The thing is Kate, as best I can tell now that I've fallen down the rabbit hole, there is no bottom to it.
The thing is Kate, as best I can tell now that I've fallen down the rabbit hole, there is no bottom to it.
Hi Dawn
Maybe it is because of living in the 3rd world (where we live more basic lives) that we do not have this penchant for over analysis that people in the 1st world seem to have. Though I have no problem with counselling, I've gone through a lot of it myself with my wife, I have to agree with her: You need to be careful here as well.
I found that one counsellor, whether willingly or inadvertently, steered me in the TG direction and after a while I started believing this to be true.
Like I said before, when we devote so much time to something in our lives it does tend to suck us in more and more. Then you find yourself one day saying: "If I like dressing this much, and I like dressing up more and for longer, I must be wanting to be a woman." Question is, if you were there 24/7, would the thrill run out?
Hi Jenny - what convinced you ultimately that you weren't trans? Denial tends to be pretty strong on this - nobody in their right mind wants to be trans.
So I wanted to highlight this statement because it shows a mistake about thinking about transgender that I frequently see in this forum. If you are thinking about positive feelings about CD, thrills, joy, sexuality, happiness, etc. then you are really looking at the wrong feelings in terms of whether or not to transition. If your feelings about it are mostly positive, in my opinion you probably do not need to transition.Then you find yourself one day saying: "If I like dressing this much, and I like dressing up more and for longer, I must be wanting to be a woman." Question is, if you were there 24/7, would the thrill run out?
The negative feelings, GD in particular, are what leads one to transition, or that's how I see it. Transition is a way to alleviate misery - for some of us a hellish nightmare of misery. A therapist can help sort out these symptoms, but ultimately, no one can really say you need to transition except you. If presenting as female lessens your symptoms, it's time to talk to a professional.
Well said, Jenny.
I really hope you find the light that you are looking for... just remember, there is no light at the bottom of anything...
Dear Paula
To fully understand where I'm coming from you'll have to have the patience to read through my story posted in the intro section, I think it was called "New here but need help."
In short I have been dressing again for the past 18 months or so after spending many years out of the scene, I suppose "in denial" as you so eloquently put it. Over time I have found that the more you indulge in it the more it asks of you, to the point where the question "Am I TG?" transpires.
I am trying to strike a balance again in my life where I can put my crossdressing needs in perspective to the bigger picture. I think one should not allow something to rule over you, as it has done to a large extent in my life. We were made to be rulers, not subjects and I am trying to get myself back that point. Now this all sounds great and everything but I can assure you I am not even close to that point yet. But I am trying.
No, dressing I cannot do without. Spending time just being Jenny would be good. But giving up everything that is good in my (male) life for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, no way.
So no, being a man most of the time does not make me miserable. Not being Jenny sometimes, makes me miserable and I think that is where the difference lies between CD and TG (which to an extent is what you said!).
Thanks for the engaging conversation but I really need to get back to work now!!!
I think this holds true for a lot young CD'ers in their early 20's. I've seen literally thousands of posts on reddit and 4chan from young adults who were questioning their sexual identity. It's hard to draw conclusions, but some said they thought they were in denial and tricked themselves in thinking they might be transsexual. I think it's hard to draw a line, especially when you're questioning pretty much everything. Also, I found those sites dangerous as I felt some people were really cheerleading people to just transition. Telling them they were in deep denial and that they were going to transition anyway.Originally Posted by Jenny Elwood
i couldn't have said it better myself!
This is key. "In Some Way".
What are your self-expression opportunities? Are you free to dress at home? Do you go out much dressed and do day-to-day things like shopping, eating in restaurants, hanging out in coffee shops, going to shows, etc?
If you feel at all constrained or if you've only just gone out a few times, you know that it will make the feelings and need for expression worse. You need to construct a life such that you can go out and do things several times per week, in the next town over if you are concerned with privacy. And you need to do this long enough for you to get over the novelty and the excited feelings that come with these experiences in the beginning, especially if you are also working on improving your presentation and increasing your wardrobe.
You should set about doing this, and then revisit your feelings in one year. You may well find a difference. Or not. But at least you will have put yourself out there to see how the role may fit.
Seeing a gender therapist is a good idea, but find a good one. I've no doubt there are gender therapists out there who have tunnel vision and I can't say that I blame them, if the bulk of their clients are TS.
Reine
Mostly no, because we still have two kids at home who don't know about my CDing. I manage to go out about once a month and that's to a local transgender social meeting.
You are very wise and have given good advice. I will not rush into anything.
I perceive that danger. If you go to a kidney specialist, he or she will find something wrong with your kidneys.
I have found myself in the same dilemma many times. It is a rollercoaster in terms of do I really want to be a girl or am I okay just being me.
If it seems to become an obsessive train of thought, as it has with me at times, counseling may be your only answer. I have spent most of my life on this rollercoaster only to find the best solution for me was the in between (as I am now). Sure I would love to be a real girl but hormones, sex reassignment just will not do it for me. I would probably be happier without the male bits but I am okay with them too. Definitely take the time to really consider the outcome. As I got older it does not seem to matter much any more, even though I wish I was a girl instead of a boy on a daily basis. I have learned to accept myself as I am, not a compromise.
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