^^^Vanessa Rose.
1. Yes.
2. I could and did push it aside, but there was no wham. It was a grinding grudging acquiescence of my self that took me 3 decades to accomplish.
3. IMHO, yes, you are still in a lack of self acceptance phase. See my #2.
4. Yes, marriage survived. But . . . I landed in gender outlaw land. And my wife and I are aware we are like two overlapping circles in a Venn diagram - we exist in a narrow area of overlap. Further transition by me takes me out of the overlap, less acceptance and tolerance by her takes her out of the overlap. I remain in awe of the power of love's role in letting us find this island. Aprilrain had a snarky comment upthread about wives being the reason for middle path - I can't say shes wrong, but I'd add a lot of love is needed.
5. Yes, it is no fun learning your heart wants you to fly in the face of everything society taught you about gender. Sweetie we have a staggering suicide attempt/success rate among us. New study this month reaffirmed prior studies. Just remember "Do whatever it takes to make your life worth living."
