had I been a complete newbie with the CDing. If your wife is unfamiliar with your history and your current desires, the following statements might have shocked her:

- Your first memory of desire was about age 7, the first time you dressed was age 12.
- You want to remove body hair because you love the feeling of hose on your legs.
- You hope to one day go out dressed.
- You hope that one day you can "really" be yourself (to a newbie wife, this means a woman).
- You were preparing to order a bra online and get your makeup and clothes back together.
- During the week at work, the thought of the weekend coming when you can CD keeps you excited.
- You referred to the time that your wife went away as "play time".
- You desire to be open to the public.
- You did tell a few CDers here they were attractive.

Please understand that I am 110% supportive of my SO and we go out together dressed. I understand everything you've said and I understand you telling other CDers they are attractive, but I can see why your wife would have become frightened by reading all of this. To her, it sounds as if you have a secret desire to be a woman, you get sexually excited by the CDing, you look forward to her going away so you can play, you want to out yourself, and you are attracted to other CDers.

Your wife is sorely in need of an education about what it all means and also she needs to understand that she cannot take your words at face value. I don't know what else to suggest other than begging her to join here, so that she can talk to other wives/girlfriends, and/or possibly ask her own questions to the membership.

[PaulaQ]

See, this is what so many here want to believe; that crossdressing simply isn't a big deal. Then something like this gets posted, and it smacks us in the face that well, maybe it is to a woman.

Hey, I'm not denying the reality that CDing is a big damn deal-breaker for some women. FAR from it! I know first hand what's it's like to be with someone with zero tolerance for any gender variance at all. I'm just saying that it seems dumb for some of the stuff people here do (wearing just panties, for example, or just lipstick) to be such a big deal. Unfortunately, my opinion about it doesn't matter in the slightest. It is a big damned deal for some SO's, there is no question in my mind about that.

Sorry if I was unclear on that. There is enough social stigma still associated with CDing, particularly with some spouses, that you can't take acceptance for granted from anyone.

[suchacutie]

I do hope you have a lawyer as you'll need one quickly. It does sound like she was already on the edge and you posts pushed all the wrong buttons. Seek professional help as part of the process if you wish to try keeping the relationship together.

[Lynn Marie]

Although I justified it at the time, I now understand how I "betrayed" both my ex wife and subsequent girlfriend by hiding from them this very important and profound part of me. I assembled and hid from them a tiny wardrobe, secretly dressed, and explored emotional if not sexual relationships with other people who also were hiding things from their loved ones. If either of them had "snooped" on me after discovering my longterm deception, I feel that they would have been fully justified.

How would I feel if my SO hid from me that she was seeing an old flame for years after marrying me even if it was was just an emotional friendship?

[Rick5881]

Your words ring true, I guess I got over excited after reading post from people that are like me and over reacted in a big way. I do truly love my wife and I'm honestly sorry that my weakness hurt her, that's a guilt that I'll have to live with every day from now on.

[Michelle789]

Rick,

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I think it's unfair that she just went into your ipad, your personal belongings are yours and she shouldn't violate them.

Here is a quick summary of the things you said that might have raised a red flag for me, had I been a complete newbie with the CDing. If your wife is unfamiliar with your history and your current desires, the following statements might have shocked her:

I also read your posts. She probably came to the assumption that you're a TS and were going to transition to living full-time as a woman. She's probably completely uneducated about CDing, and is talking with a friend who has no clue about CDing, and came to erroneous conclusions. A couple of things I picked up on.
- You said you hope to someday be your true self - this could be interpreted as transitioning to be a woman to someone who knows nothing about CDing
- You had a fantasy as a kid that you were turned into a girl via a girl-making machine - this could've been the kicker, if she knows nothing about CDing she would interpret this as you being TS (she probably knows nothing about being TS either)

I would definitely suggest inviting her to join this forum, and to speak with other wives of CDs. That would help her tremendously.

A few other questions for you:
- Is there anything else that you did or said earlier in the marriage that could cause her to want a divorce?
- Does she have a history of doing impulsive things, or saying things (big or small) she later comes to regret?
- Does she have any known personality or mental disorders?

