I can only speak for myself.I was closeted most of my life because both my spouses were very un-accepting of my dressing even though they both knew about it beforehand and went into the marriage anyway. I never was a domineering person, I was more the pacifist and would rather run from a fight than face it. However I was always mechanically inclined and worked in the building trades where machismo was the norm. I would dress in private and could have displayed a gentler side if I could have been open about my dressing. I always felt as if I was at peace with my feelings and the world around me each time I was able to express my feminine side.
Since my coming out in 2007 I have been told by those who know me as Jill, that I am a very caring and loving person. So yes, I believe your spouse can have the same transformation and become a kinder gentler person when en femme.