"Sir," How much longer do I have to tolerate this term being used/applied towards me?

[Rachel Smith]

I don't know what to say..... I was all out shopping with a bunch of CD girls a couple months ago and a store clerk kept referring to us as "you guys" and I didn't like it. .

Launa, being that I am originally from the northeast US, Pennsylvania to be exact, I have often heard cis-women refer to each other as "you guys". Just as when you are in the company of another couple you would say "would you guys like to go to dinner tonight"? That saying doesn't bother me one iota perhaps because I grew up around it. I am only bothered by it when it is me alone and I get "sir'd or dude that gets under my skin and sticks in my craw for a while.

[Chloe Renee]

Paulette, it happens sometimes. It happens to my wife a couple times a year. It happens to me if people give me a glance or hear my voice. When it does happen I simply say "pardon me" and they correct themselves, unless they were acting out of malice. But 9/10 people make an innocent (thought stupid) mistake.
I know back in college, working as a cashier I would misgender a customer by accident about once every two weeks. "SIR" would fall out of my mouth because 90% of the patrons were male.

When a ciswoman is called sir, it tends to be a momentary inconvenience. Where as a transwoman feels their legitimacy as a woman is being severely questioned. What's the difference? The ciswoman knows where she stands and has never questioned her gender, where we have toiled over our gender and will always hold a little insecurity in how the worlds sees us. In turn the ciswoman does not grant the word "sir" any power lets it go in a matter of minutes. While a transwoman may empower the word as a weapon of hate or spite that smashes the fragile female shell they developed. But if you don't give it the power, it rolls off like water off a ducks back.
Transpeople as a group are too sensitive, and too quick to anger myself included.

As a midwesterner, "you guys" is the same thing as "you folks" unless it is delivered with Malice, in which case the person is being a prick.

Being trans is what you make of it. Mine has not been easy, nor a tonne of fun. But all that B******T along the way made me who I am and makes me more mindful in how I go forward with my life.

you know how to reach me, FBook is the best way, as my phone has been on the fritz.

[FurPus63]

"Transpeople as a group are too sensitive, and too quick to anger myself included." Chloe, I don't like when you say this. All of my life I was given a hard time because people said I was too sensitive for a guy, now I am living my life as a woman and have to be told the same thing!? Sorry, but I have the right to feel anyway I need to feel and I can't stand it when people say, "oh you're just too sensitive." Besides, we t-girls have a lot to be sensitive about. We are going through way more emotional upheavel than any cisgender woman can possibly imagine. Being transsexual and suffering with gender dysphoria; causes us to suffer emotionally throughout life, so a lot of us if not all of us tend to be sensitive. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it's perfectly fine.

Paulette

[Eryn]

Remember Hanlon's Razor:

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

Yes, you can get angry at the woman or beat yourself up over it, but the fact is that it was a simple mistake. I've made the same mistake, misgendering another poster in this thread. The moment the word slipped from my lips I wished I could retrieve it and I still feel bad about the incident because I know that I caused her pain. She understands the nature of simple mistakes and has forgiven me.

Have you considered turning this into a learning experience for the clerk in question? Rather than blowing up at her or her supervisor, perhaps you could have said pleasantly "Excuse me, but when dealing with trangendered persons please understand that we prefer to be addressed as the gender we are presenting." That way, the next time you saw her she would have either learned from the experience and addressed you correctly or you would have much better cause for taking the issue to her supervisor.

We are all ambassadors. If we blow up at people who are inexperienced at dealing with TG individuals and who make simple mistakes we will deserve the reputation of being hostile and self-centered. This does not foster an attitude of acceptance. If we hold our tongues and put a bit of effort into educating the ignorant we will improve the situation for everyone.

Eryn

[divamissz]

Have you considered turning this into a learning experience for the clerk in question? Rather than blowing up at her or her supervisor, perhaps you could have said pleasantly "Excuse me, but when dealing with trangendered persons please understand that we prefer to be addressed as the gender we are presenting." That way, the next time you saw her she would have either learned from the experience and addressed you correctly or you would have much better cause for taking the issue to her supervisor.

We are all ambassadors. If we blow up at people who are inexperienced at dealing with TG individuals and who make simple mistakes we will deserve the reputation of being hostile and self-centered. This does not foster an attitude of acceptance. If we hold our tongues and put a bit of effort into educating the ignorant we will improve the situation for everyone.

Eryn

I agree that calling out someone is a bad idea. Just correct them; if they persist, ask if they have an issue with their vision...

And I hate this "we're all ambassadors" thing. I represent myself, an individual.

[Krisi]

I'll start by saying I have a lot of respect for anyone who transitions. This has to be the hardest thing anyone can do in life. You stand to lose family and friends, lose your career and lose your history. The general public doesn't understand you and many will not like you.

That said, if you are being routinely addressed as "sir" by strangers, you have to look in the mirror. What is it about your appearance that is projecting "male"? Your hair? Your beard shadow (obviously)? Your figure? Strangers can't know if you are on hormones, they can't know what is between your legs or what is on your mind.

Look in the mirror or have trusted friends help with suggestions to look more feminine. You may need a new hairstyle or wig. You may need breast forms or implants. You may need hip and butt padding. You'll only beat yourself up complaining about how people see you if you don't work to make yourself look on the outside how you feel on the inside.