I find it hard to believe someone would ask for a divorce just for minor CDing without even trying to work it out, without even giving you a chance to defend yourself. Well, maybe not, some people are that intolerant. But it's definitely a shame and idiotic of her to ask for a divorce over something so minor like this, especially without giving you a chance to defend yourself. I mean, women take all sorts of crap from men like drunkenness, not paying bills, and men who beat them and call them terrible names. It's really sad that something so minor like this could cause a quickie divorce. Barring anything revealed from the questions above, I would say there is a combination of two things happening here:
- She saw your comment about your fantasy to be turned into a girl
- She is probably talking over with a friend or family member who is completely ignorant to CDing

[Beverley Sims]

I know how you feel, make every effort to reunite as you should remember why you married in the first place.
Look outside the circle and see what else would have precipitated this split.
It is not just dressing that causes it there is some other underlying reason as well.

[Di]

Your words ring true, I guess I got over excited after reading post from people that are like me and over reacted in a big way. I do truly love my wife and I'm honestly sorry that my weakness hurt her, that's a guilt that I'll have to live with every day from now on.

It is not a weakness BUT a part of you.

I agree with Reine....her reading your posts....with her not understanding yet the mindset of a cder would freek someone out. ( like you were happy she was going away so you could dress ect)

Do not make promises you can not keep and maybe invite her here to us GGs in FAB where she can talk freely and have support and gain more understanding..
Best Wishes

[linda allen]

Apparently it's what you posted, not the fact that you wear women's clothes that is causing the problem. Reading the summary Reine posted, I'm not surprised. I hope the two of you can work it out but you're going to have to find a way to convince her that you are still the "man" she thought she was marrying.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Rick;

Are you still in contact with your wife ? If so, take some time today to write her a letter/email. Don't make wild promises, just be open and honest. The thing to remember is this is not a weakness, it is a strength you have that you are willing to discuss this with your wife. Sometimes I think family members don't understand how vulnerable a person has to be, to bring this out in the open.

[Sara Jessica]

Lose her. She's not worth it.

Yes, because we all know it's all her fault.

I'm kind of in agreement that it seems there is more to this than meets the eye but when all is said and done, we live in a cis-gendered world and some women simply cannot get their head around this whole thing. That is not something which is their fault, it is what it is.

[CarlaWestin]

I agree with all of the advice/information here so I won't repeat it. I've already lived these scenarios and I'm about the same age as you. As soon as you can, get over the remorse and loathing. Your new life starts as soon as you get this episode into it's proper perspective. Good luck!

[Jaylyn]

Just reading all this just makes me want to go and give my wife a big old hug.... Wow I couldn't, wouldn't , wanna go thru life with my best friend by my side. Us that have helpful wives at our side need to count our blessings.
Now my suggestion is this. If she had already given you the permission to cd but just not in front of her then she has the problem with it. This forum in my opinion is part of my dressing therapy. It helps keep me going when I can't dress. It also answers many questions I have about why I feel the way I do. If you really love her and want to continue the marriage hold your head up and be a man about it. Go to her get it worked out. You may find she is testing the waters of this CD thing to see if you want it more than her. Even though I CD I still love my wife. You need to evaluate where you are in your love to her. My wife knows about this forum and sometimes reads interesting post on here. I feel that just by reading all the other post that your wife was looking for a reason to send you a packing and it was the forum posting she found that was the final straw. If this is the case then It maybe for the best. Those are hard words to hear but rest assured if you both don't have true love for each other then no matter what the marriage vows said, the marriage was likely not gonna make it all the way to the end. Just go to her talk it out and see where you stand then decide your next step. If it a divorce then get a better lawyer and get your fair share. Just my opinion...

[stefan37]

I hope in the future you disclose early in the relationship. Yeah you may get rejected frequently, but when you find the right person, your life can be conducted with honesty and no hiding our lying.

[kathrynt21]

Rick-
Sorry to hear of all your troubles.
I've read all of your posts and seriously cannot fathom why she would be so upset. While I understand that she is angry because you didn't tell her from the start (I made the same mistake!), what I read was a series of posts from someone looking for answers and advice for an issue that all of us have struggled to try and understand.
There was nothing prurient or off color or even vaguely sexual in any of your posts. In fact the one that could be considered provocative, if only by the thread title, was the bisexual issue that SHE brought up!.
One would hope that after reading them she would have understood that you are looking for support and understanding.
I am, again, sorry for your suffering.
But, you are who you are and if she can't accept that all of the parts of you are the person she married (even if you didn't tell her up front) you have a long road ahead.
You have done nothing wrong. Believe in yourself and those who support you.
I hope things work out for you two.

[Kathy_G]

I seldom comment on these things although I have been a member here for some years. My late wife (of fifty years) had problems with any thought of my cross-dressing.

