I think it has been touched on in here but my own personal reason for secrecy is primarily my daughter. I know she faces enough forms of bullying as it is and I know the community she lives in. If anyone knew her dad was a "part-time second mom" she would face far worse. I saw it happen in the same community when the dad of a female friend of mine came out of the closet and my daughter is now in school with the children of the people who made my friend's life hell.

As for coming out to an SO, I don't have one and haven't for a very long time. I think being single is part of what has brought out more of my fem side since I have more opportunity. And as it stands at the moment I would prefer to be with a man, one who wants me to be his woman. However, I think at this point in life if I were to become deeply involved with a female it would have to be someone who knew and accepted my fem side since I don't think I want to go back in to full repression ever again.

As for other possible reasons for secrecy I think for a lot of people it is that they don't want to shake their lives up too much. This is another main reason why I would not come up in my current life. In two years when my daughter (who doesn't live with me anyway) is 18 and goes off to university I still won't come out unless I move and completely change my life. We become too comfortable with the way things are and the shake up that would be caused by coming out is something we don't look forward too even if it may allow us to pursue our desires. It is not just coming out that this cause for hesitation effects but many different things in our lives - changing jobs, moving even within the same community, ending relationships which we may not be happy with, changing banks or credit card companies, etc... This being something which holds us back from doing many other things in life it is reasonable to assume it is a major factor in hesitating to come out about things which will definitely change your life and social relations.