As for getting clerks fired for making a simple mistake - Would you want that happening to you? Would you want to lose your job for one simple error? Is being called "Ma'am" so important to you that you would have a person fired and their family on public assistance?

I think politely correcting the person and going on with life is the best way to handle this.

[sandra-leigh]

That said, if you are being routinely addressed as "sir" by strangers, you have to look in the mirror. What is it about your appearance that is projecting "male"? Your hair? Your beard shadow (obviously)? Your figure?

Having gone through a cosmetic surgery paper that shows in detail the differences between male facial features and female facial features, I can say that my face is neutral with the exception that my eyebrow ridge has a (relatively small) bony protrusion that, if smoothed out, would take me into neutral all around. The ridge height is, I estimate, about a millimeter on me, and that area is normally hidden by my glasses.

My hair is not the operative factor: people Sir'd me more when I used to wear wigs than with my hair as it is now (my own, grown long.)

Breast forms: Not it either. I've been Sir'd while wearing professionally-sized professional asymmetric prosthesis (that is, as used by women who have had breast removal.)

Beard shadow: Laser did a number on that. I'm doing electro on the rest now.

My figure: hard to see under my winter coat. Normal hip and butt padding don't make any notable difference for me. Perhaps if I got a butt-lift. Perhaps if I got padding enough that I appeared to waddle (I know a couple of women that shape.) But considering the number of times I've been Sir'd by someone who cannot see that far down on me...

My perhaps benefiting from having a millimeter shaved off my eyebrow ridges does not explain why people ignore / overlook all of the female cues.

[Eryn]

You said you were picking up a prescription for t-blockers. She would know that. She was trying to be a smart A-- . Very unprofessional . You could talk to management.

T-blockers are used for more than TS purposes. The clerk might just have had the wrong idea about how people wish to be addressed. Assumption of malice isn't the best way to deal with this.

Eryn here in the south ma'am is used to address a woman just as sir is used to address a man.

In that case I'd have no objection at all, as it is normal for the deep south. What I was referring to was the waiter or other person who emphasizes the "ma'am" or "ladies" much more than they would normally here in SoCal. Since I'm in my 50s I don't object to being called ma'am as I've earned it! The fact is, being accepted anywhere, either as a woman or as an accepted TG individual is fine with me.

And I hate this "we're all ambassadors" thing. I represent myself, an individual.

You're within your rights to hate it, but the fact is that our individual actions form public opinion about our community and you cannot escape that. We can individually assert "that's not me" but that doesn't mean a thing to Joe Public at the ballot box deciding on a piece of anti-LGBT legislation. People behaving nastily are remembered longer than people behaving civilly.

[Chloe Renee]

This post is written in response to OP'S post to me OP's writings are Navy blue.

"Transpeople as a group are too sensitive, and too quick to anger myself included." Chloe, I don't like when you say this.
You don't have to like it, it is my opinion from interactions I have had within our local commuity over the last 5 years.
All of my life I was given a hard time because people said I was too sensitive for a guy, now I am living my life as a woman and have to be told the same thing!?
This may seem odd but this is my experience also. And yes, I am saying the same thing to you now, just like my cis girlfriends did to me. My first therapist said the same thing to me " these things will happen, some by accident some to be mean. If you don't fluff it off and move on then you are empowering them. you are allowing them to make you feel bad."
Sorry, but I have the right to feel anyway I need to feel and I can't stand it when people say, "oh you're just too sensitive."
You do have the right to feel that way, and you are 100% entitled to feel that way. I acknowledge your opinion. I see us as being "overly sensitive" where the slightest touch crumples us like tissue in the wind.

Besides, we t-girls have a lot to be sensitive about. We are going through way more emotional upheavel than any cisgender woman can possibly imagine. Being transsexual and suffering with gender dysphoria; causes us to suffer emotionally throughout life, so a lot of us if not all of us tend to be sensitive. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it's perfectly fine.
Starting at the top, I can't stand the term tgirl, due to the use of it in the porn industry.
Being trans to be blunt is not a good time. However, I can't agree with your statement that we have more upheaval than "any" ciswoman, I will agree that we have more than "most" ciswomen. I know we don't all suffer the same, does my lack of severe dysphoria make me less trans than someone that can't look at their genitalia? Surely, it does not. I will say that there is generational forces at work here also. Which lays out a good chunk of our differences of opinion. As the the age of "coming out" keeps getting lower, so does the amount of emotional torment lessen.
This is because the "socialization" aspect of womanhood is developed earlier, allowing the person more peers of their identified gender. It is harder for us to build that peer group out of thin air the older we are.
And my last point, that I will extract from your quote ", so a lot of us if not all of us tend to be sensitive." And make it this:, so a lot of us if not all of us that we see, tend to be sensitive. Because the ones that are not overly sensitive are living in the world and no longer going to groups or visiting message boards. If we strictly pull the sample from those people than the first statement holds water. But if you include the outliers and about half of people of those living as stealth holes start to rapidly form.

[kittypw GG]

say, ". We are going through way more emotional upheavel than any cisgender woman can possibly imagine.
Paulette

Talk about being offended? This quite frankly offended me. What do you know about the suffering of a cisgender women? This comment ranks right up there with all the comments from cross dressers about being more feminine than women. You are a counselor by your own admission. Have a little tolerance and quit taking yourself so seriously. You are only hurting yourself. I think Eryn had a great suggestion. It is true that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Think about it.