As ReineD has said, I also had a look at your previous postings. And, as she has noted:
- Your first memory of desire was about age 7, the first time you dressed was age 12.
- You want to remove body hair because you love the feeling of hose on your legs.
- You hope to one day go out dressed.
- You hope that one day you can "really" be yourself (to a newbie wife, this means a woman).
- You were preparing to order a bra online and get your makeup and clothes back together.
- During the week at work, the thought of the weekend coming when you can CD keeps you excited.
- You referred to the time that your wife went away as "play time".
- You desire to be open to the public.
- You did tell a few CDers here they were attractive. If he fancies men he must be gay !!!

My take on this is that your wife, in her naïveté, initially viewed your desire to wear soft feminine attire as a ‘kink’; little realising how widespread that desire was in the male population of this world. She then found her way to this forum and discovered you were only one of tens of thousands (probably millions) worldwide who shared your obsession. It was no longer kinkiness in her husband. It was a worldwide kinkiness that she could not live with. Heavens, he’s weird. They are all bl**dy weird! Men don’t do that. If he wants to be one of “those” then I am getting out.

She will probably never accept that any man might wish to experience the pleasure of a nylon underskirt slithering across nylon panties on his buttocks. That pleasure is restricted to women.

It is a sad reflection on womankind that their husbands or significant others cannot enjoy expressing that bit of femininity that exists in all of us.

[MatildaJ.]

She will probably never accept that any man might wish to experience the pleasure of a nylon underskirt slithering across nylon panties on his buttocks. That pleasure is restricted to women.

Most women don't take pleasure in those sensations. That pleasure is restricted to cross-dressers.

[Eryn]

Jess, few take pleasure in something that is mundane for them. Nevertheless, the clothing manufacturers choose to use those fabrics because most women prefer them. OTOH, there are a lot of fabrics women wear that are just plain harsh, almost burlap- or carpet-like. All in the name of fashion.

CDers tend to perceive these differences more sharply because we don't spend all of our time in girl world. Like an ethnologist observing another culture we sometimes come up with oversimplified conclusions but these are sufficient for our limited needs.

Returning to the OP's problem, I agree that his spouse's reaction seems to be overly severe. My feeling is that there is much more to the story than we have heard, and perhaps the CDing is simply the "straw that broke the camel's back" in this situation.

The only advice I can give is to communicate. This may lead to resolving the issue or might yield clues that warn you that it is time to engage legal counsel. All you can do is try.

[Rick5881]

In my mind we had a wonderful marriage, we spent time together in the hot tub, grilling steaks, watching movies ant just plain talking for hours on end.we never ran out of things to talk about, I made it a point to tell her how pretty she is and how much I love her every day.I told her how happy she made me and I iplaned on spending the rest of my life trying to make her happy. If there's more to the story I don't know it

[Kelly DeWinter]

Rick;

You need to tell your wife that, write her a letter, Sounds like you have a lot to gain.

[Rick5881]

I'm writing Her a song,relating back to the day we met and how much she changed my life. The words so far are,
I been so long lost inside myself, afraid to face this world alone.
My broken heart upon a dusty shelf, a Castaway without a home.
But then from somewhere out of the blue, I woke up when you walked in.
Then all at once when I looked in your eyes, my heart began to beat again.
Chorus.
You gave me hope, you made me feel like I'm alive,
You gave me strength, and all I need is you my darling,
By my side...

[Jill Devine]

Rick I am pulling for you! Maybe with some time she will cool off and want to talk.
I know how much this type of thing can hurt because I've been through a separation once (unrelated to dressing though). I know the feeling of fear and pain. Crying yourself to sleep. Hang in there.

[Rick5881]

Rick I am pulling for you! Maybe with some time she will cool off and want to talk.
I know how much this type of thing can hurt because I've been through a separation once (unrelated to dressing though). I know the feeling of fear and pain. Crying yourself to sleep. Hang in there.

Don't be a fool, don't be blind, Life sometimes can be on unkind,
Keep the lessons that you've learned, try to leave regrets behind
And be thankful each day, for blessings that have come your way,
Hold the ones you love tight, that's the secret to life

[sarah378619]

I am very sorry. Know that there were deeper issues than your dressing that caused the end to the marriage. I am divorced also. Also know that your desires to dress will return with your new freedom in time. They will also probably get stronger. Just be yourself, that is all anyone can do. Do what you need to settle your divorce and move on. hopefully you will find a woman that accepts you for you. That is what true love is all about. Hugs Hun.
Sarah

[mary something]

tell us more about her please Rick. What do you know of her previous marriage(s) and how did she explain to you how and why they ended? How frequently were you guys having sex during the last couple months you lived together?